Ripping Wings off of Butterflies
by klcchavez
Summary: She built up a world of magic because her real life was tragic...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, this is Kelsey (klcthenerd)! We had some trouble getting documents to upload, but we are ready now! This is a collab fic between Kristina (pearlchavez) and myself. It's rated T, so please be aware of that. It deals with some mature elements, but not enough to be M. In this story, Sonny is 21 and Chad is 22, so they're older than on the show. We really hope you enjoy this! Please, please, PLEASE story alert, favorite, author alert, all that jazz. And don't forget to REVIEW!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing!**

_Well you built up a world of magic,  
because your real life is tragic.  
-_Paramore

Ripping Wings off of Butterflies

"Taxi!" A leggy brunette called, thrusting her hand into the street, trying to wave down one of the yellow beasts. Her black strappy heels were grasped in her left hand, her right waving around in the street as she attempted to balance on the curb.

"Whoa," a male's voice sounded as an arm reached out and grabbed the brunette's wrist, pulling her away from the curb she was unsuccessfully balancing herself on. The girl looked up and grinned.

"Why thank you Chadford, I was beginning to get dizzy."

The blonde actor laughed. "Sonny, you had about four drinks, I think you're gonna be dizzy no matter what."

This caused the brunette to roll her eyes.

"Oh yeah, well you had _five_ drinks!" she accused, holding up six fingers to prove her point. "You're _just_ as _drunk _as me!" she smirked in triumph as a taxi pulled up next to the curb. Though tipsy, her male companion remembered to open the door of the vehicle, sliding in after her.

The blonde gave the taxi driver an address before settling back into his seat. He looked down at the humming brunette next to him.

"D'you have your key?" He asked her.

"Why yes, _Chad_, I do!" an exasperated Sonny Monroe retorted, reaching for the clutch she had forgotten to bring. Her features set themselves into a grimace. "I guess I don't."

Chad Dylan Cooper, Mackenzie of _Mackenzie Falls_ for eight years, laughed at the antics of his best friend and roommate. "Luckily, I have mine," he told her pulling a tiny silver key out of his jacket pocket and brandishing it before her eyes. Both looking at the key, they met eyes.

Brown was melting into blue, and blue was pouring into brown. The corner of Sonny's mouth hitched up into the beginning of a smile.

And then the two burst into hysterical laughter, much to the dismay of the cab driver.

The laughter subsided a few minutes later when Sonny rested her head on Chad's shoulder. The blonde rested his head atop his friend's, ignoring the warm sensation flooding his stomach.

These were the moments Chad Dylan Cooper cherished. These moments when he thought about him and Sonny in the privacy of his mind. These moments when he thought of all that they had the potential to be.

Back in the days of Condor Studios, the two had gone about a year hating each other, before they began getting closer. By the time Sonny had left _So Random!_ and Condor Studios behind, the two had parted as best friends. It wasn't until two years later, at ages 20 and 21 did they decide to split a penthouse apartment on the outskirts of Hollywood. After nearly a year of living together, Chad realized that somewhere along the way, what everyone said would happen…did. He had fallen in love with Sonny Monroe. His best friend.

However, Sonny was oblivious to this fact, and Chad wasn't sure how long he could go on pretending things hadn't changed. To hear Sonny talking about all these Hollywood guys was like throwing his heart into a blender and putting it on the highest setting.

Sonny was a girl who gave her heart away too easily. Or, at least she used to. After James Conroy, she had learned to guard herself. Chad felt his body stiffen as he remembered the James Conroy debacle.

About eight months before, Sonny had reconnected with James Conroy after bumping into him at a casting call. They went on a few dates here and there, and in about two weeks, the press knew all about "Monroy"… James and Sonny's relationship. The press had had a field day with why the good girl of Hollywood was dating someone with Conroy's reputation, topped only by the scandalous rumors surrounding the break up.

Chad had warned Sonny against James, reminding her of the time the latter had guest starred on _The Falls_, only to have Sonny reprimand him, talking about second chances or something.

Two months into Sonny and James' relationship, Chad noticed a change in Sonny. She had been very quiet and cheerless. She would lock herself in her room every day, and Chad heard her sobbing on more than one occasion.

After a week of this behavior, the blonde actor confronted her. What he found out, he was not nearly prepared for.

For on that bright, sunny Wednesday, Chad felt for the first time that he might murder someone. On that bright, sunny Wednesday, Sonny told him something that made him want to kill James Conroy. On that bright, sunny Wednesday, Sonny, tears in her miserable brown eyes, confessed to her best friend that she had lost her virginity to her boyfriend, James Conroy. And she hadn't heard from him since.

After repressing the urge to throw something against the cream colored wall, Chad had spread his arms open, inviting Sonny into a comforting hug, both of their hearts mourning over such a devastating mistake. Chad had cancelled all plans for the rest of the week, intent on comforting his best friend and teaching her how to guard her heart.

The heartthrob was torn out of his reverie as the cab came to a stop in front of their place. He nudged Sonny, who was sleeping lightly. Paying the driver, he opened the door and grabbed Sonny by the hand, helping her out. She blinked a few times and swayed, trying to remember where she was. When she realized she knew the building, a grin broke out across her face.

"Chaaaaaaaaaad," she sang. "We're hooooooooooooooooome!"

The blonde laughed as he took her hand and wrapped her arm around his neck, setting a protective arm around her midsection and ignoring the sparks shooting throughout his body. The two fumbled to the elevator and sat down once inside.

"You ever wonder what the surveillance camera's catch going on in here?" Sonny asked, swinging her head over to face her roommate. He shrugged.

"Sometimes. Must be a pretty boring job. The dudes that have to sit and watch those screens all day…they should get a pay raise. That just sucks."

"What if they catch people havin' sex in an elevator, Chad?" Sonny asked, her eyes shining with alcohol and mischief.

"Well, uh, I guess their job would suck a little less." He shrugged, searching her eyes, wondering where she was going with this. Sonny's lips turned into a smirk as she scooted herself closer to Chad.

"Let's make their job suck a little less, then," she whispered, not giving Chad a chance to respond before placing a hand on the side of his face and capturing his lips with hers.

Chad didn't really have to think about it. His body acted for him, his lips responding enthusiastically while an arm snaked around her waist and pulled her closer to him. When the elevator signaled the top floor, Chad could only think that elevator rides should be longer. He and Sonny parted, looking at each other.

Sonny's expression had changed from one of mischief to one of wonderment as she looked at her best friend. Her eyes seemed to be searching his as he stared back, mouth agape in shock.

"Shit, Sonny, what did we just d-"

His question was interrupted as Sonny once again attacked his lips with her eager kisses. Chad, clearly the more rational of the two, pulled away.

"Sonny…we can't," he said, standing up. Once he was steady on his feet, he took her hands and pulled her up on her feet.

"Why not?" she asked, following Chad out of the elevator and to the door of their penthouse. He unlocked the door and forcefully pushed it open, frustrated with the world. Sonny was drunk, and throwing herself at him. Most guys would have taken this opportunity in a heartbeat, but Chad just couldn't do it morally. After how broken she was with James, he couldn't take advantage of her like this.

"Chad?" She asked again, throwing her heels on the ground, hands on her hips.

"Sonny, I can't."

Sonny looked taken aback.

"And why not?"

"Because."

"Because why, Chad? Am I not good enough for you?" She asked, her arms folded now, her delicate features folded into an expression of confusion.

"No! God, Sonny, no!"

"Then why, Chad? If it was any other girl right now, it would be different, wouldn't it?"

"You're overreacting."

"I'm not good enough for you! Just admit it Chad! We may be best friends, but I'm still that girl from _Chuckle City_ and I always will be."

"You know that's not why-"

"Oh! You're right, because if Tawni were to walk through that door right now, you wouldn't have a problem with sweeping her off into your room!"

"Stop it, Sonny. That wouldn't happen," Chad insisted, trying not to lose his cool.

"Then why, Chad? Why are you so against this?" she asked, walking across the room and reaching out for him, only to grasp air when he turned and walked even further away from her.

"You're drunk, Sonny. You need to go to sleep."

"And you need to stop fucking ordering me around like you're so much better than me!" she shouted at him.

"Sonny, that's not how it is!" Chad pleaded, hoping she'd drop the subject. He grabbed her by the shoulders, looking into the eyes of his best friend, trying to make her understand.

"Then please, Chad?" she whispered.

"No," he firmly replied, his patience running out.

"Why not?" Sonny demanded, ripping away from his grasp.

"Because I love you!" Chad yelled at her. "I'm not going to be some sick jerk who takes advantage of a girl when she drunk, only to have her regret it the next morning! Sonny, you don't want this, it'll fuck everything up when you realize what you did; what I did!"

Sonny stared up at him, brow furrowed in confusion.

"You…love me?" Chad nodded. "Since when?"

"About a year?" he told her, sighing. Hopefully she wouldn't remember anything in the morning.

"Hmm. You love me." She played with this thought for a while. Chad stood in his spot, feeling very uncomfortable.

The brunette walked over to him, slowly wrapping her arms around his neck. Her eyes bore into his blue ones, as if making sure he was telling the truth. When he didn't move, she slowly pressed her lips to his, her fingers playing with the baby hairs at the nape of his neck.

This kiss was different from anything Chad had experienced that night. This was different, as it they were testing the waters for something more. The kiss was slow, causing so many simultaneous explosions inside of Chad, his mind was no longer in control of anything to do with Sonny Monroe.

When Sonny pulled away, she looked up at Chad, her eyes wide with amazement. With that kiss and that look, Chad felt that he knew. He knew what Sonny didn't say.

"I love you," Chad whispered again, kissing her lips tenderly before pulling back and looking into her eyes.

And for the first time she could remember, both eyes were sparkling.

The rest of the night was a drunken blur.

* * *

What'd you think of chapter 1? I really hope you liked it! Pleaes REVIEW and let us know! And also, feel free and check out our personal accounts: klcthenerd and pearlchavez for more! :D

-Kelsey


	2. Chapter 2

Sonny opened the door to the living room. She hadn't meant to be wake so early, and she knew that her Mother would yell at her if she caught her, but Sonny was sure that she heard screaming. At first she thought that something supernatural was haunting her, and that was why she ran downstairs, but she was more terrified with the prospect that the yelling was coming from the living room. Her Mother always told her, that she and Steve - Sonny's stepfather - would protect her from any harm. She couldn't bear the thought of having to be the hero this time.

"I don't see what the hell the problem is!" Steve bellowed, Sonny could see him inches away from her Mother's face, breathing heavily, like a wild animal about to pounce. "I'm coming home to you, aren't I?!"

"Not the point! You promised me! You promised me you wouldn't pay for it anymore!" Her Mother cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. Sonny wanted to run in and comfort her Mother, but she could only stand frozen, peeking a glance through the crack in the door. "I can accept the fact that you're with these women, but I can't stand that you're paying for it! I have a daughter to support and it's my-"

"Will you stop Connie?!" He yelled furiously, his fists clenching, and going as red as the nightgown Sonny was wearing. She felt a lump rise in her throat, and she desperately wanted to stop Steve, because he didn't even look like Steve anymore. It was like he was a different person. "I know what I did was wrong, and I won't pay them anymore, but trust me, they put out more than you or any other free woman does!"

"I don't deserve you," Connie hissed, her own fists clenching. "You sick freak who likes to feed everyone's drug addictions-"

She was stopped halfway through her brave statement, because Steve had struck her across the face. Sonny tried not to scream, and covered her mouth tightly, struggling to breathe. It wouldn't be the first time. She heard Connie gasp, and another strike across her face.

"Stop! Stop! Please stop!" She screamed, Sonny watching in horror. Her heart almost stopped when her Mother looked right at her with a pleading look in her eyes, but she begged her daughter to run way upstairs, blood running from her lip.

****

"Mom!" Sonny sat up straight. Surrounding her was her bedroom in the apartment she shared with Chad Dylan Cooper. The sun was shining through the window, reflecting on the clothes scattered around the room and the crème wallpaper. Sonny thought she was alone, until she felt around in her bed, disturbing something that was definitely not her own. She turned around to see Chad lying naked next to her, his golden hair reflecting off the sun's rays.

So they did have sex.

She thought that it was just a dream; just a wonderful dream, but it was reality. She gasped, and realised just what their one night meant. He had told her he loved her, and she kissed him, not knowing what to say, or what to even feel. They weren't seventeen anymore and running around on the sets of their immature shows. They were both adults and had to act responsibly. Had they even been safe? The evidence hanging from Sonny's dresser would suggest so.

Oh no, she thought. Why did she do it? When she thought about it, she had actually made an Aerosmith song come to life the night before. It was strange, but the thought of it made strange butterflies explode in her stomach. She shook her head and demanded that she think reasonably, instead of listening to her rapid heartbeat. Sonny was supposed to guard her feelings now! She wasn't supposed to kiss her roommate/best friend in an elevator and then make love to him. James Conroy had taught her a lesson, and she was supposed to have learned from it. Okay, she couldn't deny that it was a brilliant night. She knew that she only had one previous experience, but Chad Dylan Cooper was the best she'd had. Oh, how she would love to have told someone like Perez Hilton or US Weekly that one. When they were making love, she couldn't get enough of Chad. She desperately needed his kisses like an addict needed heroin, and when their bodies met, she grasped onto him. She was surprised when she looked at Chad and felt the urge to kiss him again.

Chad actually looked quite handsome when he slept, which was highly unusual, but he looked so calm. She looked at him and wondered if the feeling she felt in the gut of her stomach was love. Did he even mean it when he said he loved her? Chad loved a lot of things after a few drinks, but did he love Sonny? It had taken them so long to get to the point where they were able to put aside childish crushes and embark on a mature friendship. Was she willing to throw it all away for a relationship? Even now, she still cringed like her seventeen year old self when she thought of being with Chad Dylan Cooper.

"I know," he suddenly mumbled, opening his deep blue eyes. "I'm beautiful even when I sleep." He smirked, and sat up, trying to kiss her on the lips, but she conveniently moved to the side so it was only her cheek he kissed. She was not ready to make sense of her feelings.

"Morning," she smiled, covering up her naked body. She should have really thought to dress again afterwards, but no one ever really thinks of that after something as fun as that. Yeah, she had to admit it; she'd had a very good time. "Did you sleep well?"

"I barely slept," he sneered, not noticing the fact that Sonny was edging away from him. "So, umm, did you have a good time?"

"I can't complain," she laughed nervously, noticing the mess she looked from the mirror on the wall across from her. How could he stand to be so close to her? She looked like something that crawled out of the woods! Yet, he practically looked immaculate. "How was it for you?"

"You're not bad Munroe," he winked, trying to put his arm around her, which she allowed. She didn't want him to think that she was repulsed by him. If she was honest, she was far from repulsed from him, but her heart was still racing after the nightmare she had. She couldn't wipe the memory of her Mom's terrified expression from her mind. "So, uh, about last night-"

"Chad it was a mistake!" Sonny snapped, before he told her exactly what she didn't need to hear. She looked away from him and at the midnight blue duvet they had shared most of the night. She didn't want to see how he had reacted. "It was great and we both had the time of our lives, but we shouldn't have."

"Really?" He asked, and she forced herself to look at him. He looked confused, and sighed. "So, we just had sex as friends?"

"Yeah, but it was awesome," she assured him, trying to take his hand, but he pulled it away. Why did she think he was going to be alright with this? "We're great friends now Chad, and what we did there, well it wasn't the wisest thing to do when we're trying to build a mature friendship."

"Okay, but you - never mind, you're right," he nodded, but he didn't look as convincing as she did. Did Sonny want it to mean more? She looked at Chad, and let her feelings dominate her. He took her breath away and she couldn't deny it. He made her feel hot, even when it was freezing cold, and he made her laugh like no one else. He was the greatest friend she could ever have asked for. But was that all? Could Chad be more than a good friend to Sonny? Again, her Mother's destroyed expression flashed across her eyes. She shook her head, trying to shake it off. What was she going to do?

"It was a one time thing," she insisted. When she said it, it suddenly felt very wrong. Looking at Chad, a part of her wanted to kiss him again, but then she thought of their friendship. They were such good friends, and totally proving every theory about men and women being friends wrong. They couldn't destroy that now because of one night of drunken antics. "I know you said some things-"

"I was drunk," Chad protested immediately, shaking his head and sneering. "You know me Sonny, I declared my love for a banana the last time I was out of it. You know what I'm like." Yeah, she did. Sonny knew Chad like no one else, and that was just how she liked it. Being someone's best friend gave you that ability, but being someone's girlfriend involved a lot more. Sonny didn't want it. Okay, maybe she wanted a repeat of last night, but nothing else. No way. He was her friend. Chad Dylan Cooper was just a best friend. Great.

"You don't love me in that way?" She asked him.

"Nope, and you don't love me in that way, right?" She looked at him, and she could swear that his eyes were begging her to deny that fact completely. Her own heart was actually asking her to tell him the opposite, but her mind thought otherwise, and she wasn't a fan of following her heart. It hurt too much.

"We're just good friends," she nodded, and smiled at him, trying to make it look as reassuring as she could, but she wasn't even sure anymore. Chad nodded.

"We're just good friends."

****

"Apparently we are not good friends," Sonny told Lucy a month later, as they grabbed some coffee from Starbucks, avoiding the glare of the paparazzi. She was wearing a pair of sunglasses and a floral print dress, trying to divert attention away from herself.

"You're not?" Lucy asked, but she didn't look surprised. When Sonny told her best friend about what had happened the night of the party, Lucy immediately said that things were going to change. She didn't want to believe her, because things couldn't change. She had gotten so used to her life as it was, and she was definitely not ready to enter into yet another lifestyle change. "Wow, what a shock(!)."

"I did not think that one night stands did this to anyone," she replied, shaking her head, ignoring her friend's mocking sarcasm. She couldn't remember exactly when it started, but she and Chad could barely stand to be in the same room together. It wasn't that Sonny hated him, and she was sure he wasn't mad at her, but suddenly they had nothing left to say to each other.

"Well, you guys live together, so…" she trailed off when Sonny lowered her sunglasses to make Lucy perfectly aware that she was glaring at her. "I'm sorry, but you asked me to be honest with you, so I am. I honestly think that you and Chad need some time away to absorb this. You did a very emotional thing with each other, and you even said he's the best-"

"He has people everywhere, and he cannot know I said that!" She hissed. "We'll be fine. It's just weird, because he saw…parts of me that a friend doesn't usually see, and I saw parts of him. This has totally not ruined friendships before, has it." She saw her about to open her mouth, and immediately pointed her index finger. "Do not tell me about _When Harry Met Sally! It was a movie! Not reality!"_

"_Wow, this is seriously bugging you, huh?" Lucy asked, stroking her hand supportively, smiling at her in an assuring manner, but it wasn't making her feel any better. "Why did you even kiss him? Especially after the whole James saga."_

"_I was drunk!" Sonny protested, but Lucy didn't believe it was any excuse. She taught History in the local high school near her neighbourhood and also served as a teacher in health class. Sonny felt like a student whenever her best friend lectured her about sex. Lucy's number one rule was that alcohol was merely a prompter to deeper feelings, it didn't hallucinate anything. "I don't want to be his girlfriend. Not after the whole James saga. I want to be alone."_

"_Do you like him?" Lucy asked. It was a question she asked almost every week. She never believed that Sonny and Chad's friendship was merely a friendship. What did Sonny expect from someone who had read Jane Austen more than fifty times? Sonny was a realist, and a postmodernist; men and women could easily be friends, and she was determined to prove that._

"_He's my best friend and that is that," she shrugged, looking away from her friend. It was odd, but when she said it, she was a little disappointed, like she had watched a very anti-climatic scene. "But this is weird. He can't even find the guts to look at me anymore, but no one's saying anything."_

_The day before, they had sat in silence in the living room. Whenever they exchanged a glance, he always looked away from her, and she looked away from him immediately after. It was strange; somehow it gave her a rush. She was left breathless and wishing he would look at her more._

"_Why don't you then?" She asked, as if it was the simplest solution. Lucy was a darling, but did she have any idea what she was asking Sonny to do?_

"_No, you know what, it'll be fine," she shrugged her shoulders, putting on the best superficial smile she could. "You know what? Just forget I said anything."_

"_Fine," she replied, but she didn't look convincing. Sonny was going to have to prepare herself for a surprise attack on the subject later on in the week. "Can I distract you?" She asked me, smiling a little._

"_Please," she begged her._

"_I'm seeing someone," she hissed excitedly, immediately blushing. She couldn't believe it. Sonny could never imagine Lucy seeing anyone, because she blushed whenever a boy looked in her direction. Now she was still blushing, but she could see a glint of romance in her eyes and she couldn't stop smiling._

"_Oh my God! Who?" She demanded, trying to keep my voice to a whisper, but it was incredibly difficult. "Sweetie, I need all the details you have!"_

"_Relax, it's only been for the last few weeks," she insisted, prompting a gasp from Sonny. It was strange, but she couldn't imagine anyone with her best friend. She seemed to pristine and perfect, and in her opinion no one was good enough for her, not even if they were an angel, or a member of some royal family. "We met at a party last month and it just sort of escalated from there. I really like him, and I think he likes me too."_

"_You're killing me, who is it?" She begged her. She could imagine it being Prince Harry or someone like that, but even then she felt he was a little too extreme for Lucy. She found California absolutely terrifying since she moved to be near Sonny, so she had absolutely no idea how she would cope with a boyfriend._

"_You know Nick Darcy?" She asked, and Sonny literally had to bite my finger to stop myself from screaming. Who didn't know Nick Darcy was the correct question! She was well aware of who Nick Darcy was, and immediately she couldn't believe Lucy's luck. He was regarded as one of the most talented teenagers to emerge in the new millennium. With his hypnotizing hazel eyes, chestnut coloured hair and brooding expressions, he was very handsome. He was well known for his charity work and speeches on equal rights in society. Hell, he even confessed that he planned to go to Harvard if the singing thing didn't work out, but with his mesmerising song writing and singing abilities, Sonny couldn't see him heading to Harvard anytime soon._

"_You're kidding me!" Sonny gasped, covering her mouth, but Lucy shook her head. She was dating Nick Darcy! Sonny was unbelievably happy for her. It was about time Lucy met someone that could match her in both looks and personality. She had to admit that this boy was good enough for her best friend._

"_I know, can you believe it? He's dating me and he actually wants to!" She shook her head, as if she was prompting herself to wake up from a wonderful dream. It was a shame that she didn't think she was good enough for anyone._

"_I'm so happy for you," Sonny gushed, squeezing her hand. "You deserve it. Don't dare think you're so incredibly lucky. You're such an awesome person. He's the one that should feel really lucky to be going out with you."_

"_Really?" She asked, looking a little unsure. She was biting her lip and looking for reassurance, like she always was. Sonny nodded her head._

"_Okay, so I want details," she insisted, putting her arm around Lucy. "From when you first met, to how it's going right now."_

"_Sonny Munroe?!" She felt her heard skip a beat when she heard that voice. She hadn't heard that voice in such a long time, and she was sure that she would never hear it again. They hadn't parted on wonderful terms, and Sonny had always feared the day where they would have to speak again. Just when she thought that Chad was the only problem in her life. She turned round, and there she was._

"_Tawni!"_


	3. Chapter 3

**So sorry this took forever guys. I have no self-discipline, and I was super busy. I really hope you like this...please review!**

Sonny looked up at the familiar blonde, her eyes wide for a moment. Well, this was going to be awkward.

"Tawni!" she repeated, putting on a thrilled face. "How are you? You look great!"

"I know," Tawni said shortly, her reply icy.

Sonny chanced a panicked look at Lucy, as if imploring her friend to save her from what could only be called the second-most awkward experience in her life.

"Hey Tawni!" Lucy chirped, trying to divert the attention of Sonny's old co-star.

"Lulu," the blonde curtly nodded.

The two Wisconsin natives shared an uneasy look as the blonde made herself comfortable and sat in an empty chair, her purse on her lap.

"So how have you been?" Sonny attempted to start a conversation after an uncomfortable pause.

"Oh, save it, Sonshine," Tawni sneered as she rolled her eyes. "This isn't time to play 'catch-up'. I honestly couldn't care less about your life."

"Well then why bother to even talk to me?" the brunette star asked, affronted.

"You're still best friends with our dear old _Chad_, "am I correct?"

Sonny felt her insides groan. Was friend _really _the word to describe them at this point? She snuck a glance at Lucy, who was immersed in a magazine featuring a fiery redhead on the cover, holding a shot in each hand. She wasn't going to be any help here.

"Well, yeah, b-"

"Great. Give me his address," Tawni demanded. Sonny seemed taken aback.

"Uh…why?"

"Uh…" the blonde mocked Sonny, "because he called me to 'reconnect' or some shit like that," Tawni explained.

Sonny felt her heart hammering in her chest. Reconnect? What did that mean? Chad knew of the tension between Tawni and herself. Was he really that mad at her?

"Well, if you want, you could just ride with me, I should be heading there in about five minutes," Sonny rambled.

"When I said 'reconnect', that didn't include you."

"Okay…" the brunette said slowly, masking the bit of hurt she felt. "Well, you can still ride with me. I need to stop by anyway; I left something behind this morning before heading out." This caused Tawni's eyebrows to furrow.

"Why were you leaving Chad Dylan Cooper's place in the morning? Are you guys doing it or something?"

"Uh…" Sonny started to reply, fighting the blush that rose to her cheeks. "Actually, Chad and I are roomies," she was able to finish.

"You two are living together? Little Sonny Monroe is living with a man she is not married to? Surprise, surprise!" Tawni called, genuinely shocked. She leaned back in her chair, staring Sonny hard in the eyes. "So, you're living together. Are you fucking?"

Sonny choked on the beverage she had been drinking. Leave it to Tawni to be blunt and bitchy. Why was she so interesting in her sex life anyway?

"Of course not!" she cried, dabbing at her mouth.

"Good." Tawni's grin was one worthy of the Cheshire Cat. "Tawni Hart doesn't share."

Sonny was pretty sure her face drained of color at Tawni's words. Had she always been like this? It was hard to say. They hadn't really talked in three years. Sonny cleared her throat.

"Well, like I said, you can ride with me over there, Chad should be home."

"We leave in five minutes," Tawni instructed, standing up and walking towards the ladies' room, leaving Sonny and Lucy at the table. Lucy looked up from her magazine.

"Did you know that on average, Keisha Wright goes to eight parties a week? Who does that? There's only seven days in a week! How is that even _possible_?"

"Why are you reading up on Keisha Wright?" Sonny asked her friend, trying to laugh away the awkwardness bestowed by Tawni.

"Well, actually, she dated Nick for awhile. They were pretty serious, and he said that she just got too out of control for him. I can see why. _Eight_ parties a week, Sonny. _Eight_."

"A party!" Sonny exclaimed, startling the other brunette at the table. At her friend's questioning look, Sonny leaned forward, excited about her brilliant idea. "Chad's birthday is this weekend, right? Well what better way to show him we can still be friends than by throwing him a party?" Lucy merely blinked at her.

"So…you're going to throw him a 'Just-Because-We-Had-Sex-Doesn't-Mean-We're-Not-Best-Friends' party _disguised_ as a birthday party?"

"Exactly!"

"Sonny Monroe, I do believe you are a genius!" Lucy complimented. Sonny smiled brightly before Lucy continued. "Just not when it comes to this. I mean, a party, Sonny? With alcohol? Isn't that what led to this problem in the first place?" Sonny groaned.

"C'mon Lucy! You can come with Nick! See, you're the first two people invited! It'll be at our penthouse, you _have_ to come!" The actress let loose with a puppy dog pout. Lucy sighed.

"Fine, we'll be there."

"Be where?" a third voice chirped. Both brunettes turned to see Tawni walking towards them.

"Oh, just a thing. You ready?" Sonny quickly covered.

"Yes, I'm ready. Bye Lulu," Tawni said, unenthusiastically before leading the way outside.

Sonny waved her hand in the street, trying to hail a cab, and failing miserably. Tawni gave her a disgusted look.

"What are you doing?" Before Sonny could reply, Tawni held up her hand to silence her. "Actually, save it, I don't want to know. But Tawni Hart doesn't take cabs," she stated, getting out her phone, pressing a button, and holding it to her ear. "Around the front," was all she said before hanging up. And within a minute, a sleek black sedan pulled up to the curb. Tawni opened the backdoor and gracefully entered the vehicle, leaving the door open for the brunette, who slid in and closed the door.

The driver stared into the rearview mirror, waiting for instructions from his employer. The blonde gave her old friend an impatient look. Sonny realized this and quickly told the driver her and Chad's address, and the sedan started moving.

The brunette was fidgeting in her seat, not comfortable with the tension in the car. She turned to her former cast mate after about ten minutes.

"So…what are you doing now?" she asked cheerfully.

"I'm a model."

"Oh really? That's awesome! What kind of modeling do-"

"You know what Sonny, zip it. You forfeited all rights to being my friend when you abandoned _So Random!_ all those years ago. You _left_ us all. You left your _friends_, just for a bigger break," Tawni hissed at her. Sonny's mouth was open in shock.

"What? Tawni, I thought you would all be _happy_ for me! We all knew we were all going to get too old for the show. I loved that show, it's what brought me here in the first place, and I'll never forget that! But you would have done the same thing!" she defended as the driver pulled up to her building. Enraged, Sonny all but kicked open the door and stormed out of the sleek vehicle, marching towards her building. As she entered the foyer, she heard the door of the sedan slam shut as pricy heels click-clacked after her.

"Maybe I would have! But I'm Tawni Hart! I was _born_ for great things! You're just some little farm girl who got lucky _once_ and stepped on everyone around you to get to where you are now!" the model screamed at her, drawing the attention of people in the lobby. Sonny folded her arms and pressed the button for the elevator.

"You are causing a scene, Tawni," she whispered as the blonde approached her. Before the model could say anything more, Sonny shoved her into the elevator, where their argument would be more private. The doors closed and the brunette turned on her old friend.

"I see what this is. You're jealous that _I_ left before you! You always thought you were such a great actress, and that you should get all of the roles, and you just can't get over the fact that somebody wanted _me_ instead of you!" Sonny yelled at her, which caused Tawni to explode.

"_What_? You think that _I'm_ jealous of _you_? Ha! Don't make me laugh! I'm a successful model, living on my own. I only go to the best clubs, I wear designer _everything_. I'm pretty! My life is _perfect_!" She shouted as they arrived to Sonny's floor. The doors opened and Sonny led the way out, unlocking her door with her key.

"Is it Tawni? Is it _really_?" Sonny questioned, not realizing she was taking a leaf out of Chad's book. "Or do you just convince yourself that your life is perfect? I don't see why else you would obviously hate me so much if it wasn't for what I suggested earlier!"

"When are you going to realize that not everything is about you?" Tawni growled as they entered into Sonny's living room. The brunette scoffed.

"And this coming from you? I don't think you're in any position to lecture me about self-centeredness."

The two girls were now standing in the living room, staring each other down, waiting for the other to make a wrong move.

"I thought I heard voices," Chad smirked as he leaned on the doorframe of his room. "Not that it was hard to miss your yelling."

"Chad!" Tawni exclaimed, backing up from his roommate. Sonny rolled her eyes at her transparent enthusiasm.

"Glad you could make it Tawni," he nodded to her. Sonny made her way to the kitchen to get something to drink. She didn't want Tawni to notice how awkward things were, and she wasn't going to mention the party until she was out of earshot, or better yet, gone.

"So, why did you want to see me?" Tawni asked, though her tone implied that she knew _exactly_ why.

"I thought we could catch up. You know, maybe over dinner," Chad suggested, turning on the charm. Sonny gagged on her water. Really? He was going to this in front of her?

_But it's okay. Because you guys are just friends. Just friends. Just friends. Just friends. Nothing more. Remember the party, Sonny, remember the party._

Around that time, Tawni excused herself for one reason or another. Psh, models. Chad stood awkwardly in the center of the living room, avoiding looking at his best friend. His best friend, on the other hand, was gathering the courage to speak.

"Do you have any plans for your birthday yet?" Sonny finally managed. Her voice seemed to startle her blonde roommate, who looked up in shock.

"Um…not that I'm aware of." This caused the actress to smile.

"Good. Because I. Am throwing you. A party," she announced, pausing after every few words. Chad's face was blank for a second.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure! C'mon Chad, I threw you a party last year! Why would this year be any different?" she asked, acting as if it was the dumbest question in the world.

"Well, things have been a little weird since-"

"Hope you didn't miss me too much!" Tawni interrupted, strutting back into the room and nestling up to Chad's side. "What were you two talking about?"

"Sonny's throwing me a birthday party next weekend," Chad informed her as he looked Sonny in the eyes, as though daring her to uninvited Tawni, yet begging her to as well.

"Sounds…awesome," the blonde female faked a smile.

"Yeah, it's going to be great," Sonny nodded, inwardly groaning. Tawni was standing her ground, and Sonny knew that her life just got a little more complicated.

* * *

Please don't forget to review! It really motivates us!


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Considering I forgot to put one in before, I will be doing it now and for every chapter I post. I thought I'd post this one straight after chapter 3, because the party is really an epic moment in the whole story, and explains a few things you really want to know about our favourite characters. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for the reviews, the favouriting/subscribing/etc. It means the world to us, and it also makes us want to write more and more. You guys are awesome. Oh, and if you're looking for more angst or just general Chad/Sonny love, please check out our personal profiles. Thank you all very much. Much love to you all! Read and review!**

Sonny Munroe was jealous. She didn't want to be, it was the side of her that most people would deem unattractive, but she couldn't help herself. The mere thought of the two of them kissing, or even holding each other made her want to barf. Where did it come from? Suddenly Chad's golden hair was something of a temptation to mess at any given opportunity, and the dimples that used to annoy her had suddenly become an invitation to kiss his lips.

She had to constantly remind herself why she didn't want to be with him, and why it was just a little crush. It wasn't like she was ready to faint every time they touched…fine, sometimes she was. Her Mother had only recently escaped from the boyfriend who chose those who demanded money for affection over her Mother. It was ludicrous to Sonny why her Mom had even fallen for the man, but it had terrified her nonetheless. She vowed never to fall for anyone. Sure, it seemed ridiculous, but the thought of giving up everything she had for a man who didn't give a shit seemed the worst thing Sonny could do. It was certainly worse than giving up a certain golden blonde guy. Yeah, it was. It had to be.

"So, how was your date last night with Tawni?" Sonny asked him, as they were hanging decorations in the living room of their apartment. She deliberately used the word date, because he was more likely to deny that it was a date, than confirm it if she used the word "dinner". If she was honest, the word "date" sent an unusual sensation down her body.

"It was fun," he shrugged his shoulders, sending a slightly more painful sensation down to her gut. She was close to scrunching up the blown up photo of Chad as a kid, but she stopped herself. "After you left _So Random, _we got to talking and became friends. I don't know where this is going. She's an awesome girl and all, but not my type."

Oh yeah, Tawni was so awesome that she seemed hell bent on making Sonny pay for something that wasn't her fault. She never, for one second, thought she was better than the show that made her famous. She just knew that, as much as she tried to repress it, she would never fully be recognised as anything other than the sidekick of Tawni Hart.

"So, you're not boyfriend and girlfriend?" Sonny asked him, sitting down on their sofa for a rest. Chad stopped what he was doing and came over to sit next to her. It was terrifying, but whenever she looked into his eyes, she could swear that she would be lost within seconds. A heart attack was always imminent when Chad sat next to her. How did she put up with all of it?

"No," he insisted. "Why? Would you have had a problem with that?"

Of course! Her mind screamed, but she shook her head immediately, and burst out laughing. Unfortunately Chad didn't see what was so funny.

"You know what? Fuck it, I am done being so damn quiet about what happened," he snapped, sitting up straight, releasing her eyes from the trance they were in. "We can't even talk anymore Sonny! Our friendship has died, and we don't even know it!"

"We just need time to absorb what happened," she protested, but if she looked deep within and forced her mind to be honest, she knew he was right. The tension could easily be cut with a knife and whenever she looked at him, all she could see was the night they did it. "Chad, we cannot let this little thing destroy us. It was just sex. It's no big deal. What is the big deal about sex anyway?"

"Because it's pretty obvious that one of us thought it was a big deal that night," he snapped, but he didn't mean to say it, because he immediately sighed and looked away. Did Chad mean the things he said to her that night? She leaned over to him, and tried taking his hand, but he didn't let her.

"Chad, what is it? Just tell me," she pleaded worriedly, resting her hand on top of his. The warmth of his skin sent chills down her spine, and she was sure she was about to lose her breath.

"Forget it," he insisted, taking his hand away and staring straight ahead. "It would ruin everything."

Sonny wasn't thinking properly in the next minute, but she felt that it had to be done. She couldn't possibly just sit there in silence and start beaming about the party. That moment had passed when she tried to argue that their one night stand was not a big deal. She had to do something to show him that she still cared for him.

So she kissed him again.

She didn't mean to, and the moment she started, she began to regret it, because the feelings she had were definitely not feelings that a friend should have. Within seconds, he was lying on top of her on the sofa, and she was clutching him tightly, not allowing their lips to part. She saw exactly where he was going when he took off his shirt and caressed her neck with his lips. It was a wonderful feeling and she made that perfectly clear. It was perfect. Everything around her was clouded and her mind couldn't be heard. It was the best moment she could have hoped for.

It was when he began unbuttoning her jeans that she stepped away. Yes, she knew exactly what he wanted, and seconds before, she was a willing participant, but that moment had passed when it all became so real. If he unbuttoned her jeans, it wouldn't stop. She would be giving in and breaking her own promise. The thought of it made her gasp.

"What is it?" Chad asked breathlessly.

"I can't," she shook her head, squirming away from him. "If we do it, then we become more than friends, and if we become more than friends, then that's not good. You don't love me, and I don't love you. That's how it works with us. We can't do this." Chad looked disappointed, and sighed as he put his top back on. He glared at her before shaking his head.

"You don't see it," he told her, walking right up to her, his breath decorating her rosy cheeks. "But we killed our friendship that night we did it. We've already fucked this up way beyond repair."

"That's not-" he walked away before she could deny it. She would have to change his mind. She couldn't lose him altogether. The thought of losing Chad was unbearable.

****

They were barely talking that night, and it wasn't a good idea, because that also was the night that Sonny was hosting his party. He invited Tawni, and she was sure that it was to spite her, but she refused to acknowledge the fact that she was jealous. It was a little crush. People always got little crushes, and they didn't always have to turn out to be a girl's soul mate. Sonny Munroe didn't rely on love; she couldn't rely on Chad Dylan Cooper, even though arguing with him brought her a strange sensation that couldn't be cured with a little aspirin.

"I plan on getting so wasted I throw up out of the window," she told Lucy, downing her first shot of the night. That was when she noticed the brooding young musician holding the hand of her best friend. "I'm Sonny Munroe, I will definitely not be doing that."

"Nick, I told you about my best friend, didn't I?" Lucy smiled, her cheeks blushing when their eyes met, "The moral compass in my life."

"Hey, at least it's the window and not on her own floor," Nick smirked. Sonny liked him. She laughed, and then she looked over at Chad, who was standing with Tawni Hart. Sonny shouldn't have wanted to go over there and try to make amends with the girl that put her down at every instant, but she didn't want to be on awful terms with the girl her supposed best friend was dating. She really hoped they weren't dating, because the feeling inside her gut ached worse than it did that time of the month.

"Tawni, can I talk to you a second?" Sonny asked her quietly, walking over there after excusing herself from Lucy and Nick, who looked perfectly fine being left to their own devices. She looked at him like she had never seen anything so beautiful, and he gripped her hand like he was terrified that she was going to disappear, it was nice. It almost made Sonny wish someone was holding her hand.

"Sonny, I just don't care," Tawni insisted, squeezing Chad's hand. He looked at the ground awkwardly, when he should have demanded that she treat Sonny with respect. Wow, he was seriously pissed with her.

"I know that you're still pissed because of what happened, but if we could just talk it through-"

"I got back at you though Sonny! Before you even left I got my revenge!" She snapped, Chad looking up at her with horror. Sonny looked surprised at the expression on both their faces, and wondered why the hell she looked crazy and he looked afraid.

"Did something happen-"

"THE PARTY DON'T START TILL I WALK IN!"

Sonny froze immediately. That voice sounded so familiar, and she was sure that it used to plague her TV, and it was still plaguing her radio. It was a voice that belonged to a person that should not be at this party. Her heart was about to leap out of her throat. Of all the things that could possibly go wrong! She looked over at Lucy, whose face had changed from a pure rosy expression, to an expression that could compete with the Wicked Witch of the West.

Keisha Wright had just walked into the room.

"Keisha!" Chad smiled, walking up to the girl, whose dirty blonde hair was covering her hazel eyes. She looked like she had just left a party, with her smudged eyeliner and green strap hanging down her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around Chad, which again made Sonny feel what could be compared to an injection of pain pulsing through her veins. She looked away immediately, and stopped clenching her fist.

"Chad, you invited Keisha?" Sonny asked politely, trying to mask her shock and fury. Keisha looked at her, and then she was subjected to a superficial hug and a kiss.

"Yeah, she's an old friend of mine," Chad smiled, taking great delight in the matter. He wasn't just pissing off Sonny, Lucy and Nick had skulked off into another room to avoid her glare. I felt bad for him, he had ended things with the girl on the grounds of her enjoyment of a lethal white powder and her love of partying: something she would never understand. Poor Lucy was in emotional no man's land.

"Before you came, I was seen as the darling of The Falls," she told Sonny. Sonny tried to ignore the fact that she was slurring and that her breath could make anyone drunk. "It is so cool that you guys are best friends forever. I can't be friends with a guy, we always end up doing more."

"Is that so?" Sonny smiled politely, trying not to panic. The party was just about ruined, if someone decided to invite her Mother's ex-boyfriend, then it was officially ruined. Why was Chad looking at her with such contempt? Why was he taking such delight in her misery?

"Me and Nick were friends once," she said, and her face turned into a small frown. Oh no, if she knew that he was here, then Sonny really was doomed. "And then we were more than friends. I really loved him you know. He was such an awesome guy. I am so sorry that we even broke up."

"I know, it must have been awful," Sonny nodded, pretending to be sympathetic. "Well, I'm going to let you two catch up."

Sonny immediately went to find Lucy and Nick, who were hiding out in Sonny's bedroom. Nick looked like he had seen a ghost, and Lucy just looked extremely sick. It had to be one of the worst feelings, probably worse than watching your best friend holding hands with Tawni Hart. It actually stung like a scorpion when she thought about it.

"I didn't know she was coming," Sonny insisted, biting her lip nervously. "Apparently Chad knows her and he invited her not knowing that you hate her. I'm so sorry sweetie."

"I just can't believe she's here!" Lucy snapped, covering her face with her hands. Sonny immediately motioned to put her arm around her, but Nick already did, kissing her on the cheek. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say to her, and I know I'm going to have to say something."

"No one has to say anything to her," Nick insisted. He was optimistic; it was difficult to ignore her presence. "She's so out of it, she probably doesn't realise that we're even here."

"This is just great," Sonny sighed, rolling her eyes at the stroke of luck that had been handed to her. "Chad hates me, and Keisha is here. That's just how it rolls for me. If you want to go, then I can go distract her while you make a quick getaway or something?"

"You wouldn't mind?" Lucy asked me, her eyes lighting up with hope. "I feel like I should be there considering Chad isn't even talking to you." Sonny shook her head, and even though she was dreading the fact that she would have to face Chad and his friends alone, she couldn't subject her own best friend to the fear of running into Keisha.

Sonny walked out of the room first, and made a point of walking up to Keisha, who was standing there with a boy who had dirty blonde hair exactly like her. He was tall and he had a lot of tattoos on his body; he stood around like he was too good for the place. Sonny knew him as Keisha's slightly older brother, Ryan, who was performing in a band trying to be as dangerous as a real rock band, but their credibility was constantly damaged by the fact that Keisha was his sister.

"Ryan, this is Sonny Munroe," Keisha smiled, the moment Sonny walked up to them. She didn't like the way Ryan looked at her. He looked at her like a piece of meat. She knew exactly where he would want the conversation to lead at the end of the night.

"Hi there," Sonny waved nervously, watching for Lucy coming out of the room. "So, you're Keisha's brother?"

"I can be anyone you want me to be," he winked at her. Wow, he was sleazier than she thought. She didn't actually think lines like that existed outside of the movies when the heroine described a terrible date. Before that moment, Sonny Munroe didn't actually believe anyone said that line.

"Really? You're going to use that one on me?" She asked, shaking her head. She looked out for Lucy, but she couldn't help but notice that Chad and Tawni were still holding hands, and he was still avoiding her glance whenever she looked at him. She hated it. She actually hated it.

"It's getting you talking, isn't it?" He asked her, and she couldn't deny that. There was something about his eyes. She could barely tell what colour they were, a cross between blue and hazel. Something about them entranced her, and almost made her miss Lucy. Lucy and Nick nodded towards her, and Sonny had to think of something to say to Keisha before she turned round.

"I need a drink."

It was those four words that forced Keisha to turn round. Sonny tried to stop it, and immediately looked for a drink around her to use or steal. She couldn't stop her though. When she found the plastic cup, Keisha's body was already turned, and she was staring with horror at her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend, who were frozen, like deer in headlights.

Oh God, Sonny thought.

"You're here?!" Keisha demanded, looking furious. Her screeched words gathered the attention of everyone, including Chad, who bit his lip with guilt. If she hadn't been so nervous and mortified, Sonny's heart would have skipped a beat watching his lips curl around the outside of his lower lip.

"I don't have to be, I'm going," Nick insisted, keeping his head down. His hand was still gripped to Lucy's, and his ex-girlfriend looked disgusted. She looked at them as if they were poison. "I didn't know you were coming, okay?"

"Whatever, right? This was always going to happen!" Keisha snapped, folding her arms. "It is so nice that you managed to move on so fast, wow, couldn't keep it in your pants, could you Nicky?"

"Please Keisha, this is a party," Lucy pleaded, but that only infuriated the dirty blonde haired girl further. She glared at Lucy as if she was dirt. How dare she speak to Nick's first love like that? She was only the new girlfriend. She wasn't the one who had loved him quite like Keisha did.

"I don't give a shit, okay?" She snapped, walking right up to Lucy. "Don't you dare talk to me like you're the fucking moral compass. Has he been telling you things about me? Like how I'm a drug addict? It's so untrue Nicky, don't even act like that!"

"Keisha, this is completely inappropriate," he said, gritting his teeth. He spoke to her like she was a child. Their relationship must have been a turbulent one, but there was still something, they both looked at each other with extreme intensity. It was a relationship that had to have been founded on lust and passion. She clearly still loved him. "It's Chad's birthday."

"Who fucking cares? She asked, tears coming to her eyes. "Look at me! I'm fucking crying at this fucking party with everyone fucking looking. I don't understand Nicky! I don't understand why we ended it? She will never love you like me. She's the rebound. That's all she is."

"You're a fucking drug addicted party girl who goes to eight parties a week!" Lucy eventually snapped, her eyes wide with fury. Sonny watched her with amazement. Lucy was unlikely to get angry over anything unless someone really pushed her. "He ended things because you're a mess. You are a disgrace and he didn't want to be associated with that! I have class! Okay?"

It was a huge moment for her, and if the moment wasn't so tense and silent, Sonny would have burst into applause for her, but everyone else was frozen. Keisha looked like a child that had just been scolded, and everyone else was looking surprised. Who was this girl that had the courage to insult the coolest chick in Hollywood? Lucy looked terrified, and clung onto Nick, who looked absolutely mortified.

Keisha didn't stay still for long. It all happened so quickly. If Sonny had blinked, she would have missed it. Keisha simply walked up to Lucy, and poured a drink over her. She done it so casually and with such pride. She didn't even hesitate, she just smirked, and poured the drink over Lucy's head. It all happened so fast, and no one could stop her. Nick could only stare in horror, and Sonny could only force her way over to Lucy after it had happened.

"You fucked with the wrong girl," Keisha warned her, pointing her index finger with a threat. She said her words through gritted teeth before pushing her way to the front door. She left, but her brother didn't.

"Oh shit! I look a fucking mess!" Lucy immediately cried, trying not to burst into tears. Sonny helped wipe the stinging alcohol from her eyes with a towel. Nick held her tightly and shook his head. "I'm so embarrassed. I completely ruined the party. I can't believe she did that. Who does that?"

"She's so immature, just ignore her," Nick insisted, clenching his fist. "I want to fucking hit her so bad. I'm so sorry that it even happened. She ruined yet another party. Sonny. I'm so sorry about this. All of this. For God's sake, trust me to have dated the craziest chick in this city."

"We need to go," Lucy insisted, wrapping her arms around Sonny. Sonny could smell the beer that had been poured on her head, and nodded immediately. Everyone was still looking in their direction, and Lucy's mortified expression and beetroot cheeks were not as adorable as the rosy cheeks she had been sporting earlier. She was trying not to cry, even though she was trembling, and her boyfriend was putting most of his strength into keeping her balance.

"I'll go get your coats," Sonny insisted. The coats were in her bedroom. She didn't want to leave Lucy, because she looked so fragile, but Nick looked at her reassuringly. She couldn't believe that it had happened. Who did throw a drink over someone outside of the movies? Sonny was really going to have to believe in movies again.

She walked into her bedroom, and sighed, leaning against the wall as she reached for the light. Sonny liked moments of pure darkness sometimes. She could be consumed in her own thoughts, and even cry, because no one would see her tears. She wanted to cry for her best friend, and she wanted to cry for herself. She could only admit things in the dark, because it would be like it never happened. She could confess that she was crippled with jealousy watching Chad with other girls. She could admit that she cursed the fact that she made a promise not to fall for anyone. She couldn't ever say it again though. It had to be a crush.

Sonny turned on the light and gasped.

"Oh my God!"

It was Chad and Tawni. Naked in her bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**AHHHHH! I am SO sorry for the long wait. Things got hectic with school and dance and whatnot. And I feel like a horrible person for leaving y'all with that cliffhanger. Sorry in advanced for any typos in my chapters. My computer crashed last week, I think it was, and I lost Microsoft Office (which I NEED SO MUCH!) Also, thanks so much for all of your reviews! Though, I feel like I should mention, this is a "Sonny" story. Which means while it does has bits of Channy here and there, the main focus is on Sonny and how she interacts with all of the people in her life. We have a very detailed storyline we've planned out, so even if it isn't Channy-overflow, I hope you'll still stick around! And also, kudos to **_BashfullyBeautiful92 _**for guessing that our inspiration for Nick Darcy and Keisha was in fact, Nick Jonas and Miley. While you read this story, I ask you to remember that the characters are in their 20s, and have been "unDisneyfied". Just for reference....it's going to be a bumpy ride:) Now....enough of my super long A/N...enjoy! - Kelsey**

Sonny was frozen in her steps, her fingers still on the lightswitch, wishing that she could reverse every single choice she had made in the last thirty seconds. Her jaw was permanently fixed into an "O" expression. Or, at least she thought it was, until something snapped.

"What. The. _Hell_." the brunette shouted as she quickly closed the door behind her. There had already been one 'scene' tonight, no need for another.

Tawni hastily covered herself with Sonny's comforter as she glared at the girl who had interrupted her and Chad.

"Um, _excuse_ me?" The blonde frowned, indignant. "We were kind of in the middle of something, if you don't mind."

"Actually, I _do_ mind. This is _my_ room," the Wisconsin native fumed, her eyes becoming slits as she glared past Tawni and straight at Chad. The birthday boy met her glare with a defiant one. Truthfully, he never intended to end up in Sonny's room. Tawni had taken the initiative with that one, and Chad, caught up in the moment, had just kind of gone with it.

"Well good! Then you know the way out," Tawni smirked.

"Seriously though, if you two are going to do...this," she awkwardly said, gesturing towards the two of them in Sonny's bed, "take it somewhere else. Now." Sonny was struggling to push down the bile that was rising in her throat. She couldn't believe Chad. Just earlier that day they were seconds away from...Sonny stopped her thoughts right there, knowing she'd only get more pissed.

"Sonny-"

"Save your shit, Chad. I wan't you and Tawni _out_ of my room, immediately."

And with that, Sonny grabbed Nick and Lucy's coats, turned on her heel, and walked out of her bedroom door, held held high as she rejoined the party. She marched over to where the couple was standing in the corner, trying to hide themselves from the view of the party-goers. She handed the coats to their owners in an almost robotic fashion, however, there was nothing robotic about the way she swiped a shotglass from a nearby corner and downed it in .2 seconds. Her head was racing.

This was just a crush, that was it. They _could_ go back to being friends. She was almost sure of it. The only thing seeming to stand in the way of that perfect little fantasy was Tawni. As long as Tawni was in the picture, Sonny would be jealous, and she hated to admit that. If her old castmate simply disappeared, so would the jealousy, _and_, Sonny reasoned, _the feelings_.

That day, Chad had told her that their one night had meant something to him, but here he was... fucking Tawni in his _best friend's_ bed. That night when they had crossed the line between friends and something completely undefined, he had told her, Sonny, that he loved her. But here he was... fucking Tawni in the girl he 'loves'' bed. He was sending her all of these mixed signals, and the poor brunette wasn't quite sure what to make of it. One minute, he acted like he wanted her, the next, he was moving on to Tawni.

"Um...Sonny, are you okay?" Lucy asked her cautiously. Sonny nodded, staring off into oblivion as she downed another shot.

"I'm absolutely fine. Nothing the matter at all," the actress shrugged.

Suddenly, all the eyes in the room turned to Sonny's bedroom door, which had opened with a big _BANG!_, allowing Tawni Hart to come storming out, closely followed by Chad, who was looking frantic and following the other blonde. Sonny felt her eyes roll towards the heavens. This was not going to be a pretty scene. She turned to Lucy and Nick.

"You two have already had enough drama tonight, I advise you to leave in the next thirty seconds, before this gets ugly." Lucy shot her an inquisitive glance, but was forced to turn her attention elsewhere when Nick gently pulled her by the hand and to the exit of the party. She looked back at her best friend. _Text Me_, she mouthed, and after receiving an affirmative nod from Sonny, followed her boyfriend out the door.

"What's your problem, Monroe?" Tawni asked, placing her hands on her hips as she looked Sonny directly in her deep brown eyes. The brunette took a deep breath. Tawni wanted to cause a scene? A scene was what she was going to get. Not like she really cared anymore- there was a leech attached to her heart, draining her of compassion for the two blondes before her.

"My problem? My problem is that I don't like _sluts_ fucking people in my bed!"

The room went quiet and people seemed to step back from the two ex-cast members as they glared at each other, daring the other to make a sudden move. Chad was the only one standing remotely close to the two feuding girls, his eyes flickering between the two, trying to decide who would be the first to pounce. Everyone was expecting Tawni to blow up in response to the accusation that had been made, but what happened next was twenty times more frightening.

She laughed.

But it wasn't a normal laugh. Tawni Hart never laughs a normal laugh anymore, that belonged with _So Random!_ No...this laugh was a laugh that ran shivers down your spine. This laugh was the equivalent to the calm before the storm. This laugh was a harbringer of danger.

"Slut?" the blonde queried. "Really, Monroe? Slut? Now, surely you don't _really_ think that. Are you just mad that I get more action than you? You've had a taste of what sex is like, and you just can't get enought, isn't that right?" At Sonny's shocked face, Tawni smirked. "Oh, Sonny, Sonny, Sonny," she tittered, "we _all_ know about James. About how he got what he wanted and left without a second thought-"

"Tawni," Chad barked as he tried to get into the conversation. Sure he and Sonny weren't on the best of terms at the moment, but he remembered how devestated she had been when those events had transpired. The pain in her eyes, the sobbing from behind her bedroom door. Those weeks wer a torment for both of them; Sonny trying to cope with the harsh sting of the emotional commitment that sex entailed, and Chad wishing he could somehow make her pain disappear.

"Not now Chad, I have to hand little miss Monroe what she has coming to her," the actress-turned model scolded her date as she took another step toward Sonny. "Or are you just mad that after a month after sleeping with _you_, he's already moved on to someone _better_?"

The room went completely silent, save for a few gasps here and ther. Sonny could feel hot tears pricking the back of her eyes. Her eyes darted to Chad, who looked dumbfounded. His blue eyes shifted to meet her's guiltily. Sonny felt her fists ball up in fury. He has _told_ Tawni. He had fucking _told_ Tawni.

The spectators of the fight were now whispering among themselves. Half of them seemed shocked, the other half seemed to be collecting bets from one another. However, Sonny was primarily focused on the two blondes standing across from her, at a loss of words. She was feeling such betrayal.

"Chad?" she asked in disbelief, as if wishing he would speak up for himself. When he didn't, she attempted to continue. "You...what...how? _Tawni_!" Okay, so she wasn't the best with coherent sentences at the moment.

"Yeah, he told me," Tawni dismissed, as if it was no big deal. "However, I bet he forgot to mention one little thing..." she trailed of, her grin resembling that of the Chesire Cat.

"Tawni, _don't_," Chad warned, tearing his eyes away from Sonny.

"Well, come on Chad, she _deserves_ to know," she replied in a patronizing tone. She ignored Chad's pleas of "not now" and "not like this" and focused her triumphant eyes on Sonny. The brunette knew she was going to regret what she said next.

"Know what?"

Tawni let out a mirthless giggle, eyes gleaming with malice. She had just walked right into her demise.

"That I was Chad's first, of course."

Sonny's stomach seemed to be deteriorating inside of her, seeing as how her heart just seemed to puncture a hole through it as it fell. She struggled to keep the tears captivated behind her eyes as she willed her breathing to continue regularly. She felt like she was drowning, every one around her sounded like they were so far away. Her eyes wide, she glanced at Chad, begging him with all of her heart to contradict Tawni's statement.

He wouldn't even look at her. He _couldn't_ look at her. His eyes were closed, and he looked as if he was in some sort of pain, his brow furrowed. He never wanted Sonny to find out. It was such a long time ago. Back in the days of Condor Studios, when he was in denial of his feelings for her. He was young, he was and egomaniac, determined to love only himself. In his frustration following the "Selena Gomez Incident", he had become desperate to prove to himself that he, did not, in fact, have feelings for Sonny Monroe, and by some twisted teenage logic, reasoned that it was a good idea to sleep with Tawni Hart.

Stupid, stupid, Chad.

But that had been years ago. Too bad Sonny didn't know that.

"How does it feel having sloppy seconds, Monroe? You can't be first at everything, can you?" Tawni did not have any intentions of stopping. That is, until Sonny did something completely unexpected.

In a flash, the brunette had closed the distance between the blonde girl and herself, using both her hands and forcefully shoving her backwards into a party-goer, who's red daquiri spilled onto what was surely Tawni's designer dress. The blonde looked up, her eyes menacing, before charging at the Wisconsinite while screeching at the top of her lungs. She grabbed the girl by her defined shoulders and shook her back and forth as the brunette tried to fight her off.

"Get off me you _bitch_!" Sonny cried, yanking a fistful of Tawni's precious locks, causing her head to jerk to the right. When Sonny pulled her hand away, she noticed that her fingers were wrapped in yellow. Extensions. "Ha! You aren't even fit to be a model! You had to get _extentions_!"

"Oh, it's on, Monroe!" Tawni shouted, pulling ever trick in the book when it came to catfights. She, no doubt, had the upper hand here. She was Tawni Hart, she had been in quite a few catfights.

Chad attempted to pull the two girls apart, not wanting to have to rush either one of them to the hospital. However, when he tried to pull Sonny back, her rage turned on him.

"_Don't_ fucking touch me," she hissed, murdering him with her eyes. She can't believe he never told her about him and Tawni. They were _best friends_. This level of betrayel was unforgivable. The ex-_Mackenzie Falls_ actor backed away slowly, resolving to pulling Tawni out of the squabble. Sonny felt two strong arms wrap around her and drag her in the opposite direction of the two people she currently hated more than anyone else in the world. She watched as Chad ushered his bimbo somewhere out of sight and turned around to see who had saved her from what probably would have turned into an ass-whooping.

Ryan Wright was standing there, half-grinning at her.

"Never pinned you as a fighter, Monroe," he appraised, raking her eyes over her disheveled frame.

"Me neither," she admitted, gingerly touching her cheek, where Tawni's fist had made contact once or twice. "Thanks," she semi-smiled, truly grateful for him at the moment.

"No problem. So if you don't mind my asking...what next? Don't you share this place with Chad?" Ryan inquired.

"Unfortunately, yes," Sonny groaned. She had already been running _what next?_ scenarios through her mind.

"Well, I have some room at my place if you ever need to crash," the rocker offered, handing her a card with his number on it and smirking as if he had just accomplished some great feat. Sonny took it, and upon seeing Chad coming towards her in her peripheral vision, wrapped her arms around Ryan, elevated herself onto her toes, and kissed him.

Chad was frozen to his spot as he watched Sonny lock lips with that pissy rocker dude. Seriously? Did she even know him? The kiss seemed to be heating up from what Chad could see.

After what was admittedly a _very_ pleasing kiss with Ryan, Sonny broke apart, placing her mouth next to his ear.

"Thanks for the offer, I'll keep that in mind," she whispered before stepping away and throwing back yet another shot. She smirked at the frozen Chad as she slammed the shotglass back onto the counter.

"Wait...where are you going tonight?" She heard Ryan call after her.

"Anywhere but here," she replied with a bitter chuckle.

She passed by her "best friend", who was too stunned to say anything. However, as she grabbed her coat and purse, she called to him over her shoulder before slamming the door shut.

"Happy fucking birthday, Cooper. Have a great life."

* * *

Uh-oh! Trouble! Please REVIEW and tell us what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Happy Sunday everyone! I just watched 'The Lion King' and I'm in the mood to post the 6****th**** chapter. I'm sure you'll all agree when I say that Kelsey's chapter was one of the best chapters in this whole story. How will I ever live up to it? I'm sure Kelsey will agree with me when I say that we are so grateful for the support. Reviews motivate us. Just a quick reminder: this story is rated 'T' and it is a little bumpy at some points. Please keep reading and reviewing.**

It had taken a week for Sonny to go back to the apartment she shared with Chad. She couldn't bear the thought of sleeping her bed for a very long time, and had crashed at Lucy's. Sonny was upset with him, but she didn't think she had the right to be. They weren't dating after Selena Gomez's visit. No one had admitted anything of significance, but the thought of him going to bed with Tawni and giving her everything he had made her feel sick to her stomach.

"I can't believe he did it," Lucy told her, but it was only to humour her. Lucy still couldn't believe Keisha's antics at the party and had found it hard returning to her job as a high school teacher. "I thought he hated Tawni, and for her to say it in front of everyone. Are you sure you don't want me to come back to the apartment with you?"

"I won't kill him, I promise," Sonny assured her, but it was difficult to joke about it. "I'll be okay; it just hit me hard, especially the fact that they did it in my bed. She can have him."

"Sonny, it's okay to admit that you're a little upset about it," she assured me, the guidance counsellor within her coming through. Sonny wanted to admit that she was upset, and that she was unable to stop the pulsing fury and devastation from pumping through her veins when she thought about it. She couldn't say anything though. She wasn't supposed to care, and soon she wouldn't.

"Please Lucy, we don't need to go there," she insisted, shaking her head persistently. "Frankly you're the one who got the shit end of the stick at the party." Sonny didn't want to admit that she felt unbelievably betrayed. She didn't want to admit that she had actually cried the moment she left the apartment. She hadn't known where to go. She couldn't go to Lucy's so soon after her friend's devastating humiliation, so she fled to the closest café. She needed a few minutes to gain her strength again, before she went to Lucy's and told her everything rationally. Sonny wouldn't dare publicise her pain.

"What about Ryan?" Lucy asked her, probably trying to make her friend feel a little better, but Sonny was numb towards everything. She hadn't thought of Ryan since their kiss. Not really. It was a damn good kiss, but when she sobered up in every sense of the word, she knew that he was a quick fix. "He's left a few messages here. What are you going to do about him?"

"Nothing," she shrugged her shoulders, because it was true. "He's Keisha's brother to begin with, and I don't know, he was just an escape."

"Are you sure?" Lucy asked, narrowing her eyes. "I wouldn't mind if you wanted to see him again. As long as he didn't mention his fuck- sister, then I think I'd be good."

"I don't want to see him again, so I will continue to ignore him until he gets the messages," Sonny replied through gritted teeth. She knew that Lucy was only trying to help her, but the fact that her whole body agonized over the mere thought of Chad and Tawni told her that she wasn't ready to move on. Lucy took notice of her tone and changed the subject.

"My students found my whole thing hilarious by the way," she rolled her eyes, handing Sonny a plate of pancakes. Wow, Nick really was a lucky guy to be dating her best friend after the incident. "The Principal actually called me in, and she was really freaking out about the relationship. I told her that it was Keisha, but she said it might affect my professionalism. So I really have to watch myself now."

"Don't worry, the kids will forget all about it when the next scandal comes along," Sonny assured her. She felt that she was to blame for it. Lucy would never listen, but if Sonny hadn't thrown the pointless party, then both of them might have been spared of the humiliation they had experienced. "Okay, I have to go. I need to visit my Mom today, and she's not great with the whole being late thing. I'll call you if I plan to stay over again."

Chad was home when she returned to their apartment. It looked normal again; she was glad that he had taken down the decorations. If she saw any of them again, then she would have to be reminded of what she was trying to block out. She wanted to cry for just a second, like she had been allowing herself to do for five minutes a day since she found out. But when he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, she quickly composed herself.

"I need to see my Mom today, so I came to grab a book for her," she told him bluntly, about to walk into her bedroom, but she heard him take a deep breath.

"Do you want me to come with you? She likes me, remember?" He asked, and Sonny wanted to punch him with all her might. How dare he even attempt to disguise the conflict between them? He was right when he said that their friendship might not be worth saving.

"Yeah, the problem is, I don't," she replied, nodding her head. "I want to go alone, because frankly, I actually feel a little sick being in the same room as you. I might jerk off in YOUR bed later if it's okay."

"Look, I'm sorry about all of it," Chad sighed, but it washed over her. It didn't mean anything to hear him apologize, because she had an awful feeling that he wasn't even sorry. "We didn't mean for any of it to happen. I was pissed with you, and I thought-"

"Let's do it on her bed?" Sonny snapped, shaking her head. "No, no, you thought; why don't I tell Sonny's mortal enemy that we fucked, and then she can also tell her that she was my first? That'll really show the bitch! Is that what you thought Chad? Is that what I deserved, huh?"

"Look, I know that it's bad," he insisted, sighing heavily, but he didn't look so remorseful. Sonny could barely stand to look at him when she knew what had happened. Was this how hard it was after a week? She still felt like he had lunged in there and torn her heart out. "I didn't think it would go that far. As far as I'm concerned, I don't want to see her again. But what do you care, right? You're screwing Ryan Wright!"

Sonny couldn't believe that he had even said that, but it was true. She had made out with Ryan, but she had only kissed him to make her forget everything that Tawni had confessed. She was disgusted that he was bringing it up after everything he had done to her. She knew that she had been a bitch about their now defunct relationship/friendship, but she was only trying to protect them. She had set out with the aim of no one being hurt, and now they were both standing at separate sides of the room, consumed by pain and hate.

"Who cares what I did?" She shrugged her shoulders, doing everything in her power not to burst into sobs. "I just can't believe – I know that we didn't even acknowledge the crush we had, but…why did you sleep with her so soon after Selena's visit? I just can't-"

"It was a mistake, okay?" He protested, trying to walk closer to her, but she edged away in defense. "I don't want to see Tawni again, and the only reason we did it was because I didn't want to like you. It was so long ago Sonny. Can't you forgive me."

"That makes me feel tons better," she scoffed, shaking her head. She looked at him, and their eyes locked for just a minute. He was still everything she wanted, even if she didn't want to admit it. She wanted to reach out and kiss him just once, just to show him that she cared. She wasn't going to care soon, if she had anything to do with it. Soon she would be over it. He didn't deserve her. They weren't meant to be, no matter how much her heart kept suggesting it. "But I can't – I can't be around you right now. I'm staying at Lucy's until further notice. Do what you want. I don't care anymore."

She left as soon as she could, and tried not to cry as she stepped into a cab. It wasn't going to be easy seeing her Mother today. It was a general rule that she had to pretend to be okay whenever she visited the woman, because she was so fragile. Her Mom wasn't in the best place, and her daughter's misfortunes would only make her feel worse about something she couldn't help.

Sonny's Mother had been admitted to a mental institution a few months before, after breaking free of her abusive relationship with the man that slept with hookers. It had taken a very long time, and Sonny's childhood memories were scarred by their fights, and what she had overheard. She didn't dare mention it to her Mom, because she didn't blame her. Instead, she learned from her, and that was why she wouldn't dare fall in love with anyone.

"Hello there Sonny," Mom's nurse, Annie smiled to her as she walked into the small room her Mother was living in. She was sitting there on the bed looking up at the new flat screen TV Sonny had bought for her the week before. "Connie, look who's come to see you?"

"Hi there Mom," Sonny smiled, like she was talking to a child. The first time she saw her Mom in the institution, she burst into tears seeing the state she was in. No one knew just how emotionally scarred she was, and sometimes Sonny would get herself into a real state just thinking about it. "How are you?"

"I'm good," she nodded her head softly. Her curly chocolate brown locks bobbed up and down past her shoulders as she moved her head. "What about you? What's going on in the real world? Why isn't Chad here today? You know I love him."

"Remember Connie, there's no need to bombard the girl with questions," Annie told her softly. It was moments like this Sonny found it difficult to watch; her Mother being lectured by another adult.

"It's fine," she insisted. "Everything's fine Mom. I threw Chad a birthday party last weekend and he loved it, we had such a great time. He's not here because he had to work. He has this strange idea that he could be a screenwriter, so he's asked me not to talk to him all day while he writes something. He's very sorry that he couldn't see you today."

It was amazing just how believable it all sounded. Just a couple of months ago, Sonny would have been able to use the exact same excuse. It wouldn't have to be a lie, because they would have still been friends, and she wouldn't have destroyed it in just one night.

"You want to tell her about the incident the other day?" Annie asked Connie, who shook her head fiercely, rocking back and forth. "Come on honey, it'll make you feel a lot better. I can tell it if you want me to." Connie nodded her head and looked away, her cheeks reddening.

"Is everything okay?" Sonny asked worriedly.

"Yeah, we're okay now," Annie insisted, smiling at Connie with encouragement. "Your Mom was watching an episode of Law and Order with another patient the other night. I've warned her about shows like that, but I wasn't there, and you happened to be in the episode."

"Oh yeah," she nodded. She had agreed to do the episode, because she wanted to branch out and explore what it was like to act in intense dramas. She had thoroughly enjoyed the experience, but she preferred her comedy show. She had been told that she acted wonderfully though, and she couldn't deny that she would try it again if she had to.

"Well you played the victim of a very horrible man, and your Mom got a little overwhelmed," Annie continued, and Sonny saw a tear fall from her Mom's cheeks. "She thought it was real for a little while and was a little upset, weren't you honey?"

"A little bit," she nodded. "I feel like an idiot about it. I just thought of…you know, and it really scared me thinking about you in that situation."

"But we had a laugh about it, didn't we?" Annie asked, nudging her Mother, who forced a smirk. "Your daughter is a smart young lady. There's no way she would ever get herself into that mess. You raised a champion when you had that girl."

"I promise that won't ever happen to me Mom," Sonny smiled, wrapping her arms around her. "I won't let it happen to me. No one is ever going to hurt us again, do you hear me?" She was ready to burst into tears, but she forced herself not to. She was going to keep that promise until the day she did. No one was ever going to hurt Sonny.

"You see? She's a smart one," Annie winked, and then she left the two of them alone for a little while, so that her Mother could say some things that she wouldn't say in front of the nurse. The conversation was forced a lot of the time, and Sonny had to limit the things she said about everything in her life. She couldn't know about her and Chad's one night stand or their fall out. Everything had to be light-hearted and optimistic, because her Mother was prone to throwing mental fits and refusing to return to an extent of normal for days.

"It scares me," Sonny told the nurse, just as she was ready to leave.

"I know it does," Annie nodded. "Your Mother has a lot of issues Sonny, I won't lie to you. She might not be the woman you remember for a while yet. The important thing is not to blame yourself."

"I just wish I had done more," she sighed, bowing her head in shame. "I knew it was happening, but I detached myself from it. I feel so selfish."

"You're doing the best you can sweetie," she said, putting her hand on Sonny's shoulder. It was a source of comfort she badly needed. "You are a wonderful person, and you don't have to think any other way. I am here for you if you need to talk. This isn't just difficult for Connie, and I know that."

Sonny nodded, and insisted that she was coping. If she went into therapy, then she would be forced to confront things that probably didn't need to be disturbed in the first place. Whenever she left the hospital, she always felt a sense of relief. It was like she had been carrying a huge weight, and she was able to be herself again. She'd normally have Chad to comfort her, but this time she was alone, with nothing but air next to her. She pretended not to care.

It was when Sonny was grabbing a cup of coffee from the nearest Starbucks that she ran into Keisha Wright, who was sitting alone at a table, looking like a vampire in the sunlight. It was an awkward moment, because Sonny was still absolutely furious about how Lucy had been treated that night. She didn't want to sit with her, and planned to walk right by, but then Keisha looked up.

"Sonny Munroe?" She asked curiously, forcing Sonny to turn around, and she smiled realizing that she had the person and the name correct. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she replied flatly.

"I really want to apologize for how I acted at your party," she told her, sounding like a child apologizing, although she did actually sound genuine. "I was wasted, but it's no excuse. Your friend didn't deserve to be talked to like that, and it must have made things very awkward."

"A little bit, yeah," Sonny replied, sounding a little more irritated. "Thanks for the apology; I'll pass it onto Lucy, who'll pass it onto Nick."

"I seriously don't know what came over me," she insisted, shaking her head. "It's when I'm sober that I think straight. It's just, I really loved him, and I thought I was over it. Have you ever thought that everything was okay with a guy, until you see him again?" Of course she had. In a few moments, she would have to repeat it all over again with Chad.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I've been there."

"I won't keep you, thanks for listening to me," she smiled genuinely. "I'm about to go and get absolutely wasted again. Interested? My brother told me about what happened after I left that night."

"I think I'm okay," she nodded her head. She didn't want to be friends with that girl. Despite how kind she was being now, the memory of Lucy's humiliated face kept her from crossing the boundary into friendship territory. "But you go have fun."

"I will," she winked, walking away.

Sonny realized almost immediately that she didn't want to go back to Lucy's. She wanted to go back to the apartment she and Chad shared. It hit her so suddenly; she didn't want to become Keisha. She didn't want to be the girl who made scenes like that at parties. She didn't want to be so in love with someone that she ruined their happiness. The thought of talking to Chad like that, even after everything made her shudder. She didn't want to hate him so much for moving on. Although she couldn't forget the agonizing reality of his relationship with Tawni, could they maybe – oh she didn't know! She didn't know what she wanted anymore. She wanted to see him again. She wanted to ask him so many questions, because maybe he would say something that would satisfy her. He didn't want to see Tawni again either, maybe they could talk. Maybe she could ask him why he was so mad at her. It didn't have to be over. They could talk, and if she still hated him, then she could just leave. It didn't have to be the end.

When she walked into the apartment, she called out Chad's name, but he was nowhere to be seen. She thought he was avoiding her, and she didn't blame him. She had behaved so bitterly before, and she had insisted that she didn't want to see him, but surely he would be curious as to why she was home. She walked into the kitchen.

There was a small note on the fridge when Sonny went to get a bottle of water:

"In case you come home tonight, I've gone to Tawni's. Don't wait up."

It was too late to talk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys, Kelsey here! Life's been a bit hectic, as usual, but here you go! I really hope you enjoy this :) And also, I'm leaving Friday for Disneyworld, so this will be my last chapter for about a week. But don't worry! Kristina's going to be putting her's up soon! Your reviews mean the world to us, so please take five seconds out of your day and let us know what you think!**

Sonny awoke to the sound of dishes being thrown into cupboards. Groggily, she pushed herself into a sitting position on the couch where she had taken up residence for the last month. Her head slowly turned to the right as her eyes squinted into the kitchen to see what was causing the racket. What the brunette could make out through the early-morning blur in her eyes was an annoyed Lucy unloading the dishwasher.

"Hey Luce," she mumbled in greeting as she ran her hands over her face.

"Hey," was the biting response she got from her friend.

Sonny quirked her eyebrow as she stood from the couch and padded into the kitchen. Lucy refused to look at her as she threw a coffee mug into the cupboard usually reserved for bowls and such.

"Everything alright?" Sonny asked, although she figured she already knew the response.

"Oh yeah! Everything's just peachy!" Lucy shouted sarcastically as she slammed cabinet doors and marched out of the kitchen. Sonny followed her.

"Are you sure, because it doesn't sound like everything's fine," Sonny insisted. Realization hit her. "Oh no, what happened with Nick?"

"Nothing happened with Nick!" Lucy snarled angrilly as she grabbed a magazine, turning on the actress. "Care to explain?" she asked, shoving the cover in Sonny's face. The brunette house guest swiped the magazine that was being shoved in her face and gasped at the large headline.

**Sonny Monroe BFFs With Hollywood's Bad Girl Keisha?**

Underneath the bolded lie was a picture of Keisha and Sonny talking together at the Starbucks where the former had apologized.

"Lucy, do you really think I'd betray you like that?" Sonny accused, her eyes turning upward and finding her friend. "After what she did to you, you think I'd just push it aside and decide to be friends with her?" Lucy shrugged.

"Well, in the article it said-"

"Lucy, you're going to believe an article?" Sonny shouted. "I'm glad you think so highly of me!"

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time you screwed over a best friend!"

Sonny stared at her best girl-friend, slack jawed and silent. Apparently, Lucy took this as a sign that she should continue.

"Seriously! I thought this was just going to be for a while, but you've completely shut Chad out of your life! Sonny, _he loves you_! And you're being a complete bitch to him! You guys were best friends before you had sex, and I honestly thought this would just blow over and you'd be friends again, but now I'm thinking he'd be an idiot if he took you back after how you've been acting!"

"How _I've_ been acting? What about him, Lucy? He's been sleeping around with Tawni! They had sex _in my bed_! How am _I_ the one in the wrong here?"

"Well, if you're as completely uninterested in him as you say you are, then you shouldn't care. Chad's had a lot of girlfriends in the past, and you never cared."

"That's because they weren't Tawni! You don't get it, Lucy, there's some kind of competition going on between the two of us. Ever since we were on _So Random!_" Something inside Sonny churned as she thought of her time at _So Random!_ and the betrayal of the blonde.

"Did it ever cross your mind that maybe they actually like each other? Maybe it's not some evil conspiracy to get you?" Lucy asked.

"You just said he loves me a minute ago, now you're contradicting yourself?" Sonny accused. Lucy threw her hands up in the air.

"No one can get through to you, Sonny! You're going to believe what you want to believe. Maybe if you stepped back and looked at the big picture, you'd find a way to fix your life."

"Oh, so now it's my life I've messed up?" Sonny asked, affronted.

"Sonny-"

"No. I get it," she said, grabbing her large suitcase and strolling into the bathroom. "I'll be out of here in an hour," she declared through the door.

.::.::.::.

Across town, Chad was stepping through the automatic doors of a quaint little mental facility. He walked up to the front desk and was greeted with warm smiles.

"Hello Mr. Cooper, haven't seen you in a while," a nurse greeted, walking out from around the desk.

"Hey Annie," Chad said in return, flashing a genuine smile at the nurse.

"Are you here to see Connie?" she asked, grabbing a clipboard off of the main desk before starting out of the lobby and towards Sonny's mother's room, already knowing the answer. As her heels clicked on the cream tile beneath her, she spoke over her shoulder. "How are things going, Mr. Cooper?" she asked curiously as they both turned a corner.

"It's been...uh...going good?" the blonde answered, unsure of how to answer. Honestly, his life was anything _but_ good. His friendship with Sonny was completely demolished. She wouldn't return any of his calls, which he hardly even attempted anymore. In the past month he had only seen her once when they had accidently and awkwardly run into each other at their apartment. He missed coming with Sonny to visit her mom, and now, as he entered Connie's room, a wave of nostalgia flooded over him.

"Connie, look who stopped by!" Annie announced as if to a child on Christmas. Sonny's mom looked to the door, a huge grin appearing on her face.

"Well if it isn't Chad Dylan Cooper!" Connie exclaimed from her position on the bed. "Long time, no see," she continued, gesturing to the chair next to her bed.

"Hey Miss Monroe," the blonde greeted, taking a seat.

"Where's Sonny?"

Chad's heart fell. He should have been expecting this question.

"She's at work," he lied smoothly. Connie chuckled.

"Do your schedules ever match up?" she asked.

"Sometimes. But I can assure you, whenever I'm home before she is, I always have something waiting for her to eat as soon as she walks through the door," Chad fabricated. Well, it wasn't really a fib. That's how life used to be. Before the sex.

"Good to hear, Chad," Connie replied honestly, smiling. Suddenly, her smile dropped as she looked him straight in the eyes. "Be good to her, Chad. You're the one who can hurt her the most, and I don't want my baby ending up like me."

Chad gulped as he hesitantly nodded.

"But enough about me, how's the writing coming?" Connie asked, reverting to her usual kind self. Chad looked at her quizzically.

"Writing?"

"Sonny said you've been trying your hand at screenwriting," Connie informed him.

"Oh yeah. I haven't worked on anything new in a few months, though," Chad shrugged.

"But...that's why Sonny said you couldn't visit me. She said you were working," the woman explained, her brows furrowing. Chad's eyes widened in panic.

"Oh, yeah...um...well-"

"Chad..." Annie cautioned.

"Chad, what's going on? Why haven't you been visiting?" Connie asked, looking upset. "Did I say something to you last time you came?"

"No! It's not that, I promise," Chad insisted, his eyes searching wildly around the room for some sort of help. "You see-"

"Chad Dylan Cooper, you tell me what's going on this instant," Sonny's mother demanded, taking on an authoritative tone that surprised both Annie and Chad.

Chad hestitated, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. He really did not want to be in this situation right now. He knew why Connie was in here, and he knew that Sonny didn't tell her what happened for a reason.

"If anything, you should hear it from Sonny..." he trailed off. Connie's eyes flashed.

"Why? What happened? What did you do to Sonny? What did you do to my baby?" she asked, panicked.

"Chad, it might be time to go," Annie advised. The blonde ignored her

"Nothing bad happened, Miss Monroe, I just feel-"

"Then why won't you tell me?" Connie wailed desolately.

"It's Sonny's choice to tell you or not, I'm in no position to say-"

"Well then call her and tell her to come down here and let me know what's going on before I go mad with worry!" Connie demanded. Chad looked down, ashamed, to which Connie yelled at him again. "Why aren't you calling her?"

"She won't answer if I did call..." he muttered, though, apparently, not low enough to escape Connie's hearing.

"Why won't she answer? What did you do to her? Did you hurt her? My baby! My Sonny! My baby! Sonny, Sonny, Sonny," Connie cried out as she began to rock back and forth on her bed.

"Chad, it's time to go," Annie told him, dragging him out by the arm. "Tell the front desk to call Sonny immediately," she instructed as she flew back inside Connie's room.

The blonde sprinted down the hallway to the front desk, only stopping when his midsection hit the wood.

"Get Sonny Monroe on the phone immediately, and tell her to come down here _now_, it's an emergency."

.::.::.::.

Sonny flew in the doors of the facility where her mom was residing. Her eyes frantically searched the room. They fell upon the figure of a blonde man, hunched over in a chair, head in his hands. As the doors closed, he looked up, his ashamed blue eyes meeting her wild brown ones. Sonny's face contorted from one of worry to one of rage as she stomped over to him.

"Don't you _dare_ leave, Chad Dylan," she hissed, pointing a finger at him dangerously. "I have to speak with you."

"Miss Monroe!" Annie called from the long hallway. Sonny's head snapped to the sound of her voice before looking back to Chad.

"Don't. Move." she instructed before darting out of the room down to where her mother was residing.

Chad slouched in his chair, nervously running his hands through his golden hair. _Shit_._ I come here to visit with Sonny's mom, the closest I can actually get to Sonny, and she I open my big mouth, and now neither of the Monroes are going to want to speak to me ever again. So much for making things better._

After what seemed like ages of wallowing in self-pity, Chad felt a sharp pain in the back of his head. He turned around, outraged, only to have his anger quickly transgress once again to guilt. There, standing behind him, purse dangling in her hand, was Sonny. The blonde scrambled to his feet as his old roommate briskly began her way to the front.

"Sonny, I'm _sorry_," he yelled after her, nearly lowering himself to the point of groveling. Nearly, but not quite. Sonny pushed the doors open and stepped out onto the sidewalk, Chad close behind. As she heard the doors to the clinic close, she turned on the actor, her eyes hard, shining with tears.

"I'm not doing this in public, Chad," she whispered dangerously before hailing a cab. The two stood there uncomfortably for a few minutes before a cab pulled up to the curb. Sonny flung open the door and slid inside, crossing her arms and staring out her window, while Chad gracefully lowered himself into the yellow car and directed the unfortunate driver to their apartment.

Minute after agonizing minute ticked by inside the cab, Chad occasionally sneaking fleeting glances at the other occupant of the back seat, who steadfastly glowered out of the window closest to her. The cabbie's eyes flickered from the road to the rearview mirror, glancing curiously at his two passengers. Chad let out an audible sigh of relief as the cab finally pulled up to their building.

"Pay him," Sonny ordered in a tight voice as she pushed open the door and escaped the confinements of the awful-smelling cab. Chad obligingly pulled out his wallet, muttering a hasty "Thanks, man" to the driver before bolting out of the vehicle to catch up with Sonny, who marched deliberately to the elevator without even checking to see if she was being followed. The two stood on opposite sides of the elevator, each trying to push away the haunting memories of what had happened that one night that had set off a chain of disastrous events. Once the doors opened, Chad unlocked the door, allowing Sonny to enter first.

"Okay. We've gong half an hour of not talking, can I just say again how sorry I am? Sonny, I didn't mean for this to happen!" Chad began, shutting his mouth when Sonny rounded on him, her eyes wide and tearful.

"Don't even _give _me that bullshit, Chad. You had no right in visiting her what-so-ever. None of this would have ever happened if you would have just respected the boundaries that I thought I had made _very_ clear."

"Boundaries? What boundaries? You've been avoiding me for months! I mean, I didn't get a letter, a call, a text, _anything_ to set any 'boundaries', and as for clarity...the only thing clear to me is that you honestly don't care about this friendship at all!"

"Chad, our friendship is fucked up! We couldn't save it if we tried! And stop trying to make this about us, Chad, this is about my mother! Do you know what your little slip-up did to her? Thanks to you, I had to tell her everything, and she is so disappointed, and that's not good for her, Chad! This whole time, I've been playing like everything was fine, and it was going so well, why did you have to go an fuck it up?" She cried, her stomach beginning to writhe in pain. "Now not only does she think I'm in jeopardy of becoming like her, she feels betrayed, Chad! I kept this from her for her own good, but she doesn't see it like that! She's freaking out over what other secrets I've not been telling her. This might cause her to have to stay in there longer than she already has to, which is a _really_ long time! I miss my mom, Chad, I miss the old her, I want her back, but I don't even know if that's a possibility anymore!" she yelled, collapsing onto the couch, pulling her knees to her chest to try and squeeze out the pain that was radiating from her stomach.

Chad took a few sweeping strides across the room and kneeled down in front of his weeping friend.

"Sonny, it will happen. Your mother will get out of there. She's a strong woman, beneath it all. All of this will pass. She's so proud of you Sonny, this worry, this fear she has will all pass in time. Deep down, she knows you're a fighter. She knows you won't end up like her. And Sonny," he said, grabbing her face and making her eyes meet his, "you're _never_ going to end up like your mother. You had to learn the hard way about the cruelty of love and relationships, but in the end, it's made you stronger, you know better. I promise you this."

Sonny's silent tears slowed as she looked into those pools of ocean blue in front of her, wanting to believe everything he was saying. Wanting to believe the sincerity in his voice.

She was brought to reality by the sensation of a knife scraping the inside lining of her abdomen. She let out an agonizing cry of pain as she scrunched herself together, praying for the pain to stop.

"Sonny?" Chad asked alarmed. He leaned forward, trying to envelope her into his arms, but she quickly pushed him away and stood up, shaking her head.

"Chad, I can't do this. You can't do this. You can't toy with my emotions like this. You're with Tawni, but you're acting like you're head over heels for me. _I can't deal with this_," she reiterated, grabbing her small purse and stumbling for the door.

"Sonny, wait!"

Without even so much as a backwards glance, Sonny threw open the door and made a clumsy dash for the elevator. She pressed the button and leaned against the wall, her legs feeling like Jell-O. Looking down, she saw, to her horror, a large red stain on her khaki pants. She quickly used her jacket to cover up the embarrassing incident as her mind began racing. She hadn't had a period in a few months, so maybe that was it? But on the other hand, this didn't feel like a normal period. Something was seriously wrong.

The elevator _DING!_ed and came to a halt, and Sonny ran to the shelter of the small room, bumping into someone in her haste.

"Sonny!" the man exclaimed, surprised.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah! I was just coming to see you, I haven't heard from you in a while, and I was thinking...Sonny?"

The brunette actress was now swaying from side to side, her vision spotty, her hearing impaired, her eyes wide. _Something is definitely wrong_, she thought frantically.

And that's when her world went black.

* * *

Dun Dun DUN! What do you think is happening? Click the the review button and let us know!


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Happy Friday everyone! :). I was going to originally wait a few days to post this, but then I saw the immense support we received for chapter 7 and I changed my mind. After this you guys may have to wait a little while for ch9, but it will totally be worth it. Now, I know myself and Kelsey have consistently warned you, but this story is 'un-disneyfied' for sure. I think this is one of the most hard-hitting chapters I have ever written, so be prepared (I say this, and I bet everyone's going to be disappointed reading it xD). Please read/review/subscribe/favourite, because it motivates us so much and we just love hearing what you guys think. Much love! :)**

When Sonny woke up, she couldn't move, and it scared her. She looked around her at the pristine white walls, and panicked as she smelled the distinct scent of disinfectant. Everything was blurry at first, and she struggled to think clearly, until she saw the unfamiliar older woman sitting by her side, and Ryan Wright watching her from an armchair in the corner of the room. His eyes were a little red and his shirt was stained with her blood. She immediately remembered what happened and tried to sit up straight. She could hardly move, her body felt so weak and she screamed at the sight of needles inside of her arm.

"What the hell? What happened to me? What's going on?" She cried nervously, a tear escaping from her cheek. "I was bleeding before! What happened? Someone please-"

"Miss Munroe, please, it's okay," the woman soothed. When Sonny looked around her, she realised that she was in the hospital. It was all so familiar. It was louder than her Mother's institution, but the atmosphere was the same; tense, worried and repressed. "You're okay?"

"Ryan?" Sonny looked at him for reassurance. He wasn't able to assure her though. Something in his eyes told her that there had been an incident while she was unconscious. Suddenly she felt nauseous, and her weak body immediately tensed, as if expecting the worst. "Will someone please tell me what happened to me?"

"Sonny, there's something I have to tell you," the nurse sighed, looking away for a few minutes. Sonny didn't want to think about what she was going to say next. She didn't want to hear that her health was in danger. She just couldn't be sick. Who would tend to her Mother if she was sick? How would she be able to make things right with Chad if she was sick? How would she make things right with everyone if she was sick? Sonny Munroe couldn't be sick, because the world would fall apart. She could barely relax without everything crumbling around her.

"What is it?" She asked, even though she dreaded it. She had to know.

"You were haemorrhaging because...Miss Munroe, I'm sorry, but you were pregnant," the nurse began densely, trying to be blunt. "We were unable to save the child. I'm so sorry. You miscarried."

After that, everything was a blur.

Sonny was pregnant? She had been with child? Why hadn't she realised this? Why hadn't the symptoms been so obvious? She hadn't had her period, but she was convinced that it was due to under-eating, and sure, she had been a little ill, but she didn't think that she was pregnant; she thought it had been stress. How could she have been so stupid? Her stupidity had cost her the life of a child! She had lost a child! She didn't even know the life she had destroyed with her own selfish actions.

She looked at Ryan, who had his eyes closed, as if the sight was too painful to witness. Sonny couldn't feel anything aside from the agonising indescribable pain arising from her gut. She had killed a baby. She had killed the baby that had to be Chad's. He was the only one she'd slept with. The nurse told her that the child was only a couple of months old, so it was his. Sonny had killed Chad's baby, just like she had killed their relationship. She had been so selfish, and trying to protect them, that she had killed his child.

"No," she whispered, her face in her hands. She didn't want to cry, but she felt the sobs flowing from her throat. "I didn't know! It's not fair! I would have taken care of it!"

"Sweetheart, you didn't know," the nurse said softly, patting her back. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault."

"I've been drinking, and I've not eaten much, and I've been stressed," she told the nurse desperately, her hands trembling. "I killed it! I fucking killed his child! I'm a killer!"

It was the truth, and it scared her to death. She was already a dreadful person; now what was she? Was she to expect an afterlife of fire and brimstone when she passed? Surely she would never be forgiven for what she had caused. She had been blessed with a baby to care for and to nurture with a guy who would love them both unconditionally, and she had destroyed it all.

"Chad would have loved it so much," she sobbed quietly, covering her mouth. "What am I going to tell him? He'll hate me until I die. He'll never speak to me again. I can't do it. I just can't – I don't want him to know, he can't ever know what happened. He'll hate me. I killed it."

"You didn't kill anyone," the nurse insisted, growing a little impatient. "We have Chad Dylan Cooper down as your emergency contact and he's outside, but-"

"Does he know?! Tell me he doesn't know!" Sonny cried, clutching both her hands. She couldn't imagine anything worse, and just picturing his devastation and hate made the nausea rise closer to her mouth. He couldn't know. He couldn't hate her. She didn't want him to hate her. She didn't want him to be in the pain she was in. The agony of what she had done was a pain that she couldn't get rid of, and she was well aware that it wasn't something she could wash away with a few painkillers.

"He doesn't know," the nurse told her, and she sighed in relief. "He's been dying to see you for a while now. Shall I send him in? You can tell him yourself." Ryan left the room to tell Chad, and Sonny felt her heartbeat increase, realising the horrible burden left to her. She would never tell, but what would she say? She had to have a reason for being in the hospital. She wished to God that she had another reason for being there. She was unaware of the pain and shock of the reason she was there. She didn't wish it on anyone.

The nurse walked out of the room just as Chad ran in. He looked frantic, and his big blue eyes were so wide. It reminded her of the way he looked when she told him her anguish because of James. He rushed to her side and immediately took her hand, the warmth of his hand sending shivers down her spine. Sonny had never felt so painfully guilty in all of her life. Her heart was thumping, and the pain was radiating from her gut, causing her brain to forget to function properly. His blonde hair was messed, and she longed to touch it, but she didn't want to touch him. She didn't want to hurt him. She had killed someone, her body was toxic.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" He asked her desperately, his voice shaking. "They wouldn't tell me anything when I got here. I was at work when the hospital called and told me you had passed out? Why did you pass out? I thought it might have been because of our fight. I didn't mean it Sonny. I didn't mean to get mad at you, or tell your Mom anything. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me. Please, I don't think I could live with you being mad. The call only made me think of what a jerk I've been. You're my best friend and I never want to hurt you again. I want it to be okay again, it will be, right?"

Sonny was in so much pain listening to him. He wasn't the one who should have been apologising. He would never have to apologise to her again. What she had done to him was the worst thing a person could do. If he knew, it would be like she was ripping his heart out. She should have been the one begging him for forgiveness. It disgusted her how little he knew. How could he look her in the eye after everything she'd done? How could she even manage to grasp his hand? She had no right touching him. She had killed their baby. She was a monster. She didn't deserve to be treated like a human being. She deserved to be in pain, other than the kind her body was forcing upon her. It was the least she deserved.

"I fell down the stairs," she lied. It was so simple. She hadn't expected it to be so simple, but it could have easily been the truth. She wished to God it was the truth. She would have given anything for it to be the truth. Chad looked at her with such sympathy, when he should have been glaring at her with intense hate. "It wasn't your fault. I just lost my balance. I'm so sorry I worried you. I'm sorry for everything."

She knew she couldn't say exactly what she was sorry for, but she felt like she was apologising in a discreet manner. It didn't feel like enough though. Nothing felt like enough. If he killed her, then it would feel like enough. Sonny just couldn't stop picturing the baby they could have had. It only made her feel more disgusted, but she could imagine it having Chad's golden hair and his beautiful blue eyes. It might have had her skin tone, and maybe her lips, but it would have been as beautiful as him. Now they would never know.

"Hey, it's going to be okay," he insisted, stroking her forehead. His touch made her heart thump again, but it had no right. They could never be together. She had ruined everything. She couldn't live with herself pretending that she was his perfect girl, when she was guilty of killing the baby. She could barely stand to be his friend, but it was the only way that he would never know. The guilt would kill her everyday, but she was prepared for it. She had to be prepared for it.

"I don't like it when we fight," she whispered weakly to him, feeling an urge to hold him tight and tell him everything that was wrong. His arms felt so safe, but they wouldn't when he would want to kill her. "I want us to be friends again or at least talk about it. Do you think that's possible?"

"You're coming home today and we're going to be fine," he insisted, nodding his head. "I know that we're going to have to work at this, but we can do it. We won't see anyone else for days. We can reconnect Sonny. It can be like the past couple of months were just a tiny blip. We don't have to be destroyed."

"Really?" She asked him hopefully, but he didn't know the full extent of her anguish, so of course it wasn't going to work out like she wanted it.

"We're going to be okay."

Sonny knew it was all a lie. But she had to believe it. If she didn't, it would destroy them.

****

Sonny woke up early like she had been doing everyday since she lost her baby. She and Chad had returned home a month earlier, and she was still in agonising pain. The guilt subsided every single day, and she was unable to think or do anything without the constant memory floating in her head. Chad was the best friend she always had, but she felt so disgusted whenever she allowed him to be so sweet. She could barely look at him sometimes.

She walked downstairs into the kitchen, to try and wash some of the pain away with a glass of water, but it would never work. Sometimes she took questionable painkillers to try and ease it, but they never did. They numbed her for about five minutes, and she came to crave those five minutes of bliss. The world was fine again, and she was able to close her eyes and not see the flickers of blood and the fantasy child flash across her eyelids. She drank too, but it didn't do anything. It eased the pain a little, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. Sometimes she would sit and stare at the wall, tears running down her cheeks.

Chad was sitting on the couch when Sonny sat beside him. He didn't say anything like he normally would, and instead had a small tear dripping down from his cheeks. She looked at him, confused for a second. He stared into space, as if unaware of her presence. He sighed, and shook his head, a tear dripping onto his arm. Sonny tried to take his hand, but he pulled it away.

"You killed it," he whispered, saying the three words that chilled her to her very core. Her eyes widened in horror, as both their eyes met. He glared at her with intense hate and fury, clenched his fists and began taking deep breaths. "You killed our child."

"I didn't mean it," she sobbed quietly, a tear falling down her cheeks. Chad didn't care though. He looked devastated, and the pain in his face only made Sonny wince. It was all her fault. He was in pain because of her. It was her. She was disgusting. She didn't deserve to live. "I didn't know."

"You killed it! You're so selfish!" He hissed, filled with so much hate. It was everything she had confirmed earlier, but it felt so much more stinging coming from someone else's mouth. "You are disgusting! It didn't even get a chance Sonny! How could you?"

"I know!" She protested, sobs escaping from her throat. "I hate myself, but I didn't know. I don't know what to do. It's my fault Chad! It's all my fault!"

"You're a selfish bitch! You don't deserve to be here! You don't deserve this fucking apartment or any of my fucking sympathy! You're disgusting! I can't even look at you without feeling sick!" He yelled, looking at her with such disgust and hate. "I don't know how I could ever have loved you! You're scum and I hate you!"

"I'm sorry!" Sonny screamed, sitting upright in her bed. She looked around frantically, her heart racing. And then she realised it had all been a dream. She'd been dreaming it every single night since she and Chad had gotten home. It terrified her, because it was all so likely to happen. Ryan was sworn to secrecy and the doctors and nurses couldn't tell Chad what had happened, but it could all fall apart.

"Are you okay?" Chad asked her, breathless. It was the same every morning; he ran into her room after hearing her screaming. She couldn't bear watching him be so kind, and she was so tempted to say something just so she could be left to wallow in guilt, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't repeat the dream; it killed her watching him in so much pain because of what she'd done.

"I was just dreaming," she sighed. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"It's not just the dreams," he sighed, sitting down next to her on the bed, his golden hair shining as the morning sun reflected on it. "I'm worried about you."

"Don't be," she shrugged her shoulders, their eyes almost meeting. When she looked at him, her gut felt like someone had poured acid into it. She couldn't look at him. Ever. She also didn't want him to worry, because it only made her feel worse. "I'm just in a weird place right now."

"Yeah, and you never tell me about it," he shook his head. "I don't get it; I thought you were okay with me now. I thought that we were okay. Why are you still mad at me?"

"I'm not mad-"

"Is it Tawni? Because I don't need to see her anymore. In fact, it's over," he decided, and it only made her feel more nauseous. She couldn't stand it. She wanted to tell him the truth. She wanted to tell him why she felt so wretched. But she couldn't.

"No, I want you to keep seeing her," Sonny insisted, putting her arm around him, even though his skin felt like touching a tray fresh out of the oven. It was agonising being so close to him when she knew the one thing he had every right to share with her. "I'm not mad at you. You should be mad at me. I was such a bitch to you and you're still talking to me. I just…I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am."

It was all she could say, but it never felt like enough. She wanted to grab him and say it over and over again, but she couldn't. All she could do was suffer in silence. It was tearing her apart; she knew that the truth was slowly taking her sanity, but she'd rather lose her mind, than lose everything close to her. Chad didn't say anything, and only held her close. It hurt, but it comforted her, she could forget who she was for just one minute.

****

Sonny panicked when she walked into the living room the next week to find Chad, his Mother, and his one year old niece, Julia, sitting in the living room. It was a sight that brought misery to Sonny.

"I didn't know your Mom was coming over," she smiled casually, trying to avoid the little girl, who had recently learned to walk and was flaunting it all over the floor. She was a beautiful girl with golden hair like Chad; she looked like she could be his daughter. "It's nice to see you again Clara."

"You too dear," his Mom smiled, taking her hand, forcing Sonny to sit next to her. She didn't want to. She hadn't been near a child since the accident, and just watching the little girl created scenarios that Sonny would have much rather blocked from memory. She could have had a baby running all over the place if she had been more careful. Maybe Chad would have looked at their child the way he was looking at Julia. "What do you think of little Jules? I swear she's becoming more like her Mom everyday."

"No, I think you'll find she's inherited my looks," Chad joked. All of the Coopers were beautiful, and Chad's sister Brittany had just brought another angel into the world. Chad could have. He could have been bragging about his own baby had she been more considerate of her body. There wouldn't be another Cooper for a while, not if she had anything to do with it. "I swear Mom; you've got to put this one into a modelling agency, or acting school."

"It's Brit's call," his Mom insisted, shaking her head at Sonny, who had to force a smirk. She almost had a stroke when the little girl took her hand. It felt ice cold, and for just one second, she thought that she was feeling the dead fingers of her own baby. When she looked up, the little girl's blue eyes were burning into her, as if she knew. Sonny was terrified. She couldn't believe it, but she didn't want to be around the girl, it made her feel sick, and it only reminded her of everything she was hiding. It only made her remember that she had lost her chance to have something brighten up her life. She wasn't meant to be a Mother. She really was useless. She was a bitch; she was so terrible. She deserved everything wrong in her life.

"I can't do this," Sonny shook her head, immediately walking out of the living room, and into her own bedroom, where she closed the door and tried not to burst into tears. She looked in the mirror, and at the small chunk of glass nestling underneath the wristband she wore. It had been something to distract her, and she was tempted to pick it up again, but Clara walked into the bedroom before she could.

"Chad told me that you've been acting funny," she sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed. "And honey, you look like shit. Do you want to tell me what's going on here?"

"I'm fine," she insisted, but it was increasingly difficult not to cry when she was looking at herself in the mirror, facing her own worst enemy.

"Like hell you are," she scoffed, lighting up a cigarette. "I wouldn't tell him, you know. I'm worried kid, you ran away from a toddler. That's not fine, that's worrying. Please honey, I want to help you."

"No one can help me," she shook her head. "He would hate me so much. I hate me so much. I want to break this mirror. I'm so angry. I'm so hurt. I'm so confused. I feel so guilty. I feel disgusting. I feel like scum. I feel all of it every single day, and I can't tell anyone. They would all judge me."

"Sonny, what's happened?" She asked desperately, putting her arm around her. Her touch didn't feel any better than Chad's and Sonny had to fight the urge to push her away. "You can tell me."

She wanted to tell the woman. She wanted someone to release her from the misery that she was feeling every single day. It would be the best feeling in the world to tell just one person what happened, instead of allowing it to eat her up inside every single day. Clara would hate her, and no doubt she would be banished from Chad's life, but for just one minute, the thought was so deliciously appealing that Sonny considered it.

"I kill-"

"Is everything okay in here?" Chad asked. Sonny took it as a sign. The thought of being forced to bear what she knew was almost as painful as the agony she endured every single day, but apparently that was what the heavens expected from her. She was the only one who could live with it.

"We're fine," Sonny insisted, and she would say it everyday until they all believed her.

****

"I can't do it," Sonny told Ryan Wright. She hadn't meant to visit him, but she had passed his apartment, and he was the only human being that knew her big secret. He answered the door topless, half his face covered in stubble, and his naked torso covered in tattoos. He sighed.

"I was going to come see you," he told her softly, inviting her in. He cleared his sofa and allowed her to sit down, where she sobbed for the first time in days. "I need to talk to you."

"I can't keep living a lie," she sobbed, clinging onto him. She hadn't been comforted for her loss yet, and just a glimpse of it made her an emotional leech. She couldn't let go, the feelings were pouring out of her, and they just wouldn't stop. "I can't even look at him."

"Baby, you need to get out of there," he told her solemnly, kissing her forehead. It sounded so tempting, and she longed for the day when she would no longer have to smile like she meant it. "You can't be around him, it'll only make you feel worse, and he'll eventually figure it out."

"Why do you say that?" She asked him suspiciously, sitting up straight. "He doesn't ever have to know. We can just pretend that it's fine. I just need a little time to accept what happened."

"You're a fucking mess Munroe!" Ryan snapped, shaking his head with disbelief. "I can see the scars on your arm and the bags under your eyes! You're falling apart! Maybe I should tell Chad about the miscarriage! Maybe it wouldn't tear you up so much! In fact, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to fucking tell him! I can't take this! I can't take looking at you like this!"

"NO!" She screamed, grabbing his shoulders, tears streaming down her cheeks. She felt so weak, like she had been shot in the stomach, but it was a reoccurring feeling. "Please don't tell him! I will do anything if you don't tell him! He can't ever know! He's amazing, I don't want him to become like me. I don't want it to tear him apart the way it's tearing me apart."

"Anything?" He asked her.

"Anything."

"I want you to come and stay with me Sonny," he told her. "I can make it all go away, much better than he can. You won't have to feel miserable every single day. I'm going to make it alright."

"You will?"

"I promise I will."

And that was the day Sonny Munroe gave up. On everything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Hi everyone, I want to apologize so much for the long wait. I know it's been a long time and if you're reading this now you have much much love from me. Myself and Kelsey have been very busy bees with school work and generally being teenagers. She's got a lot going on, so I have decided to take on chapters 9 and 10. I've been revising for about 2hrs, so this is my reward to myself, and you guys. Kelsey will definitely be back soon to update you all with her literary genius writing skills. Okay, I'm going to warn everyone again that the characters have been separated from everything Disney and the rating is for a reason. Enjoy!**

Sonny Munroe woke up and was immediately blinded by the sunlight. What time was it? She saw the small furry clock she normally would check smashed on the floor, lying on top of it was a used piece of protection used the night before. She looked beside her to see a young man lying naked beside her, his arm draped over the side of the bed, and his face buried in the pillow. It was weird; she couldn't even remember meeting the man, let alone going home with him. She tossed a stray part of her greasy brown hair behind her ear and examined her own naked body.

She was truly despicable; she could see her bones and various bruises all over herself. She stepped out of bed quietly and examined herself in the full length mirror hanging on the door of her room. She wasn't even recognizable. Her eyes had bags under them; her lips were still bright red, with tracks of lipstick running past her cheek onto her neck. The man the night before had obviously been very passionate with her, as her neck showed signs of his lips. She tried not to burst into sobs when she came down to her stomach. She took a deep breath and ran her nail across the scar fading away. It was the only trace of evidence that she had ever been to the hospital. Sonny refused to think about it in too much detail; she feared that doing so would lead her to suicide. It always brought a tear to her eye when she realised the consequences of her actions. The only way she could cope with knowing what she had done was to numb it all, and the only way to numb it all was through drink and various other forms of toxins.

Chad Dylan Cooper seemed only a memory. She had blocked him out too. Knowing him would only make her feel the intense guilt that threatened to ruin her life. Her Mother seemed something of a memory too; she couldn't see the woman without feeling ashamed of herself. Did they think she was proud? Did they think that she wouldn't change anything given the chance? Apparently so, so the solution was to pretend they never existed.

"Baby, I didn't even know you were awake," the man yawned, sitting upright on the bed. Sonny turned and immediately forced herself to put on a t-shirt lying on the floor. She didn't want him to ask about her scar; she didn't even want to remember that scar existed.

"I had fun last night," she told him, forcing herself to kiss him softly. His breath stank of alcohol and weed. She would have acknowledged him by name, but honestly, she couldn't remember him at all. She must have been so wasted last night.

"Me too, Ryan told me you were wild, but I really had no idea," he mused, winking at her. Ryan said a lot of things about her. Their relationship was basically founded on drugs and polygamy. She was only with him officially to pretend to everyone that used to know her, that she was fine. She was coping. She wasn't going around sleeping with everything in sight, no; she had one man to love her. Truthfully, Ryan barely acknowledged her existence without another girl draped around him. They only pretended to keep the media away.

"Yeah, so, I'll call you?" She asked him, plastering a fake smile on her face. He was one of the uglier guys that she couldn't remember being with. He must have been quite charismatic the night before, because it certainly wasn't his looks that made her take him home.

"Sure," he shrugged, shoving on his clothes. They were both well aware that they would probably never see each other again. That was how it worked with everyone. They were all like ghosts wandering endlessly, feeling grasps of emotion sporadically. He waved to her before exiting her room.

Ryan was sleeping on the couch with two girls lying on the floor. He only woke up when Sonny's date closed the door behind him and the two girls left as soon as they possibly could. Sonny thought she recognized them from the adult magazines Ryan would read, but she couldn't be sure. They were blonde with big boobs, which was all they had to be if they wanted to end up with Ryan. He took out a cigarette and wiped his eyes, the evidence of their behaviour lying on a small tray in little lines, little lines that Ryan took within seconds.

"I love Hollywood," he sniggered, as Sonny sat down next to him, looking for objects to remind her of what had happened the night before. Nothing seemed to make her recall anything, so she would have to put the night down as forgotten, like many of the nights she had experienced lately.

"I can't remember a thing," she giggled. It was difficult, but Sonny had enabled herself to act around Ryan as well. She pretended that she was so happy and that she wasn't ashamed of herself at all: she figured that if she kept up the act long enough, it would soon become real. "I'm guessing you had a lot of fun."

"One is definitely the loneliest number," he winked, opening up a magazine to focus his eyes again. "What about you? Who the hell was that porn king reject who just left?"

"I don't even know," she shrugged. "But apparently you told him I was wild."

"Clearly I gave him my seal of approval," he laughed, passing the magazine to Sonny, letting himself get higher. Truthfully, Ryan would give anyone his seal of approval when the night was at its height.

She flicked through the magazine carelessly. It was something she could do to pass the time she guessed. Nothing stood out, until she came face to face with a photograph of Chad Dylan Cooper. It was an interview with him before he started working on his new sitcom about an actor and his cast and crew mates on the set of one of America's leading drama series'. She didn't even know he got a new job, but apparently he was starring in this and writing a lot of it. It was exactly what he wanted. And she wasn't even there to congratulate him. She placed her hand over his face, and couldn't stop her eyes from welling up with tears. She missed him so much. The mere thought of him triggered an intense emotion she couldn't understand. It made her want to scream, cry and break things, realizing that they could never speak again. Thinking of him with Tawni only intensified it, especially when she thought of how they had been intimate together first.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asked her, taking her hand away from Chad's face. "What have I told you?"

"We couldn't even talk for a little while?" She asked him hopefully, like she would ask her Mother a request when she was a child. "I feel like I owe him an explanation."

"What are you going to tell him?" He asked her, shaking his head. "Sonny, you killed his child. There's nothing to say to him. He would never forgive you. It's not fair to talk to him when you know something like that. You might as well just cut and run."

"But-"

"No 'buts', I don't think you should be talking to the guy," he told her, sounding annoyed again. She tried not to burst into tears, and when he saw how still she became, he put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. "I know it doesn't seem fair, but I'm doing what's best for you. Those people only make you sad, and you don't want to be reminded of what you did, do you?"

"No."

And that was it settled.

With Ryan came his little sister Keisha. Sonny wanted to talk to her sometimes, just to have someone to confide in, but like her brother, she didn't believe in much except playing songs just good enough for airplay and numbing everything. It was like she was trapped in a parallel universe. There was no one to talk to. She felt completely alone in a room surrounded by others who didn't feel the painful emptiness she blocked out every night.

"I totally want to have a baby," Keisha said one day, flicking through a magazine whilst smoking something that wasn't a simple tobacco cigarette. "In the movies everyone sorts themselves out when they have a baby."

"Well look at it this way; you're certainly practicing now, aren't you?" Ryan sniggered, prompting Keisha to slap him over the back of the head. Sonny tried not to look them in the eye. Keisha didn't know, but she still couldn't help but clutch her stomach, as if there was some visible trace of what a monster she was.

"Come on Sonny, don't you want a baby?" Keisha asked her. It was a perfectly innocent question, and Sonny should have been able to answer it with ease, but she found herself feeling very sick. She had been given every chance to have a baby, but she had destroyed it.

"I did," she replied, but she didn't realise that she was speaking out loud. She felt a tear run down her cheek, and watched Keisha look at her worriedly, putting her hands on her shoulder. "I'm fine. I don't know what I was saying. Of course I don't want a baby."

"You alright there, kitten?" She asked her, Keisha's pet name for everyone when they were feeling particularly stressed or worried. Of course she wasn't okay, and she longed to tell someone why. Sometimes the temptation was so bad, like now. She figured that if someone else knew, they could talk to her about it. They could talk about it, and maybe, just maybe, Sonny could learn to forgive herself. It was such a selfish request, but she really couldn't imagine living the rest of her life feeling this way.

"She's fine," Ryan replied, just as Sonny was opening her mouth. And then she was forced back to reality. If she told, Keisha would think she was a monster. She was a monster! How could she even think that someone else would sympathize with her? "Aren't you?"

"Absolutely," Sonny replied, smiling as authentically as she could manage. "Let's go out and party."

It was her answer to everything: to drown her sorrows in expensive wine and drugs. She didn't even know the people she sat next to, but they were willing not to ask her everything she was forbidden to tell them, so they would do.

What she wasn't expecting was for Lucy and Nick to be in the same club. They hadn't spoken in almost a year. Lucy had attempted to regain her friendship, but Sonny had ignored her calls before she had fallen off the sane side of the earth. She would have loved nothing more than to speak to Lucy, but when Ryan had called her with abusive messages on Sonny's 'behalf', she guessed that things could never be the same again. They didn't see her at first; Lucy was clinging onto Nick, kissing him softly, and speaking to a crowd of people Sonny had never seen before.

"Oh shit," she gasped, hiding behind Keisha immediately. Keisha looked over, and the look of jealousy and devastation washed over her face. No matter how many hours she spent entertaining other men, they would never be Nick. Sonny, even though she was clouded by her own insecurities, and self loathing, wanted to reach out to Keisha, but she wouldn't talk about it. She seemed content to talk about everything that actually didn't mean a thing to her.

"That bitch says anything to you, I swear to God, I'll fucking floor her," she insisted, but truthfully she probably didn't even give a damn about Sonny's problems. The girl was proving to be the only thing standing in the way of her and Nick's reconciliation. Keisha lived in the world of denial, exactly the place Sonny had fallen into.

"She won't," Sonny insisted, clasping Ryan's hand. He looked at her, and then he looked over at Nick and Lucy and clutched it tightly. He wasn't being supportive; he was just ensuring that she stayed close to his side. Sonny looked around to see if any other ghosts of her past walked among them, but it seemed to only be Lucy.

She was in the girl's bathroom when Lucy entered at the same time. She was attempting not to cry while applying some eyeliner. She wiped her nose of the evidence that she had been 'riding the blizzard'. She hoped that Lucy wouldn't see her, but of course she did.

"I don't even know what to say to you," she said, crossing her arms. "But I feel like I need to."

"Don't bother," she replied, trying to leave, but Lucy followed her all the way outside, where she pulled out a cigarette in other to cope with the confrontation.

"I know I was a real bitch to you when I kicked you out!" She snapped, "But to have your boyfriend call me and threaten to kill me was a little excessive, don't you think?"

"What do you want me to say?" She asked. Sonny knew exactly what she should say, but if she said it, it would mean making amends, and talking about the thing that couldn't be talked about.

"I expect an apology at least!" She yelled, shaking her head. "Are you telling me you agree with what he did? I know you're practically coked out of your mind right now, but even Lindsay Lohan could tell me that one."

"You know what? You deserved some kind of shit to bring you off of that high horse you're sitting on!" Sonny cried, unable to believe she would stoop to that level. She knew exactly what problems she had, but she didn't need her friend to remind her of it. She didn't need anyone to remind her of it. Lucy just looked at her, and Sonny could have sworn she seen her eyes glimmering with tears.

"I'm not sitting on my high horse!" She gasped. "Look, I know you're perfectly willing to deny that there's a problem here, but there is! What he did was wrong! Chad wouldn't do anything like that and you know it!" The mere mention of Chad brought out the worst in her. Sonny hated hearing his name, because it forced out a whole flurry of emotions she didn't even know existed.

"I should have told you everything he said!" She hissed. "Because Lucy, you don't even exist to me now!" She could have sworn that she saw Lucy's eyes glimmering with tears at that moment.

"You don't even know the difference between right and wrong anymore," she said, stepping away. "That is so sad. If you see my friend Sonny, could you please ask her to call me?"

As Lucy walked away, Sonny knew that she had gone too far. She wanted to run after her so badly and tell her what was wrong, but before she could move, Ryan was standing behind her with his arms crossed and an angry expression on his face. He shook his head and clenched his fists.

"I told you to cut yourself off," he said softly, but it was intimidating, and Sonny felt her heart thumping against her chest. She couldn't argue with him.

"She talked to me," she insisted, but he would never allow it.

"It's like you're criticizing me!" He snapped. "I know what's best for you! You think that I'm totally fucking insane, but I'm not!"

"Can we not do this here?" She asked, but it was empty around them. All that surrounded them were bushes and blinding streetlights.

"You killed Chad Dylan Cooper's baby! You allowed yourself to have a miscarriage because you weren't careful!" He bellowed, grabbing her arm. "Do you think people are going to understand that? Do you think that people are going to forgive you for that?"

"But I miss them!" She protested, her eyes filling up with tears. "I don't expect anyone to forgive me, but I just want to talk to them and tell them it's not their fault! She could've told Chad, and then I wouldn't feel so bad because it wouldn't be a secret!"

"No one would ever forgive you!" He snapped. "Look, come on! Let's go home and get high? They're not your friends anymore, so stop worrying about them. You can't trust anyone except me, but you know that, right?"

"Yeah," she nodded. He was right. Ryan was always right; no one else would understand it. She was surprised that he continued talking to her. She didn't want to lose the only ally she had left. She would rather be in this world, than the world where everyone hated her. She would rather block it out than face it every single day. Ryan hailed a cab and then they went home.

It was at that moment when Keisha stepped out from behind a bush. She had been trying to call Nick, because she didn't want to speak to him when he was with Lucy.

"Oh God," she gasped, unable to believe what she had just heard. She immediately got out her phone and began dialing the only person she could think of.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Happy Friday! Hope you guys enjoy it. I love all the support and it makes me want to write more and more, but please please please review. It motivates me, and Kelsey when we're going through the writer's block. Much love to you all! :)  
**

Chad Dylan Cooper wasn't an impatient guy. Sure, he lost his temper a few times when incompetent pizza delivery boys couldn't count the change properly, or when his Mother proceeded to bore him with details about his brother-in-law's accounting firm. Normally Chad Dylan Cooper was a patient guy, but recently, he seemed to have turned into the person he never wanted to be. He lost his temper more than once at innocent bystanders and once he punched his bedroom wall when he read Sonny's goodbye note.

"Sonny Munroe doesn't live here anymore," he told the man on the phone. It was Mark, her agent, who had called countless times in the past few weeks regarding the status of her career. "She hasn't been home in months, and she's not talking to me right now. I don't know what else to say."

"The show gave her a break months ago when she said she was suffering from stress and exhaustion," he sighed, "But now these photos of her out getting wasted and high with Keisha are going to get her fired!"

"She doesn't give a shit Mark," Chad shrugged his shoulders, picking up a magazine with one of the photos in question. Sonny looked dangerously thin and pale, with unfortunate looking scars on her arm. She looked a shadow of the woman she once was. She looked exhausted and stressed behind her carefree smile. "And frankly, neither do I. She can do whatever she wants."

"You don't mean that Cooper," Mark said, as if he knew him so well. It made Chad fume further. Mark wasn't the only one; everyone seemed to think that he still cared for Sonny Munroe, even his own Mother. "Okay, well if she calls or you talk; will you please ask her to give me a call?"

"And when the four horsemen of the apocalypse call you, will you please tell them that I'd love to have a place on their squad?" He replied sarcastically, hanging up the phone.

He threw the magazine onto the glass coffee table and leaned back, trying not to think of her, because whenever he did, he almost suffocated with the rage he felt. She wasn't worth it, and he certainly wasn't going to choke for her affections. She left when he had been out working and he still didn't know why. She moved in with Ryan Wright and refused to speak to him on the phone, online, or in person. He still didn't understand it, and it confused him. He would stay up late most nights trying to figure out why his best friend treated him like this, but he soon made himself stop. He soon blocked it all out.

"Was that another Sonny call?" Tawni asked, walking out of the bathroom, strands of her platinum blonde hair hanging from the towel she had the rest of her hair wrapped up in. Chad didn't reply; instead he kissed his girlfriend and tried to remember the reason they were still together.

"Who gives a shit?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm so glad you adopted my attitude towards the whole thing," she smiled, kissing him passionately, her tanned hands holding both his cheeks. Her breath always tasted minty fresh, and her hands were always so soft. She was truly beautiful and he was sure that she adored him. "Chad, I'm the star. She wasn't meant for you; I think US Weekly have decided the best celebrity couple."

The magazines had warmed excitedly to the idea of Chad and Tawni dating, because, and even he accepted it, it was the relationship that every tabloid yearned for: the loudmouth blonde and her dreamy stud. What children would they produce? They would have such a lavish wedding and the perfect WASP existence that most of America wanted. Tawni also didn't believe in privacy, which was an added bonus.

"Yeah," he smiled, as they both sat down on the sofa. Chad looked towards his laptop, sitting open at a word document he was desperate to use. Ever since Sonny had fabricated his career as a screenwriter, he thought about the job everyday. His Mother always told him that he could write and he was beginning to believe it, now if only he could think of an idea. "Hey babe, remember I told you –"

"Oh my God! Look at me here!" Tawni gushed, looking at a photograph of herself endorsing some new shampoo product. She looked beautiful, but that was really only because she had been wearing glossy extensions and layers of expensive make-up the common woman or man could never afford. "Wow, now people know what seeing a real live angel looks like. Just think baby, I am all yours."

"Awesome," he replied, putting his arm around her. She nestled into his arms for just a minute, and then she sat up straight, looking confused.

"Oh my God I don't have make-up on! You know I like to look amazing, even when it is just us two!" She exclaimed, looking into the mirror, horrified with her appearance. "I mean I do look like a goddess without make-up I guess, but you know how I feel Chad!"

"I'm going out," he smiled calmly, rolling his eyes as he walked out the door. He had no idea where he was going; he just needed to leave that apartment. When Tawni looked into the mirror, he swore he saw Sonny smiling back at him, her face bare and her lips still red. She didn't care how she looked in the mornings and would come into the living room and sit next to Chad with ease, pointing out the tiny blemishes she wasn't ashamed of. That was a real woman. It was just a shame she was no longer with him.

He walked with oversized shades on and signed autographs for the handful of people that recognized him. He didn't really want to be seen by anyone, except maybe…her. Even if they could talk for just a minute and he could perhaps ask her everything he wanted to ask. Why did she leave? Why didn't she tell him? Why wouldn't she talk to him now? Why did she keep so quiet when he took her home after her hospital trip? Sometimes she would look at him with such pain and desperation, as if she was trying to tell him something.

"Chad Dylan Cooper?" He heard a female voice ask, and he took out the permanent marker he carried around consistently for the fans that didn't expect to run into him. He tried not to sigh, and turned around to face the brunette girl who was smiling at him. Chad took off his shades and noticed the young woman looking at him with a smile on her face. He gasped and felt thankful to see a familiar face.

"Portlyn?" He asked with surprise. It had been so long! The formerly rail thin girl in the school uniform had been replaced with a trim young woman in a pair of skinny jeans and tank-top with golden colored skin. Chad would be lying if he said he didn't feel anything for her. He didn't mean to, but he immediately embraced her, ignoring the suffocating scent of her perfume.

"It's good to see you too," she giggled nervously, and that was when reality hit Chad. He stepped back, and scratched the back of his blonde hair nervously. It wasn't hard to admit that he used to have a huge crush on his co-star before a certain Wisconsin native came on the scene. He'd broken her heart, because she realised her feelings way too late. "God, it's been so long, how are you?"

"I'm okay, and you?" He asked her. "I saw that photoshoot you did for – for – for um-"

"The photoshoot I did for Playboy?" She asked him, smirking. She showed absolutely no shame, despite the fact that the guy she was talking to had seen everything about her body. "It's okay, I'm not ashamed."

"And why should you be? Right?" He laughed nervously, "Um, you looked good Port, is that what you're doing now?"

"Well, after I left The Falls and went to college, I started studying feminism and theories about how women have been regarded as these sweet little virgins," she explained, with absolutely no fear or shame in her voice. "And it spoke to me, so when I graduated, I founded an organization for young women eager to step out of their Virgin Queen stereotypes. So yeah, I guess I'm taking an interest in it."

"Wow, are you seeing anyone? Because that seriously is a guy's idea of heaven," he replied, trying to ignore the feelings below his waist. He had a girlfriend, albeit she had originally been a decoy to make his former roommate jealous. He had been monogamous to her and they had somehow ended up in a real relationship instead of the fling he had intended.

"No, but I want to," she replied. "I admire girls who can sleep with anything on legs, but I'm still rooting for the whole love thing. What about you Cooper? I noticed that you were living with Sonny Munroe and starring in some romcoms. What are you doing now?"

"I have this new sitcom thing," he shrugged his shoulders, because he didn't. Chad Dylan Cooper had been walking around in a daze of photoshoots, peroxide blonde and anger. His career consisted of romantic comedies and guest appearances on pitiful teen dramas that no one watched. He longed to be taken seriously as an actor and as a writer. Now, if only he could convince Hollywood's heavyweights that he was worth their time and had Oscar potential. "It's really no big deal." It was only no big deal, because she wasn't the woman he wanted to share his success with, not that he would ever admit that.

"Do you wanna grab some coffee Chad?" She asked him, taking his arm without a second thought. He allowed her. He didn't give a shit about who saw them, because at that moment he was his own person again and not an accessory for Tawni Hart's arm.

"You're so different," she giggled, sipping on the coffee they were drinking outside in the sunshine. "I remember you used to be so arrogant and self-centered. No offence."

"I can still be an asshole," he sneered. "Port, I still think I look like a Greek God. Is that what you want to hear?"

"It sounds weird," she laughed, her teeth gleaming in the light. "You've changed so much. You actually asked about me when we met! If I met you from five years ago, you wouldn't believe it!"

"I've not changed that much Port," he shook his head. He didn't like hearing about who he used to be, because there was someone to blame for why he wasn't the same.

"Trust me, you-"

"Can we just leave it at that Portlyn?" He asked her, sounding impatient. He knew when his voice reached a frightening sense of normalcy that he wasn't feeling fine.

"Are you okay?" She asked him, as he drummed his fingers against the table. He couldn't understand it, for some reason he was ready to lose his temper again. When she told him he was different, it made him remember things; it made him remember the reason he was so different. "Look, I heard about Sonny and what happened with you guys. Is everything okay?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" He asked, shrugging his shoulders. "Sure, we had sex, stopped talking and then she left when we were meant to be patching things up. But I don't give a shit, honestly."

"She's a real mess Chad," Portlyn shook her head sadly, and it only made Chad's heart begin to race. "No one would blame you for being upset. I take it she's not talking to you."

"Why wouldn't people blame me for being upset?" He asked her, shaking his head. "We were friends, and now we aren't. It happens, and it's sad, but it's a part of life. I'm much happier now, really."

It was at that moment when Portlyn reached across the table, and captured Chad's lips with her own. They were slightly chapped, and her hands were cold despite the hot coffee she had been holding a second earlier. Her kiss was different, with more passion and less public affection. She stroked the back of his head softly, and he placed his hands on her cheeks, feeling the blemishes on her cheeks. It was nice. She was nice. It was everything he wanted, but shouldn't need. He then remembered who he was, and who he was with, pushing her away softly…and reluctantly.

"What are you doing?" He sighed.

"You're not alone Chad," she told him softly. "I know that it's never going to give me anything I want, but I always liked you, I still do. Someone cares how you feel, I promise."

"I have a girlfriend," came his reply. He didn't want to say it, but his moral conscience was pounding against his skull and begging him to acknowledge it, despite the beautiful woman sitting across from him. "And she loves me. I'm sorry, but I can't do this."

"I know," she nodded her head.

"I have to go," he said, forcing himself out of the chair. "I'm sorry."

"Give her time Chad," she suddenly blurted out, biting her lip. "Sonny will eventually come back to you; I just think that she needs some time." He ignored her and walked away. He wouldn't dare admit that he hoped she was right.

The next day, Chad went to visit Connie. They had buried the hatchet since the time he blurted out everything about he and Sonny's destructive liaison. Sonny hadn't visited her in months, and despite trying to disguise the truth from the woman, he was unable to hide it for a long time. After a week or two, she asked the inevitable question, and Chad was forced to admit that his former best friend was no longer living with him, and not even speaking to him. He attempted to edit out the atrocities of her behaviour, but he was unable to do that for long, because Connie really was better than they thought she was.

"She's gong to eventually be okay," she insisted, when Chad replied that they still hadn't spoken to each other. "She needs some time to be a little crazy. She's always had to be so smart and sensible. She's going to come back to me. She's going to come back to both of us."

"You don't need to include me in your hopeful speech," he told her softly. He shouldn't have said it, but it blurted out. Chad Dylan Cooper was furious that the whole world expected his life to fall apart all because she wasn't there. He. Was. Fine.

He had Tawni Hart and a relatively promising career. Chad didn't need anyone in his life, especially so-called best friends who abandoned him for a careless and hollow life of partying and cheap kicks. He was sick of everyone treating her disappearance as a respectable one. She was a bitch, and they had to face it. She didn't deserve anyone's sympathy or understanding, and he knew. She wouldn't appreciate it; she would walk out the door without as much as a goodbye. She would leave a note and expect people to be fine after it. She was a bitch, and it had taken a long time for him to say it.

"I know that you're mad Chad," she told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Her hands were so bony and fragile, continuously shaking, no matter how warm the weather. "I'm not going to ask you to forgive her, but I need you to have faith in her. She doesn't believe in herself anymore."

"Why won't anyone face the fucking facts?" He demanded, clenching his fists. "She left without saying goodbye to me! She left for that Ryan Wright who is a well-known womanizer and not to mention recreational cocaine user! She won't return my calls, but she manages to party all night and call other people to let them know where she is! It sounds to me like she believes in herself alright! She seems to have more faith than you give her credit for, because she managed to leave a cab with her front entrance hanging out for all to see!"

The words hurt Connie, he could tell by the way her face screwed up towards the end of his outburst. He hadn't meant to upset her, and watching her eyes fill with tears made him feel full of remorse. No Mother should have to hear that about her daughter. She sighed and massaged her forehead, rocking back and forth, and tears spilling down her cheeks.

"I know you're mad at her," she insisted softly, which only infuriated him further. He was about to interrupt her, but she placed a finger over his lips. "You deny it, and I understand. I think we're all in denial Chad. No one expected Sonny to fall apart, and admitting it means admitting that the security's gone. I think about it every night and I'm so angry at her, but I can't hate her. She needs to come back on her own. She needs to hit rock bottom before she can re-surface. She will come back to you."

"I can't even enjoy my new success," Chad said, changing the subject before he allowed his emotions to get the better of him. "This show I'm in is everything I have ever wanted, and I can't even enjoy it anymore. It is all so fucked up!"

"I'm very proud of you," she told him, nodding her head. "I know it doesn't mean much to you, but when I read that in the paper, I felt pride. I know that you'll never admit it, but you know that there's someone else you want to share that success with. I promise you, she'll have read it, and I bet she's so happy for you."

"You think?" He asked her, letting his guard down for just a second, before maintaining his dignity once more. "Whatever, I don't even care anymore."

"Whatever you say," she replied. Chad Dylan Cooper wasn't budging from his stance and there was nothing anyone could do to change that.

Chad walked back to his apartment, with his hands in his pocket, looking up at the night sky. When they were friends, they used to pretend they knew all about astronomy and spend the night on the roof of their apartment. They would drink beer and lie on a duvet, pointing out collections of stars and make up names of what the constellations were called. They would promise to learn more about it, but they never did. They just held hands and looked up at the sky. He didn't care about the stars; he only cared about the girl lying under them.

He shook his head, trying to get rid of the memories. It was time for him to move on. She didn't love him. She never had, and he had spent all of his time on nothing. She was gone, and he was going to have to face it. He was with Tawni now, and he had to be happy. Tawni was happy with him; she expected him not to think of Sonny Munroe. He couldn't think about Sonny Munroe. Never again.

RING! RING!

"Hello?"

"Hello, is that you Chad?" He could hear the frantic tone of Keisha, and suddenly his phone felt very heavy in his hand, and his other hand clenched into a fist.

"What do you want?" He tried to remain calm, but he was essentially having a conversation with the girl who had helped his former best friend lose everything she once held close to her.

"I need to talk to you," she insisted, and she sounded urgent, but the girl was an actress, he supposed that she could easily turn on a tone of urgency. "About So-"

"No! I don't give a fuck anymore Keisha!" He protested. "You guys were the ones who fucking took her into your world, so it's your problem now. I don't give a flying fuck about any of it anymore."

"Chad, please don't hang up on me!" She pleaded. "There's a real problem here! She's in real trouble and I badly need to talk to you about it. Please, don't hang up on me."

He would admit that he was tempted to meet her, but then he remembered the phone call Lucy had received weeks earlier from Ryan, and he feared he would receive a beating. Keisha couldn't be trusted, and as much as he wanted to believe she was being genuine, he couldn't. He just couldn't believe that they were using his former friend to be so violent towards her real friends.

"Wow, would you believe it's 'do the opposite as Keisha says' day?" He replied sarcastically, "I think I'm going to hang up the phone now."

"Chad, please don't, I need –"

He didn't hear anything else that she said, because he hung up. A part of him wanted to call Sonny, whose number remained on his phone under a different name to keep Tawni from suspecting anything. He blocked Keisha's calls and deleted her text messages without reading them. He didn't blame her for all of it though; he just blamed her for not putting a stop to it. Whenever he thought about it, when he let his guard down, he always found he was so mad that he could cry. He shook his head, as if that would shake off the memories of everything. He was determined not to care, and that was how he behaved all the way home.

Chad's denial stance ended the moment he walked into his bedroom. He didn't make a sound as he crept into the apartment, hoping to surprise Tawni. He opened the bedroom door to see her in bed with an unfamiliar man. Chad had probably seen him on TV, because Tawni Hart didn't sleep with anyone unless they were famous. The most difficult thing was keeping quiet. He was in shock, and he felt a little sick. They were kissing passionately, and naked in the bed she and Chad shared. There were candles flickering beside them, making Tawni's eyes light up as she enjoyed every minute. They didn't see him standing there, because there was only a small crack in the door.

The most terrifying thing was how Chad felt. He felt nothing. He was surprised, and slightly angry that he was going to have to wash those sheets later. But he wasn't upset with her. He didn't feel betrayed by her. He was actually surprised that he hadn't learned it sooner. Of course Tawni was going to cheat on him. They were never truly happy.

He left minutes later. He knew exactly where he should be going, but instead he went somewhere else.

"I had to see you tonight," he whispered desperately when she opened the door. He hadn't stopped thinking of her. What happened earlier only strengthened his urge to see her. It had been so long, and surely it wasn't too late to mend fences. She knew how he truly felt about everything, and even though he didn't agree with everything she was doing, he wanted her.

"Do you want to come in?"

"Yeah," he replied, stepping up and kissing her on the lips. He stepped away after a few seconds. "I need someone to understand. I need to block it out. I need to forget everything for just a little while, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded her head, her curls bouncing off her shoulders. "Come on in."

Chad sighed, and followed Portlyn into her home.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Hi guys, it's pearl chavez again! I'm so sorry that this story has taken what seems like yrs to update, but myself and Kelsey have been unbelievably busy up till now! However, it is finally summer and I thought I would grace you all with another chapter. The reviews are absolutely amazing and I seriously want to thank you all for them as well as favouriting/subscribing and even just spreading the word. Keep the reviews and the love coming as it keeps the dreaded writer's block away. I am personally so proud of what we have both achieved with this story and I hope you enjoy!**

"That was fucking good," Chad said to Portlyn after they'd been at it all night. They lay beside each other, similiar to the way Chad and Sonny had lay after they destroyed their friendship. Portlyn hid her lower torso under the duvet, but her chest was staring him in the face, as well as her glistening face and sparkling smile. He smiled back, trying to assure her that he wasn't thinking of Sonny, but she knew. She was smart like that.

"If I knew you could do that stuff, I would have tapped that long ago," she giggled, kissing him again. They had been sleeping together for weeks now and it was the perfect way for Chad to unwind from the lie that was his life. He could be normal with Portlyn; he didn't have to pretend that he was in love with her and he didn't have to pretend that he didn't care about her when truthfully she was all he thought about. She was nothing like Tawni or Sonny and he adored her for it.

"That was awesome," he replied breathlessly. "I forgot my own name for a minute there."

"I'm glad I'm doing exactly what you want me to," she laughed, getting up out of bed. "Is tonight a sleepover or is someone expecting you back?"

"What's your plans tonight?"

"I'm wide open."

"Let me call Tawni and tell her that I'm with the guys."

Tawni wouldn't care where the hell Chad was, because it wasn't like she was the monogamous girlfriend hopelessly devoted to him. Their relationship had eased up since he realised that it was all a big joke and he didn't feel as suffocated as he usually did. Tawni didn't expect much and they continually fed each other false words and affection to maintain the illusion that they were both dedicated to the other.

Chad saw another voicemail flashing on the top of his screen. He knew exactly who it was from and he planned to have it deleted immediately.

"I didn't want to have to tell you this on voicemail but you've left me no choice! Sonny needs you Chad! She needs you so badly! The thing with Sonny is –"

"Message deleted."

It took Chad Dylan Cooper a long time to stop wanting to take her calls. He hated Keisha with every fibre of his being, but her urgent tone and persistent phone calls and even house visits sometimes made him wish he had the will to listen. He wanted to help Sonny. He dreamt of helping her every single night and Portlyn would often shake him until he returned to unfortunate reality. But he couldn't anymore. No one could help Sonny. She was the only one able to save her life. Chad swore that he would drop everything the day she came and told him she wanted help. He swore that nothing would hold him back. All he could do now was wait.

"Chad it's totally okay for you to stay over at Grady's," Tawni said casually, but he could hear the coughing of someone in the background. He pretended not to. It was so much easier that way.

"That's awesome," he replied, as if she was doing him a great favour. Sometimes he wanted to tell Tawni the truth, because it seemed that she was obsessed with being the only object of his affections. He had a feeling that if she knew, she might care more than he did about her infidelity. "I love you. Bye."

"Yeah, me too," she said flatly. "Bye."

They said it because they had to. They were supposed to be devoted to each other, so Chad said those three words to Tawni to keep up the charade. He hated it. He knew that he shouldn't care, but he wondered whether Sonny believed he loved her. He had only ever said those three words – and meant it – to her the night they slept together. He meant it then. Even when he denied it – which he did – he still felt it for her. He still loved her.

"Ready for round two?" Portlyn asked, standing in the doorway with a corset on and racy underwear. Chad's heart pounded, but she wasn't the one he wanted. However, he needed to forget.

"Absolutely."

Those three words are said too much. That was what Sonny thought when Ryan said that he loved her. Every time he said it she thought the same thing. He said he loved her everyday and she said it back, it was their routine. She wanted to mean it and the majority of her body had convinced itself that she really did, but her heart had always been the rebel. Her heart only agreed that she was in love when Chad Dylan Cooper told her he loved her. She didn't say it back, but she wanted to at the time. She wanted to. She wished she had. It was something she wished every single day. Again, that was something that her body convinced itself wasn't true.

Sonny first realised that she was trapped when she saw Chad walking hand in hand with Tawni down the street. Before that it was a normal day. She was walking down the street after topping up on her various habbits and blocking out everything that brought her pain. She looked like a ghost under the shimmering sunlight and her eyes were sore being in such a bright light. She tried to run back to the apartment as soon as she could, because Ryan would often ask her questions about where she had been and she was sick of it. The tone he used made her feel like a pet he kept for his own amusement.

Sonny tried to fix her stained mascara looking at her compact mirror and that was when she saw the two of them walking behind her. So she ran. She didn't know where she was running to, but it was too late. Chad's ocean blue eyes had looked into her brown ones. A huge part of her wanted to jump on him and beg him to take her home, but she couldn't. It was too late. She clutched her stomach and was reminded of what she had deprived him of. She hid in an alley and watcheed them walk past. She knew Tawni had laid eyes on her too, because she kissed Chad numerous times as they walked by. Sonny felt her heart break knowing that it could have been her. If she had only – no, she couldn't think like this. That was a past life. Ryan was right. He had always been right. No one loved her like he did. No one was willing to risk as much for her. Only him. She was stupid to want more, but as she watched Chad and Tawni walk away, she wondered: what if?

When she returned home, Keisha was sitting in the living room alone, smoking a cigarette and looking out the window. When she looked at Sonny, her eyes watered a little, but she cleared her throat before she showed her emotions. Sonny had noticed how she cowered like a child before her brother. She said that he had always been an intimidating figure. Sometimes Sonny felt so suffocated that she longed to be the carefree woman she used to be. The woman she was when she lived with Chad. Why didn't she tell him she loved him?

"Where's Ryan?" Sonny asked, trying not to shake, but the encounter had left her traumatised. She hadn't seen him since she left him after promising they would be friends.

"I don't know."

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know."

Keisha looked across the room at the white walls and Sonny tried to figure out what was wrong with her. She suspected that it had something to do with Nick. Every emotion that Keisha showed had something to do with Nick. She had never known someone to be so in love that it destroyed them. She tried to study Keisha's facial features, but she gave nothing away. She was probably high as well. Keisha tended to become overly-whatever emotion she had been feeling beforehand when she was stoned. Either way, Sonny sat down beside her and put her arm around her, because Keisha had done the same thing to her many times.

"I know," she suddenly said. Sonny looked at her, and Keisha nodded her head, as if she was supposed to guess what she meant by that vague statement. Keisha knew a lot of things, what the hell did she mean? She squinted her eyes and held her closer, but Keisha took Sonny's hand. "I know what happened to you."

Sonny immediately pushed her away and walked all the way over to the wall. She stared at it hard and tried to focus on the texture and the terrible paint job. It was what she did whenever she thought of the baby. She put her hands on her hips and pretended they were glued so she wouldn't think to touch her stomach. It wasn't working this time. She could normally zone out of everything when she thought of the plain white wall and made her mind reflect every part of it. Not this time. This time she could see her baby's face in the wall and its hand reaching out to her, the little fingers begging for just one of hers. She was going to reach out her hand, but she didn't. It hated her. It hated her so much for imprisoning it in heaven forever when it could have lived. She closed her eyes, but she could hear it crying and she could see it in Chads arms. She gasped when she felt Keisha's hand on her shoulder.

"I heard you and Ryan fighting. That's how I know."

"I - I..." Sonny couldn't say anything for a while and Keisha didn't make her. Her eyes filled up with tears and she wanted to talk about it so badly. She looked at the girl who had introduced her to this new world and become her new confidante in a matter of weeks. She wanted to say something. She wanted to allow the girl a glimpse into her guilty mind; the mind that tortured her everyday. The mind that forced her to numb herself from all of it.

"You can talk to me about it," Keisha said softly and it was such a tempting offer. Sonny looked at her, her eyes watering and her throat swelling because of the lump rising. She wanted to tell her all about it. All about how she didn't mean to fuck up everything with Chad. All about how she didn't mean to kill her baby. All about how she was dying to do it over again. She would change so much.

And then she thought of Ryan.

She thought of his promises to her and how no one else would love her like him. He said they would all pretend to be welcoming but that everyone would despise her for what she did. No one would ever welcome her back and she ought to surrender herself to him. Ryan said he would keep her safe. He would keep her safe better than Chad ever could. She wanted to agree, but she remembered the way Chad held her. When James hurt her, he held her so tightly and she knew that he went and punched him in the face for what he did. Chad was there for her, in every way that a person could be there for anyone. She had ruined everything with him. He would never forgive her for it and Ryan said that. Sonny had made her bed and now she was going to lie in it.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sonny said to Keisha flatly. It broke her heart, but she had to. Keisha was going to say something else, but Sonny ran out of the apartment.

Chad wasn't going to see Sonny originally. He was going to visit Portlyn as she promised him the best day and night of his life. He was holding flowers and a copy of 'Gone with the Wind', one of the best movies he had ever watched in his life. He and Sonny had watched it once and he didn't mean to, but throughout it all he compared her to the heroine in the movie. They were both so fiesty and strong. They would never allow themselves to be put down by anyone. Sonny had told him he was insane and that she could never be Scarlett O'Hara. He thought she was crazy.

"Do you think you're my Rhett Butler?" She asked him playfully. His immediate thought was; I wish, but he couldn't say it to her. Would things have been different if he had? He used to wonder everyday, but then again he wondered so many things about Sonny. He wondered about every encounter and the 'what ifs'.

"Well I'm definitely not your Ashley Wilkes," he replied, wishing he had told her the truth. "Who do you think I am to you?"

"It's obvious," she shrugged her shoulders, a small smile on her face. Chad's heart was thundering and he was convinced she was about to tell him something he always wanted to hear. "You're like Tara; you'll always be there for me. You make me strong when I'm weak and heartbroken and I will fight to the death to keep you."

That was when he decided to visit Sonny. He didn't even know what he was thinking, but he did promise that he would always be there for her. Chad had always been there before, and he promised he would remain there even when it was difficult. He couldn't give up on her, not now. He would wait for her, as long as she needed him to and when she finally returned to him, he would be there for her. They were best friends. He couldn't deny it any longer. He couldn't deny any of it.

He wasn't expecting what he saw next. It would stay in his mind forever.

Sonny walked into her mother's room with fake confidence, pretending that she hadn't been standing outside for a while turning to go home and then turning back again. She knew that she had betrayed her mother and she knew that the woman's heart might have closed the space it always had for her. Sonny loved her mom though. She did, even though she knew that the woman knew she was falling apart. She thought about her everyday and the struggles she'd made it through.

She was lying in bed with her eyes closed. Sonny knew she wasn't asleep, because she breathed loudly when she was asleep – something that always prompted a slap from Steve when she was younger. When Sonny remembered it, she felt the sharp pain her mother must have felt every time. She stood at the door, unable to keep her balance and trying not to sob loudly. Tears ran down her cheeks and her hands were shaking. God, how she had missed her.

"I know you're there," her mother said, opening her eyes. They had bags under them and she looked incredibly tired. It overwhelmed Sonny. She didn't smile or anything, but she motioned for Sonny to come in, so she did. She stepped forward slowly and stood a distance away from the bed. She felt like a disease and she didn't want to infect her mother. They stood in silence for a moment. At first Sonny thought it would remain this way, but her mother held out her arms and Sonny ran into them just like she used to.

"I've missed you," she sobbed, unable to catch her breath. She inhaled her mother's scent and everything about her touch as her arms embraced her. She held her tightly and broke into heavy sobs. She felt so content when her mother stroked her hair just like she used to. When they looked at each other, they smiled and she cupped Sonny's face, her eyes shining with tears. "Oh Mom, I –"

"I don't want to hear it," she insisted. "I'm just glad to see my daughter again." Sonny smiled and embraced her again, so desperate to tell her everything. She knew that she no longer had a choice. Sonny had to tell her mother everything. She had to, before she convinced herself not to. She was done being in denial. When she ran out on Keisha, she ran such a long way and she thought about it. She thought about everything she gave up.

Stupidly enough, she thought of the time she watched 'Gone with the Wind' with Chad. She made him watch it one winter night when they were in New York. They were holding each other to keep warm and admiring the beautiful weather in the movie when they started talking. He compared her to the strong and feisty Scarlett O'Hara and she thought he was mad. Then she asked him who he was, and she longed for him to say her Rhett Butler. She didn't know why, but she did. He didn't reply, so she told him that he was like Tara, the place that would make Scarlett strong again. After that, Sonny promised Chad that she would be hisTara and his Melanie combined; the thing that made him strong and the thing that loved him no matter what.

Telling her mother the terrible truth would be the first step into being the person she promised Chad she would be. She didn't want to do it, and she turned to run away from it many times, but how she longed to be the girl she used to be. She didn't want to be afraid anymore. She didn't want to feel guilty everyday. She didn't want her mind to torture her everyday. She didn't want to miss Chad everyday.

"Mom, I have to tell you something."

"Oh Nick thank God!" Keisha exclaimed happily down the phone, jumping up and down. "I promise you won't regret it! I didn't know who else to talk to about any of it."

"Do you promise it's got nothing to do with the demise of our relationship?" Nick asked her. She had resorted to calling him because he knew Chad. It was the only way she could think to save Sonny. Chad wouldn't pick up his phone and Sonny was in denial. Keisha felt like she could drown with the wave of information constantly throwing itself at her everyday. She had to save her. Maybe then she would be able to save herself.

"I told you it was about Sonny and it is!" She insisted, terrified of pushing him away. A part of her wanted to push him away because the mere thought of seeing him made her body feel weak enough for her to sit down. She still loved him and she was ashamed of it. However, she needed his help. She would tell him and he would tell Chad, because Chad would listen to him. "I'm going to the local Starbucks now."

"Fine," he sighed. Obviously he had to fight to see her too, but they had to do something. They needed to help Sonny and this was the only way. "I'll see you in five minutes." He hung up the phone and she grabbed her purse, jumping up and down before opening the door.

She gasped when she saw Ryan standing there.

"Hi there Ryan," she said calmly, trying not to make him suspicious. When they were children, she had to master this when it came to her brother. Sometimes when she looked at him, she was convinced that he had soulless eyes. They looked empty and he looked at her like she was nothing. Now, he was looking at her like she was nothing and she felt the same fear she used to when she was a child. "I'm just leaving."

"Is Sonny home?" He asked her, and she shook her head. "Crap, I brought us back some genuinely fantastic weed and she's not here to experience it."

"I'll experience it later," she smiled, turning to walk down the stairs, but she felt his hand on her shoulder. She turned to see that he had a strange smile on his face. She didn't trust it. What was he so happy about? This was when Keisha had to promise herself that she would keep the secret that she knew anything. "Is there something you want? Because I'm kinda in a rush here."

"You know Keisha I underestimate you all the time," he remarked, shaking his head. He sounded different. He didn't sound like the usual stoned brother she'd grown accustomed to in the last few years. He put another hand on her shoulder and smiled at her. It almost looked sincere. "You're smart, did you know that?"

"I guess I have my moments," she shrugged her shoulders, playing along with him because she feared the way he was looking at her. His hands felt like they were burning her and he kept on laughing funny. She wanted to meet Nick as soon as possible. Why didn't she leave earlier? Why didn't she leave when she was on the phone to him? She tried to walk away, but Ryan's grip on her shoulders didn't ease.

"That's what I don't get about this," he shook his head, as if he were embarrassed by her. By this point, Keisha's heart was thundering and she felt a familiar sense of dread in her stomach. "Sis, why weren't you smart enough to realise that I know you know about Sonny."

Keisha looked at him, her eyes wide with shock. She stepped back a little, slipping on one of the steps, but he caught her before she fell. She covered her mouth and edged away from him. She kept on shaking her head and felt her eyes welling up with tears. No, he was never supposed to realise what she knew! He smiled triumphantly at how speechless she was.

"I could see you hiding the night we had that fight," he explained to her softly, shaking his head. "And I've heard you on the phone to Chad, but luckily for me he's not picking up. And I fucking know that you were just speaking to Nick on the phone and you plan to tell him."

"I'm going to save her," Keisha hissed. "You are evil! You don't love her! You're keeping her away from everyone that loves her and I'm going to make sure you don't anymore!"

"I've fucking told you not to mess with my life!" He snapped, his shout so loud it echoed throughout the hallways, but their apartment was secluded. No one could hear them. Keisha was terrified by his eyes now, but she was determined to stand her ground. She was determined that she was going to meet Nick and that she was going to save Sonny. "Fine, that's what I'm doing! I'm making her all mine! It's my damn business Keisha! Don't act like you didn't help me bring her down to hell with us!"

"And now I'm making it up to her!" Keisha snapped, and she was smiling at him. "You think that you're so damn scary and so damn intimidating! You want the world to be scared of you but I'm not! Youu're just a sad, pathetic bully who gets his kicks from bullying the vulnerable! You manipulated her when she was weak and upset! I'm going to help her! I'm going to get her away from you! You sick son of a bitch!"

Ryan didn't say anything for a while. Keisha's hands were shaking, but she gripped the hand bannisters to hide it. He looked surprised and she couldn't believe that she actually thought he looked a little upset after everything she said. Was he going to give in? She saw him look guilty. It was an expression he had never sported before and it made her feel strange. She stood there motionlessly, waiting. She should have run. Oh God, she should have run for her life.

"Hey Keisha?" He called as she was about to walk away. She turned around, wondering whether he was maybe going to redeem himself.

"Yeah?"

"Say hello to mom for me," he said. Their mother was dead.

"What?"

She didn't see it coming. It happened so quickly. One moment he was standing away from her. And then it all changed within seconds.

He pushed her down the stairs.

**Author's Final Note: Is Keisha dead? Will Sonny tell her mother the truth? What did Chad see that will change his life and possibly his mind about Sonny? And the most important question: will Sonny and Chad ever speak again? Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you all think!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Hi everyone! Sorry again for the delayed follow up, but my dear writing partner has been having trouble writing chapters, so I have decided to take over the story until the very end. This is Pearl Chavez by the way. I just want to thank everyone for their excellent patience and their support, because I really don't deserve it. I hope you enjoy! Please read/review/favourite/subscribe to. I promise I'll try and make it worth it. Please enjoy!**

"Oh my baby," Sonny's mother soothed, rocking her daughter back and forth in her arms. She wished she knew what to say. She wished that she could think of more to say, but the words had evaporated the moment Sonny confessed why she had disappeared for almost a year. Connie thought that her daughter's new found illegal hobbies and emancipated frame were a result of delayed rebellion. She wished now that they had been. She would have given anything for her daughter not to have endured what she had.

"I see it in my dreams every night," Sonny whispered, the shocking images coming back to haunt her once again. She felt safe in her mother's arms though, feeling the warmth of the only woman who had ever truly loved her made her feel secure. She felt safe against the monsters and the agonising guilt that passed through her every single day. Sonny Munroe would never forget though, even now the shadow of the guilt, agony and regret was sitting in the corner, just waiting to pounce on her. "I hate knowing what I did."

"You didn't do it sweetie," Connie assured her daughter, stroking her cheek. Sonny confessed that the guilt felt like a million bricks were on top of her and slowly crushing her bones, but that was what she felt when she thought of what her daughter had endured for so long. "It happened to you."

"It happened to Chad too," Sonny whispered, the second bombshell of what was now the early evening. She expected her mother to be a tad more surprised, but Connie barely changed her expression. Sonny supposed that her sudden avoidance of Chad made the whole thing obvious. That was why the pain never disappeared, no matter how much she willed it to. It wasn't simply her child she had lost, but the child she and Chad had made on the night that was supposed to seal their fate. She only wished that she hadn't pushed him away so far, because if she hadn't then they might have been welcoming a child into the world. Chad Dylan Cooper was now gone forever and it was all her fault. How could she atone for her sin? She had blocked it out by any means necessary, but she had stepped out of the darkness and she wanted to repent. She wanted to come back again. Come back to him.

"He loves you," Connie assured her, but surely those were just kind words from a mother. Sonny didn't want to dwell on her mother's fragile state of mind, but she had to. Chad didn't love Sonny. Chad's love of Sonny had worn out the day she left their apartment or maybe even sooner. Was she wrong to wish that time could be turned back? People weren't meant to have regrets, but when Sonny laid eyes on her dangerously visible veins, skinny figure, dark eyes and constant frown, she couldn't help but wonder what might have been.

"No he doesn't," she replied and that fact almost hurt more than the pain she felt everyday about their lost child. "I've accepted that it's too late for us."

"You need to tell him," Connie pleaded with her, taking her daughter's arms frantically. She worried that she was about to lose her completely. Only Connie knew just how dangerous a poisoned mind could be; if she didn't act, she knew that it would take her daughter just like it had almost taken her. She didn't think she could survive if she outlived her daughter. "It's not your fault. Sonny, you have to realise that it was meant to be."

"If I hadn't –"

"You did everything you were meant to," Connie insisted, squeezing her hand, but Sonny winced like she was in pain. It was difficult and extremely emotional hearing the one thing you've wanted to hear for so long. Sonny had dreamt of someone being so kind to her, but she didn't think it would ever become real. Everyday she wanted someone to tell her that the agony she felt was undeserving. Of course she didn't believe it, she continued to tell herself that she had caused the death of the child and it was her fault she had driven herself away from everyone.

"If I tell Chad, he'll never speak to me again," Sonny said, because she knew it. She had dreamt many times of telling Chad and he acted the same every time. He said such horrible things to her – that she deserved of course – and she couldn't bear hearing them in real life. She chose to remember Chad as her best friend, not as the guy she had abused for the past few months. No, he deserved better than her.

"I don't want to see you dead Sonny," Connie whispered, about to bring up the one thing that she knew might cripple her daughter emotionally. "And I worry that Ryan will kill you."

Sonny could only look at her mother with tear filled eyes and the knowledge that she was right. She had known for a while that Ryan might kill her. It wasn't love that was keeping them together, it was fear. It had always been fear. First she feared that he might tell Chad the dreaded truth, and now she remained with him because she feared that he might take her life and the lives of the people she loved if he had his way. Sonny's pain was worth the happiness of everyone else, even if she wasn't there to see it herself. She was speechless. She had no idea how to reply to her mother. She didn't realise until that very minute that she had become the woman she promised she would never be:

Her Mother.

"I know you're so much better than him Sonny," her mother told her, putting her arm around her and kissing her on the cheek. It reminded her of Ryan and his superficial affection after he had hit her. He always kissed her and he promised that he wouldn't hurt her any longer, but he always did. Ryan's abuse didn't always involve his drug filled hands, but sometimes his mouth, which could be filled with all sorts of hate. "I know you don't think you do and you think he's good, but he's not. He's not good. He will destroy you."

"Who's to say I don't deserve it?" Sonny asked the question she had been asking herself for months now. Connie tried not to cry. Had she lost her daughter forever? This thin young woman wasn't the girl that had visited her just over a year ago. Where was that strong young woman she used to know? Where was the sun filled eyes and the toothy grin she was famous for? Where was the young woman who knew she didn't deserve any less than the best? Connie missed that young woman more than she could ever know.

Sonny lay in her mother's arms for a little while and thought of Chad. Her mind always drifted to him when she was with Ryan. She tried her hardest to ensure that he was forgotten, but when she was least expecting it, she remembered him again. She felt like she had been watching a movie and was recalling as much as she could from it. She wanted to see it all again, but her mind could only recall the most memorable moments, and when it came to Chad Dylan Cooper there were a lot of memorable moments. Sonny Munroe had no idea that the jerkthrob who stole her frozen yoghurt would have to much impact on her life. She didn't realise that Selena Gomez had been right all along: there was always something between the lines when it came to Sonny and Chad.

"Do you remember that movie we watched?" Chad asked Sonny one day as they sat in their apartment after spending the day cleaning it. They dedicated one day every month to washing the floors, cleaning the bathroom, kitchen and their bedrooms.

"We watch a lot of movies," Sonny laughed, sitting next to him. It had all been so simple then; sitting next to him without the incessant need to hold him, although it had always existed to a small extent.

"It was called 'Thirteen' and it had that chick from True Blood in it," Chad remarked, rolling his eyes at her obvious sarcasm. Sonny nodded her head, remembering it. "I really liked that movie and I think I should tell you this now before I chicken out."

"You wanted to do Evan Rachel Wood, didn't you?" Sonny giggled, "I told you she wasn't thirteen in real life, so I don't see why you felt like you were a paedophile or anything."

"Oh you're so funny, but this is besides my beastiality," Chad smirked, and then he turned to face her, looking serious. He barely looked this serious. "You know how that girl went through the worst kind of shit? I mean I know she brought a lot of it on herself, but nonetheless she went through a lot. Well, I really admired her for picking herself up again at the end. I mean she'll always be flawed, but she got her shit together."

"I admired it too," Sonny said, not really knowing how to reply. She felt her heart pound and her face lighting on fire when he felt Chad's hand resting on top of hers. He smiled at her.

"I've always felt that way about you too," he confessed, his cheeks reddening with every word. Sonny found it incredibly difficult not to feel embarrassed. This wasn't the first time her best friend had complimented her like this and sometimes she wondered whether his good intentions perhaps implied something more. Before they slept together, she always ignored it. "You've been through a lot, but you pick yourself up again. I'm telling you now Munroe, I believe that even in the worst possible circumstances you would pick yourself up again."

Sonny didn't believe him at the time, and she was still having a hard time believing him now, but when she looked at her mother she wondered whether she should force herself to believe it. Sonny Munroe had reached the low point and she missed the gleaming rays of sunshine waiting for her at the top. She had to get her shit together, if not for herself, then for her mother. She owed her mother that much and of course she owed Chad.

"If I left, would you protect me?" Sonny asked desperately, knowing that it would take a long time for her to be free of her demons. She couldn't just wish it all away. Nothing was that simple any longer, but perhaps one day Sonny would be able to return to Chad without feeling shame.

"You know I would," her mother promised, kissing her hands. "Oh Sonny, you're a stronger woman than I ever was, and you don't even know it."

"You taught me how," Sonny assured her, kissing her on the cheek. "I need to tell him, don't I?"

The answer was 'yes' and Sonny didn't need her mother to confirrm it, because she had always known. Even when she didn't want to admit it, the answer was always 'yes'. Chad was the only man that understood her and she didn't believe that she would ever meet another man like him. No one understood her like Chad and she had allowed him to simply walk out of her life. She really didn't know a good thing when she had it. Sonny had allowed herself to be pushed around by Ryan for so long and swayed by loose morals, alcohol and drugs that she didn't even realise that the one thing she craved most was to be Chad's friend again.

That night, Sonny made her way to the apartment she used to share with Chad, hoping that one day she could become the woman she used to be; the woman with hopeful prospects, a strong mind and the one thing that set her apart from who she was now; pride. She focused on that mostly, trying not to think about how sick she felt and how petrified she was of facing her demons again. A part of her screamed that she wasn't ready, but she assumed that it was the agony inside of her and the guilt that had overstayed their welcome.

Tawni answered the door in a pink dressing gown and her luminous blonde curls tied up. She looked at Tawni like a piece of trash and Sonny was ashamed to admit that she wasn't surprised. Tawni hadn't lost even a piece of her beauty or her vanity so it seemed.

"I thought we'd seen the last of you," she remarked, eyeing her up and down. The apartment felt so warm and she could smell Chad in it. "What do you want?"

"Where's Chad?" She asked Tawni desperately, not caring whether it hurt the bleached blonde or her inflated ego. "I need to talk to him and I need to talk to him now."

"So now you want to talk?" Tawni asked, rolling her eyes. What right did she have looking at Sonny like that? It was Tawni's harmful actions that had led to this in the first place. How dare she stand there like Sonny Munroe had been the bitch. "I thought you were gone and I know Chad did too. He's not home and as far as you're concerned he never will be home. TTYN."

"I know he still loves me," Sonny said. Of course she didn't believe what she was saying, but the only thing that would make Tawni Hart cave was doubt and someone else being the sun everyone else revolved around. Tawni had been about to turn away, but she stopped dead in her tracks and looked at Sonny with so much hate.

"You had your chance and you blew it!" Tawni hissed, her hands reddening as she gripped the door handle to stop her from pouncing on Sonny. "You want to know something? He really wanted to be with you and you walked all over him like his heart was nothing. You became me Sonny."

"But he still loves me, doesn't he?" She asked, pretending that Tawni's jibes didn't hurt her, but they did. Every word she said felt like a knife plunging into her stomach. "You'd like to think that he's forgotten me, but I'm all he thinks about. He hates that I'm gone and when he looks at you he sees me, because we belong together and you don't belong here!"

"Leave me alone!" Tawni screamed, slamming the door in Sonny's face. She could hear the girl crying her eyes out on the other side. So Chad wasn't here. Where else could he be?

That was when Sonny figured it out.

"You have to find her," Keisha choked, spitting out more of her blood. Chad tried to hold her up, but slowly he was taking responsibility for all of her weight. A few moments earlier he had watched her brother heartlessly throw her down the stairs and leave the building. Chad thought that he was about to be reunited with his best friend after a lengthy absence, but instead he was about to be reunited with death.

"Not until the ambulance gets here," Chad insisted. He had tried to call an ambulance, but Keisha wouldn't let him, knocking the phone out of his hands and insisiting she would do it herself. She had grabbed his sleeves and stained them with her blood, begging him to listen to her now. His eyes filled with tears when he first laid eyes on her. Her hair was matted with blood, her face was bruised beyond repair and her mouth was spilling with blood. She could barely speak when he held her up, but she spat it out and held onto him as if her life depended on it. "You have to let me call someone Keisha!"

"Call Sonny," Keisha begged, her voice rapidly disappearing and her grip on Chad's arm loosening. Chad watched as she slowly lost the battle for her life, but he was determined that he wasn't going to witness it. He knew that he had always thought mean things about Keisha. She was the woman that had stolen his beloved Sonny from him and introduced her to a world he didn't want her to know. Chad had watched as Keisha led Sonny through a world that had been the ending of her. "She needs you. It's my fault. I'm sorry."

"Stop it!" Chad pleaded. She sounded like she was saying goodbye and he couldn't bear to have someone die in his arms. It wasn't glamourous or endearing like it was in the movies. In the movies, the actresses never really died, yet he was watching a young woman cease before him. "You don't have to go! We can both save her!"

"I always wanted to be the good guy in the end," Keisha smiled a little, bearing her bloodsoaked teeth. She slowly let go of Chad and he felt all of her weight collapse on him. "Let her know I helped. I don't want to feel guilty about anything."

"Stop it Keisha, please God just stop it!" Chad yelled, his voice echoing furiously throughout the hallway. Keisha did stop it. She stopped altogether. Her breathing. Her heart. Her will to live.

Chad watched her die in front of him.

"Oh fuck," he sighed, covering his mouth with his hands. Her blood was all over him. He felt a tear escape his eye and he edged away from the lifeless body beside him. He sat in the corner and buried his face in his knees wondering why he couldn't have arrived just five minutes earlier. He would have saved her. He would have stopped Ryan doing that awful thing. He wouldn't have had to watch her die.

He had to find Sonny. She couldn't be next.

"Hey Cooper. Think fast."

Chad looked up.

BANG!

Chad didn't realise it was a gunshot until blood started pouring out of his stomach.

**Author's Note: Is Chad going to die? Or will Sonny get to him in time? And is someone ever going to kill Ryan? Although I think the most important question is: will Sonny and Chad EVER get together? Let me know what you think!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Surprise! I initially wasn't going to update until Friday night, but then I realised just how much waiting you've all been doing and I thought my readers deserved a reward for their great patience and outstanding support. I promise that I'll update more regularly, because in a couple of weeks I start college and it's going to be hectic. I'm finding it so much fun to write just now and I hope it reflects in the chapters I upload. I bet you were all gearing yourselves up for another long wait. So, please read/favourite/subscribe/review because it makes me feel super awesome and I love hearing what you guys think! Most of all, please enjoy!**

Chad expected it to hurt more. From what he watched in movies, when someone was shot, their reactions were always that of excrutiating pain. Their faces would turn from ghostly white to beetroot red within seconds and suddenly one hundred wrinkles would show up on their faces as they stretched muscles that might have never been used before. Their eyes would water and the screams or yelps would sometimes make him wince when he was watching it on screen. They would collapse on the ground, clutching at the wound, either crying or slowly accepting the fact that their life was over.

Chad did none of those things. He sat against the wall holding his wound as if his measly hands would stop the river of flood flowing from the hole in his stomach. He couldn't believe that such a small wound could extract so much blood from his system. He was thankful for the wall behind him, because all of his strength was being focused on keeping his eyes open and he wouldn't have managed that and keeping his balance. Maybe that was why it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. His mind simply wouldn't allow him to dwell on how excrutiating it really was, because he couldn't lose sight, literally. He could hear his heart beat decreasing and he could taste the sickly metallic blood in his mouth. Chad Dylan Cooper never had a problem with blood before, but the taste of his own in his mouth felt wrong and disgusting, making him want to vomit.

Chad could hear Ryan pacing around the hall, but his eyesight had rapidly failed him within minutes of being shot. He could only see the silhouette of Ryan pacing around; he didn't know if it was guilt or whether it was joy watching his prey slowly lose his life. He could hear Ryan's short breaths so clearly and his own difficult breaths. It felt like his lungs were being crushed with a heavier force every second and he was slowly losing the breath within him.

Chad then heard frantic footsteps and a woman's silhouette rushing towards Ryan. She must have heard heels, because he could feel the ground vibrating slightly with his bloodstained hands and it sounded like she was wearing heels. Sonny? He prayed that it wasn't Sonny. Chad was desperate to see her and he was convinced that thoughts of her slowly restored his strength, but she shouldn't have been there. She should have been far away from the corpse of Keisha and the future corpse of Chad.

He sat there against the freezing cold wall and for the first time in God knows how long, Chad felt tears well up in his eyes because he was afraid. He didn't want to die. He especially didn't want to die alone. It was selfish to wish Sonny Munroe was holding his hand and whispering beautiful things in his ear, but he continued to think about it. Her safety was his primary concern, but surely the Lord would allow him to think about it in his last moments? It was strange how he assumed this would not end well. From the moment the bullet broke into his stomach, Chad Dylan Cooper knew that his fate had been sealed. He had failed his very best friend and now he was lying here dying alone while Ryan and an unfamiliar female stood watching him. They were no comfort to him, and he let a tear escape his eye. Where would he go? He had never really thought of heaven and hell, but now it was all he could think about. Surely he hadn't been so terrible; surely he wouldn't go to hell. However, he had abandoned his best friend in her time of need, what kind of man was that? What kind of good man watched his best friend descend to her lowest ebb? He deserved this, and he was sure of it.

"Fuck Ryan!" The female yelled, and he recognised her voice. Yes, she was no stranger, but who was she to him? He tried to think of when he'd heard that voice before, in the same urgent tone she was using now. She gasped every five minutes and kneeled down beside him, breaking down into sobs. She was simply a blur to him and he couldn't tell whether she knew he was still alive or not. He could barely move. "This wasn't supposed to happen! What the fuck did you do?"

"I fucking shot him, alright?" Ryan yelled defensively at the girl. Why was he being defensive like she was attacking him for a crime he hadn't committed? Did he think this was okay? Chad prayed for the strength to hurt him, but he couldn't even move his hands any longer. They were frozen on his wound, and despite the fact that they felt ice cold, his blood was so warm. It was disturbing how comforting hisown blood was at that moment. "Portlyn, don't fucking lose your shit on me now!"

Portlyn? Portlyn! Yes, it was her, he could tell by the urgent tone in her voice. He had heard the same tone being used when they were in bed together. Why was she with Ryan? What wasn't supposed to happen? Had she been a part of his plan? What was his plan? Chad's brain ached with all the questions? Apparently he was losing the strength to think clearly? His mind couldn't formulate an answer to anything.

"I thought I was fucking him so that he'd forget about her!" Portlyn screamed, her voice choking with tears. "You weren't supposed to shoot him! I was keeping him away from her!"

"Apparently you didn't keep him away for long!" Ryan yelled back and then he heard a slapping noise, like a fish flapping about out of water. When he heard Portlyn wince, he knew that her face had met some of his wrath. She had been using him? She had been a ploy in the demise of Sonny Munroe? HE had played a part in the demise of Sonny Munroe? How could he have been so stupid? How could he have believed her? Why did he have to fall for her charms? It had all been a sick plot to ensure that he and Sonny never spoke again?

"You killed him!" Portlyn cried, kneeling down next to Chad. He could feel her hot breath against his cheek and he wondered whether his almost lifeless corpse was enough to induce her guilt. "You weren't supposed to do that! And your sister! You killed your own sister!"

"You don't watch your back you'll be next!" He threatened her, forcing her to her feet. He could only make out their silhouettes, but strangely enough he picked up on the guilt Portlyn was trying to suppress. "We have to get the hell out of here now before the damn cops come!"

"We have to at least call 911!" Portlyn insisted, but Ryan didn't enthuse over her suggestion, that much was obvious when he pushed her against the wall with all his might and held her by the neck. Chad could feel Portlyn's fear. He could feel her wondering whether she would be next. He wouldn't put anything past Ryan at this point, but he prayed he spared her. Portlyn was a bad seed, but she didn't deserve what he was enduring; no one did. Chad glanced at Keisha's lifeless body staring at him, as if pitifully looking at the only hope Sonny had fading away.

"They'll trace your voice and then we'll get arrested!" He told her, banging her head against the wall with his incredible strength. Chad heard her scream and although he didn't want to see her die, he couldn't help but feel a small sense of satisfaction. The woman had used him to destroy his best friend's life; he was allowed to hate her with all of his remaining being. "And don't think you'll get away with it Portlyn! I'll tell them that you know everything! If I go down, you can be fucking sure that you're going down with me!"

"CHAD!"

No, it couldn't be. Chad recognised the female's voice almost immediately and when he did his weak heart sank and he demanded why God had brought her here. He didn't want Sonny Munroe to actually be there to witness his death! He didn't want her to be near Ryan when he couldn't protect her. Of course Chad knew that she was already well aware of Ryan's violent nature, but he wanted to protect her from what he was truly capable of. If Chad was gone, then Ryan might kill Sonny too. No! He couldn't hurt her! He couldn't hurt her without Chad being there to do anything about it! No! This wasn't supposed to happen!

Chad's eyesight returned to him with the sound of her voice and he looked at the love of his life standing over him in shock, covering her mouth with her bony fingers. Sonny looked so pale and thin. When Chad laid eyes on her, he had to look at her twice. She was a shell of the woman he had fallen in love with. Her plump lips were deflated, her eyes had bags under them and had lost the sparkle he loved and she looked so sad. That was what he noticed most of all; the lack of hope radiating from her. Sonny had always been known for her optimistic attitude and bringing out the best in everyone, but it was gone. They were supposed to resurrect it together. It wasn't fair! He was supposed to save her! He wasn't supposed to leave her now!

"Sonny I-"Portlyn tried to speak, but Sonny held her hand up, her eyes watering and her face tightening with rage. She kneeled down next to her former best friend. Chad expected Ryan to say something, but it was as if time had stopped, because he and Portlyn both stood still and simply observed the scene in front of him. Was God granting Chad and Sonny an exclusive chance to say goodbye?

"Don't say a fucking word! Don't any of you say a fucking word!" She screamed furiously, and then Chad felt her take one of his hands and clasp it with hers. It didn't feel right spreading his blood onto her pale white hand, but she didn't seem to care. When Chad's wound was exposed, he should have cared about the wound, but instead he could only focus on Sonny's big brown eyes and the tears spilling on them.

"Sonny-"he managed to choke, but she placed her cold finger against his colder lips.

"No Chad, don't you say anything, okay?" She asked himsoftly, stroking his cheek. Her touch was a welcome cure for the small amount of pain he could feel. "Just you focus your energy on staying awake. You have to stay awake Chad, because I'm going to call for help, okay? I'm going to call an ambulance right now and then we can talk as much as you want to, okay?"

He could tell that she severely doubted what she was saying and he didn't want to admit that he had already given up hope on getting better. Chad couldn't wait for an ambulance; it was taking all the energy he had to remain awake now and if this was all he had then he couldn't stay silent. He had to be honest with her. He had to say what he had wanted to say for so long.

"I was coming to find you," he whispered, trying desperately to hold her hand, but it was difficult. He rejoiced inside when he managed to grasp her hand. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Sonny asked him, wiping her eyes with her free hand. "Chad, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who's sorry. This is all my fault."

"No it's not," Chad insisted, trying to add some authority to his voice. He couldn't leave Sonny thinking that his death was all because of her. No, nothing was her fault. If anything, it was all Chad's fault. He had given up on her. He had driven her away when he slept with Tawni. He had destroyed everything when they kissed that night. She had nothing to apologize for. "I don't want you thinking that! I can't die knowing-"

"Don't talk like you're dying Chad," Sonny begged him, throwing her arms around her, staining her outfit with his blood, but she didn't even care. Her warm breath against his face was like a ray of sunshine and he could feel her short breaths as she sobbed on his chest. "You can't leave me now. You're supposed to help me Chad. You're supposed to help me get away from this terrible place."

"I love you," he told her, a tear escaping his eye. He had wanted to say it for so long and he didn't realise how long it had been suffocating him until he finally said it. His body felt free of a burden it had been carrying for such a long time.

"I love you too," she sobbed, and she touched his lips softly with hers. They felt so nice and her touch was restoring his strength, but it was too late. Nothing could restore his life and he despised it! He didn't want to end things this way! He didn't want to end things at all! "It was all a lie Chad. I lied to you for so long. I built up a world of magic, but it wasn't real. I was lying to myself. I know I was wrong, so you have to live! You have to live so that I can make it up to you! You have to live!"

"You don't need me," Chad insisted. Sonny had to make it on her own. It wasn't Chad's choice, but she couldn't stay in the predicament she was in now. She had to realise that she was strong enough. She didn't need Chad, but it still pained him knowing that he didn't have a choice in the matter. He had never had a choice in the matter. "Munroe, I wasn't lying when I said you...could...pick yourself up...again."

"Chad, please don't go," Sonny pleaded with him, as if he had a choice in the matter. If he had a choice, then he would have taken a gun and shot Ryan at that very moment. He would have then taken her into his arms and held her so closely. He couldn't even fucking hold her! It wasn't fair! "Please don't leave me."

It was at that moment that Chad felt his eyes desperate to close. He had fought for so long to keep them open, but he could barely fight anymore. Slowly Sonny's voice sounded further and further away, and he was losing sight of her within seconds. However, he wasn't afraid.

"Chad, stay awake," someone whispered in his ear, but it wasn't Sonny. He couldn't tell who it was, because all he could feel was darkness. All he could see was darkness. Everything around him was black and he couldn't even hear Sonny any longer. Chad wanted to wake up, but he couldn't stop himself from wishing sleep either. It would be the greatest sleep of his life. When he thought about it, his eyes closed tighter and tighter.

Until he was gone.

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Author's Note: What did I just do? I'm so sorry guys! I guess we're all wondering now; will Sonny ever be free of Ryan's hold on her? Will she pick herself up just like Chad knows she can? Thanks for reading, and I ask you to continue this story despite what I have done. It's not over till it's over! Let me know what you all think =]**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: I have a sickness or something, because I literally couldn't wait till Friday to post this. I know you all waited months and months for an update so this must be a nice change. I can't begin to apologize for what I did at the end of the last chapter, but I promise things will get better. Thanks again for the amazing support, your words always make my day =]. Please continue to do what you do and enjoy!**

Sonny often dreamt of the one night that had changed the course of her and Chad's lives forever. The dream was always the same. It always began at the exact moment when they were standing in their pre-war apartment with the moon providing the only light and making his sparkling eyes stand out more. She'd heard it was significant dreaming about the exact same thing, but she didn't need to hear from an expert why that night meant so much to her.

"Then please, Chad?" she whispered. She felt like herself again when she was looking into his eyes that night. She felt like the woman she used to be before she had messed everything up. Even though Sonny was looking into his eyes in that dream, she still felt like a third party that had no control over what anyone said. She pleaded with herself to stop. It shouldn't have been that way. It shouldn't have happened like that.

"No," he firmly replied, his patience running out. If she had only known then what she knew now, she would have relented and agreed to simply go to bed and put the whole terrible situation behind her, but Sonny Munroe used to be a stubborn person.

"Why not?" Sonny demanded, ripping away from his grasp.

"Because I love you!" Chad yelled at her. "I'm not going to be some sick jerk who takes advantage of a girl when she drunk, only to have her regret it the next morning! Sonny, you don't want this, it'll fuck everything up when you realize what you did; what I did!"

Sonny stared up at him, brow furrowed in confusion. She didn't want to admit it, but when he said those three words to her, she felt her stomach explode into triumphant fireworks, a reaction she blamed the alcohol for. If only she knew that the alcohol had nothing to do with it. Had he said it when they were both sober, she would have reacted in the exact same way. The third party inside her screamed for her to reply to him, but she felt like she had no control over her own body.

"You…love me?" Chad nodded. "Since when?"

"About a year?" he told her, sighing. He had been hoping she'd have forgotten it in the morning, she could tell by the awkward look in his eyes. Chad hadn't meant to tell her like that. She knew that he had probably wanted to tell her amist roses and a romantic picnic or something to that effect. It was her who had made him tell her the way he did. Even looking back, it was still all her fault.

"Hmm. You love me." She played with this thought for a while. The Sonny who had no control begged her former self to say it back.

"Tell him you love him too!" She screamed, but her former self didn't seem to be aware of anything she was saying. Things would end the way they had ended that night and it made her despise herself. She couldn't even have what she wanted in her ssubconscious.

The brunette walked over to him, slowly wrapping her arms around his neck. Her eyes bore into his blue ones, as if making sure he was telling the truth. When he didn't move, she slowly pressed her lips to his, her fingers playing with the baby hairs at the nape of his neck.

When Sonny pulled away, she looked up at Chad, her eyes wide with amazement. When she looked into his eyes, she knew immediately that he thought she felt the same way. The third party inside of her begged her to say the words. She couldn't bear to watch it. Chad looked so vulnerable and there she was taking advantage of him because she wanted to experiment with something. Why hadn't she just said it? Why did she have to be so fucking proud? Look where it had gotten her.

"I love you," Chad whispered again, kissing her lips tenderly before pulling back and looking into her eyes.

"I love you too!" Sonny finally managed to scream, but it was too late. When she looked aroumd, she was lying in the bed she shared with Ryan in her post-war apartment. There was no moon shining into it, which was probably a good thing considering it would only reflect leftover lines of coke and endless bottles of vodka she'd seeked solace in since saying goodbye to Chad just three days before.

Sonny hated reflecting on the moment she lost Chad Dylan Cooper forever. She used to vodka and drugs to block out the pain she felt and to stop her mind replaying it, but it seemed her mind enjoyed this torture. Her mind had only been good to her in the sense that she could only recall minor things, like a dream she had been trying to recollect. She could still feel his ice cold lips against hers, she could still taste his blood in her mouth, and she could still feel his cool breath against her skin and the sound of his tired voice. She could hear him saying those three words again and her reply that had come too late. His hands were covered in both his and Keisha's blood and she still felt like her hands reeked of both their deaths. It was her fault. It was all her fault. Chad shouldn't have died with his back against a dirty concrete wall and slouched down on a dusty floor. The least she could've done was to ensure that he died somewhere with dignity, but Ryan didn't allow her to move him after he passed.

"Come back! Come back to me!" She had screamed when he closed his eyes and breathed his last. She shook him violently as if the harder the shake, the better chance it would bring him back. It didn't work, his floppy hair swayed and his head shook with her force, but his eyes did not open and he never breathed again. She kept saying the same words over and over again. She kept begging him to come back and promising him everything, but it was no use. He was gone. He had left her all alone in the world.

"Sonny, we have to get out of here!" Ryan had told her softly, trying to grab her arm, but she pulled away. She was desperate to cling onto the one thing that connected her to her past. Chad was the only thing she had left of the woman she used to be and she refused to let him go. When she buried herself into Chad's lifeless body, she heard Ryan cock his gun and then the cool surface of metal scrape against her head, moving her chocolate coloured hair.

"You might as well just do it," Sonny hissed, gripping Chad's hand. The pain she felt was indescribable and she imagined the only cure for it was death. She had never considered the prospect of death as an escape before, when she was happy. She actually used to fear and she used to pray that she lived a long and happy life, but now the idea of death seemed wonderful and a reward for the despicable existence she had led for the past year.

Ryan could tell his girlfriend was serious, so he pulled the gun away and when Sonny looked again he was holding Portlyn close to him and pointing the gun to the side of her head. Portlyn's eyes were so wide with fright and innocence that she could have fooled anyone into thinking that she hadn't been involved in his terrible plan. Sonny had read about the public affair between Chad Dylan Cooper and Portlyn, but she didn't realise that Ryan had composed it all. She didn't realise that the man she was with was more than just a junkie. He was a mastermind of the evil kind. He would shoot Portlyn; there was no doubt about it. Sonny didn't even want to save the damn girl's life, because she had been a part of Ryan's sick game. She had manipulated Chad into thinking that she actually cared about him. Chad had died knowing that the people he trusted most had betrayed him and Sonny wondered whether allowing Portlyn to die would be some sort of penance for hurting Chad in the first place. But maybe she just wanted something to distract her from the fact that there were two bodies lying in the hallway and it was all because of her. Did she really want a third fatality when it wasn't going to be her? What chance did she have against Ryan anyway? Clearly the heavens were trying to tell her something by eliminating the only two people that had her best interests at heart. Sonny Munroe had made her bed, and now she had to lie in it.

Ryan told the cops that his sister had attacked him when he was coming home because she was high and her moodswings were especially violent when she was intoxicated. Portlyn and Sonny stood by him and Sonny was forced to remain frozen when the poison was spouting from his mouth. Ryan told the cops that he had accidentally pushed her down the stairs, fearing that she might kill him. He sounded so believable, and Sonny had to marvel at what great skills he might have at an actor. His eyes watered and he portrayed the guilty brother marvellously. She thought the cops might be suspicious considering his history with drugs and alcohol, but they patted his shoulder and sighed when he told him that his sister had murdered Chad Dylan Cooper just moments before he walked in fearing that he would take Sonny away from her.

"My sister relied on Sonny and she was scared that Chad was coming to take her away," Ryan told them, his eyes watering. Sonny and Portlyn both looked straight ahead, warned that if they dared look at the floor they would give away everything. Ryan promised the both of them that if he went down, he would take them both with him. "Isn't that right Sonny?"

"Yeah," Sonny made herself say. She wondered whether Chad would be disappointed in her, but he was gone so she had no choice but to ensure her pointless survival. She didn't need the whole world to know that America's Heartthrob was dead because of her. "I came in and found them both…I didn't-"

The tears were real. Sonny wasn't simply crying to make her story seem more authentic, she was crying because she was genuinely devastated that she would live with the image of Chad and Keisha's lifeless bodies for the rest of her life, knowing that she might have saved them. The policewoman soothed her and assured her that everything would be alright and Sonny wanted to believe her. Sonny wanted to believe that everything would be alright, but she wasn't naïve. She knew that this was the beginning of life as she would have to know it.

Ryan never heard Sonny when she woke up screaming. For the third night in a row, he had filled his body with so many toxins that he was dead to the world. Sleeping in the same bed as him made her vomit every night, knowing that Chad wasn't around any longer because of the result of his trigger. She wondered whether his dreams were haunted by those big blue eyes or the piercing scream his sister no doubt let out when he pushed her to her death. Sonny watched him sleep, because when she woke up, she didn't want to sleep again. She didn't want to dream about what had happened, what she had allowed to happen. Ryan slept so peacefully, the way she used to sleep when she wasn't plagued with guilt and regret. How could he be so calm about the fact that he had destroyed the lives of everyone around him and eliminated two lives completely?

"I'm getting out of LA before he comes for me," Portlyn told her the next day when Ryan was out for some 'groceries'. She didn't know why he continued to lie to her when she knew that he was visiting an old friend with more toxins to fill their bodies with. Sonny wanted to give up the life she had been leading, but when Chad died she just didn't see the point. "I can't live here knowing what I know, so I'm leaving. You should come with me."

"I can't," Sonny shook her head, edging away from Portlyn. When Sonny looked at the TV that had been playing all day, she noticed that today was the day Chad Dylan Cooper was being buried into the ground. Portlyn turned round and came face to face with the memory she too had been trying to forget for three days. Sonny pitied her more than she hated her now; she didn't know what she had allowed herself into. She had entered the plan with the sole purpose to drive Chad Dylan Cooper away from reason and was now leaving with a guilty conscience and a heavy heart. "It should have been me."

"Don't say that," Portlyn sighed, taking her hand. Didn't she realise that she wasn't the first girl to try and get through to Sonny? Keisha had tried too, and look how her life ended! Sonny Munroe was poison and if Portlyn was leaving she had to leave alone before she destroyed it. "I wish you would leave with me. I don't think I can live with myself knowing I'm leaving you with…him."

"Try to," Sonny simply replied, shrugging her shoulders. "We're both living with a lot worse."

"Sonny, I just want you to know that I didn't-"

"You didn't expect any of it to happen?" Sonny finished, looking up at Portlyn, who looked at the floor with so much guilt on her porcelain face. "Well it did Portlyn and there's nothing that can be done about it now."

Sonny imagined that the girl was looking for someone to share her deepest darkest regrets with, but she couldn't quite fraternise with the girl that had used her friend with absolutely no concern for his feelings. Didn't she know that Sonny was already responsible for that? It was difficult looking at Portlyn, because she reflected so many of her mistakes. Not another word was exchanged between the girls and Sonny watched her walk out of the door and escape from the life Sonny was left to lead with Ryan. It was her own doing though, she had to remember that.

Sonny wasn't going to attend Chad's funeral, especially not the burial site that was restricted to close friends and family, but she found herself standing in the cemetery at the very back with dark oversized sunglasses on and a black frock that looked like everyone else's. She thought it might be easier attending the small burial instead of the mass that was being attended for thousands, but it wasn't. Sonny was face to face with the people who loved him most in the world. At least the fans would move onto another blonde haired and blue eyed boy wonder, his family and friends would always remember how they lost Chad so young. Did they believe Ryan's story? Or did they know that it was Sonny's fault he was being laid to rest under the age of 25?

"I'm sorry," she whispered over and over again, looking at the coffin being lowered to the ground. She watched Tawni Hart being comforted by both Lucy and his mother. Tawni really was a fabulous actress, because Sonny knew that she didn't love Chad half as much as she pretended to that day. She wailed just like the widowed girlfriend was expected to, but she was probably crying at how much she had lost because of his death. It was Chad's mother Sonny felt the worst looking at. The woman comforted the girl that might have been her daughter in law, but when she looked into her eyes, Sonny saw a broken woman. Was she wishing she could have told him one last time she loved him? Sonny had robbed a woman of her son and future grandchild. Why did she even bother coming?

"I can't," Sonny whispered, looking up to the sky. She didn't know whether Chad could hear her, but she needed to think that he might understand why she couldn't watch him being taken away from her forever. She took one last look at the faces surrounding her and then started walking away, allowing herself to break down into sobs. Unfortunately her sudden movement attracted attention from the cemetary and when Sonny looked, she saw Lucy walking in her direction. No, Sonny couldn't possibly face another disagreement with the girl she used to call her best friend. Lucy once said to her that she was a terrible human being for what she had done to Chad after sleeping with him, what would she think now?

"Sonny, is that you?" Lucy asked, being followed by Chad's mother. Sonny couldn't speak to his mother, that was for sure. She didn't answer the question and instead continued walking, but Lucy, in the heat of desperation, grabbed her skinny arm and forced Sonny to face her direction. It was so painful for Sonny to see her very best friend look at her the way Lucy did. She looked at Sonny like she was looking at a lost child or a stray pet; she looked so disillusioned and surprised at the girl she once thought was the strongest woman in the world. "I didn't think you would come."

"I'm leaving," Sonny insisted, just as Chad's mother joined them. Their conversation was being had behind a large oak tree, but she couldn't escape the curiousity of those who were supposed to be paying attention to Chad's burial. She couldn't leave, because Lucy was blocking one exit and Chad's mother was blocking the other. "Please, I thought I would come and pay my respects without disturbing anyone. I'm sorry you saw me."

"You don't need to hide away," Chad's mother said to her softly, trying to take her arm, but Sonny edged it away. Her arms had held a dying Chad in them just a few days before and Sonny would be damned if she let his mother hold her affectionately. She didn't deserve anyaffection and how dare she be showed it. Didn't Clara know what Sonny had been involved in? She was a mess and she especially shouldn't have been talking to her.

"Sonny, I know that things have been said, but I want you to know that I'm so sorry for all of it," Lucy whispered to her, her eyes welling up with tears. Why was she apologizing? It wasn't her fault! "Chad's gone and I don't want to lose you too. Will you please stay? We can talk about it."

"I don't think we can," Sonny shook her head. No, she couldn't build bridges with the people she had hurt the most. "I already said I'm sorry I even came, so please let me go."

"Sonny, what happened to you?" Clara asked, taking her hand and this time Sonny let her. She wanted to pull away, but she hadn't been comforted like this since Chad held her hand before his passing. She hadn't been asked what happened to her in a long time. It seemed that the people who truly cared for Sonny were the ones she hurt.

"It's too late," Sonny whispered, letting go of the woman's hand and pushing past the two of them. She remembered the day she had met Clara with little Julia. She remembered standing in her bedroom consumed with the guilt that had plagued her existence for a year now. She remembered how she had almost told Clara and how much she wished Chad hadn't entered the room at that moment. The memories haunted her everyday and she couldn't bear to tell Clara the truth now when the consequences of her actions had taken Chad's life.

"Sonny!" Lucy tried to yell desperately, but it was no use, she was already gone.

When Sonny returned home, Ryan was already there sitting in the living room with a jont. He had his eyes closed, but she could tell from his smirk that he was wide awake. Was he picturing the moment he killed Keisha and Chad? Was he enjoying it? Sonny didn't put it past him. Ever since he had murdered them both, she had been walking around him like she was skating on thin ice. She didn't want him to lose his temper, because she was convinced that with Portlyn gone, she was his possible next victim. He opened his eyes and beckoned her over. It sickened Sonny wrapping her arms around him and touching his lips when his hands were responsible for two deaths and his mouth was responsible for all the lies that she believed.

"Why don't you hold me like you used to?" Ryan asked her, as if everything he had done to her and to everyone she knew didn't matter. She had watched TV shows about sociopaths, but she didn't think that she would have ever loved one, although she didn't think she had ever truly loved Ryan.

"I'm sorry," she forced herself to say and then she forced her lips to touch his again and tried not to screw her face up in disgust. She wanted to vomit when he stroked her hair with those guilt stained hands that had held a gun and pushed Keisha down the stairs with all their might. Ryan smiled, and then he turned round and bent down near the sofa. Sonny noticed the shiny piece of metal sticking out of his back pocket and gasped; she didn't know he also carried a knife with him. She had to restrain herself from changing her expression when he turned round and presented her with a bag of white pills.

"I got these from a doctor friend of mine," he told her, smirking. Ryan knew that he was manipulating her further and gaining more control over her, but Sonny was powerless to resist. How wonderful would it be not feeling how she did any longer? As soon as she saw the pills, she knew exactly what she wanted to do. "I've noticed that you've been a little uptight lately and I wanted to help you."

"Thank you baby," Sonny smiled and she almost meant it when she kissed him.

He told her that he wanted to go out alone that night and she was free to engage in whatever activity she wanted to so long as it didn't involve another man. When Ryan left that night, he didn't realise that it might be the last time he laid eyes on the supposed love of his life. Sonny watched him from the window in her nightgown and closed the curtains the moment he was out of sight.

She ran herself a bath and turned on some calming music. Her heart had been racing since he handed her the pills and her mind had gone into overdrive. She walked into their bedroom and examined herself in the mirror: her wrinkled face, tired eyes, tired skin, deflated lips and abused arms. Sonny tried not to dwell on what she hated about herself as she applied some make-up, something she hadn't done in days now. She had stopped caring about her appearance a long time ago and this was the first time she had actually wanted to look beautiful for a long time. She applied ruby red lipstick on her lips, making them look plump like they used to and immediately inducing a smile on her face. She applied pale looking concealer and dark eye make-up just like she used to. Next she took off her clothes and refused to acknowledge the scar on her stomach that she couldn't make disappear no matter how hard she tried. She took a deep breath and then walked into the bathroom.

The water was wonderfully warm and she felt relaxed when she laid down in it, closing her eyes for just a minute. She took another deep breath and then reached for the bag of pills before filling an empty glass with cold water from the tap. She didn't even think when she poured all of the pills into her hand.

She didn't even think when she forced them all into her mouth and washed them down with the water. She simply laid back and waited.

"I'll be seeing you," she whispered, before closing her eyes.

**Author's Note: Remember how I said that things would get better? Well I promise they will…eventually. Please let me know what you think =]**


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Wow, I was literally not expecting a couple of the reviews I got. I probably should have, because I did kill Chad and let's assume that I have killed Sonny. All I can say is that things will get better and that's all, because I'm as subtle as a brick and it would give it all away if I said anymore. I'm so upset, because I accidentally deleted the super long chapter 15 so I'm rewriting it. I've decided to split it into 2 separate and slightly shorter chapters. This being part 1. I'm going out with some of the friends tomorrow so that is why I am gracing you with this update as the next sadly won't be till at least Sunday =[. I should probably also let you know that the next chapter is going to be the 2****nd**** last chapter. I'm sad to end this too =[. So please read/review/favourite! Also, have a little faith in me annd enjoy! =]**

The water was wonderfully warm and she felt relaxed when she laid down in it, closing her eyes for just a minute. She took another deep breath and then reached for the bag of pills before filling an empty glass with cold water from the tap. She didn't even think when she poured all of the pills into her hand.

She didn't even think when she forced them all into her mouth and washed them down with the water. She simply laid back and waited.

"I'll be seeing you," she whispered, before closing her eyes.

"No! Don't do it! Don't do it Sonny!" Chad Dylan Cooper screamed, banging his fists against the glass pane even though he knew that she couldn't hear him. He watched her lie down in the bath, closing her eyes with a small smile in her face. It was a sight he couldn't bear to see. He was told that his presence in her life now was nothing more than invisible and that he couldn't change what was meant to be. He had accepted it before, but he couldn't accept it when she was slowly destroying her life. He couldn't accept it when it seemed he had died for no good reason.

When Chad had woken up from the greatest sleep in his life, he was in a dark room with only the company of an older man who stood watching what was happening through the glass pane that Chad had focused on since he had been told that he could. He didn't know where he was and when he asked the man, he simply told him that he was to watch. He wasn't told the point of the exercise, he wasn't told where he was going and whether the religious people or the athiests had been correct, although he assumed there was something beyond the cemetery considering this abnormal existence he seemed to be leading.

"There's nothing you can do," the man told him softly, without even an ounce of remorse on his face. Chad continued to bang against the walls with force, hoping that she might hear his voice if she listened hard enough, but Sonny seemed to have turned her mind off to everything. He could hear the phone ringing in her post-war apartment, but she seemed to have fallen unconscious at this point. Surely someone would save her. Surely she wouldn't die. She couldn't die.

Chad had watched everyone since his passing. He didn't find it difficult at first. He didn't find it difficult watching the news coverage of his passing. He didn't find it difficult watching his fans mourn his passing, if anything that made him honoured. He didn't find it difficult watching their faces crumble into tears when they read of his death or watched it on the news.

Chad had to admit that the pain inside of him increased when he watched his mother learn about his death. She had been in the living room of her home in the large red armchair that used to belong to his father before he passed away and she was reading her favourite novel. He tried to bang against the window pane when she heard the news and he couldn't bear to watch it when she collapsed into tears in his sister's arms. He hadn't thought of anyone when he passed away and he immediately felt selfish when he watched his mother fall apart in front of him. She was old, yet she was burying her youngest son. She was burying a child and he hadn't even considered her when he had been shot by Ryan.

The worst thing of all was watching Sonny Munroe's reaction to his passing. When he passed away, she kept on whispering for him to come back to her. She begged him over and over again and he could feel her soft breath in his ear, and he could hear her repeating the same words over again. He was desperate to return to her, but when he looked at the man standing next to him, he simply looked straight ahead without even a hint of sympathy in his eyes. Chad was forced to watch her stand up forcefully after Ryan pointed his gun at her and when she told him that he might as well grant her the same respect he had granted Chad, Chad felt his heart pound. When Ryan turned his gun on someone else, realising that she wanted to die, he was relieved. She had been spared at that moment.

When Chad watched as Ryan lied to the police about Keisha's involvement, rage boiled inside of him. He didn't think that he could feel any negative feelings, but they were somehow intensified. He wanted Sonny to tell the truth, but when he looked at her, she was like a lost child looking at all the adults, hoping that one of them would realise she needed help. She mostly stared at the ground, hiding away her tired eyes and her bruised face. She only looked the policeman in the eye when she had to lie about what happened to both Chad and Keisha. He could tell by her glimmering eyes and low voice that she hated doing it. Sonny Munroe was not a liar and having to do it destroyed her every single time.

After that he was forced to endure the dreams she had every night. When they were friends and living in their pre-war apartment, Chad would always comfort Sonny after a crippling nightmare. He would hear her crying out in the next room and no matter whether he had been in a deep sleep or not he would run into her room and take her into his arms. He loved it. He loved holding her so close to him because he would close his eyes and imagine what it was like being like this all the time. Sonny would nestle into his arms until she was asleep again and Chad would be able to tell her that he loved her in her sleep. He did it every time and every time he said it, he longed for her to say it back to him, but she never did. Why was it that the one time she said it back to him, he wasn't there to appreciate it? It seemed like a cruel trick played by fate.

She woke up screaming to a dark apartment without even the moon to comfort her. Ryan couldn't comfort anyone in his comatozed state and Sonny was left alone in her room without anyone to tell her it would be alright. Chad tried to tell her, but his voice couldn't be heard, not even in her subconscious. He longed to be awake so that he could take her into his arms once more, but fate was cruel.

When Sonny attended his funeral, he begged her to listen to his mother and allow someone to help her, but she didn't. Why was she so plagued with guilt when it wasn't her fault any of it happened? Why was she so full of regret? Chad didn't blame her and he knew that his family and friends didn't blame her either? Why wouldn't she listen to anyone? When Lucy tried to talk to her and his mother tried to take her arm, he could tell that she was touched by their kind words and concern for her. No one had shown Sonny so much concern in a long time and she missed it. Chad thought that it might be a turning point, but when Sonny brushed past them, poisoned by her guilt and paranoia, he banged his fists against the glass in frustration.

When Ryan handed her those pills, Chad knew immediately what she was going to do. He could tell by the relief on her face and the small smile that spread across her deflated lips. She looked at the pills so hopefully and when Chad witnessed his worst fears confirmed, that was when he finally lost his temper. Sonny Munroe wasn't meant to die simply because Chad wasn't there any longer! She was supposed to pick herself up again! Why hadn't she picked herself up again? She wasn't meant to depend on anyone for her happiness! This wasn't how it was meant to be!

"She can't die!" He insisted to the man, watching Sonny's life slowly slip away from her. "She's supposed to pick herself up again! This can't be happening! She can't do this!"

"Why is it such a bad thing Chad?" The man asked, his hands behind his back. How could he even ask that question? Chad was about to reply with a profanity, but he was stopped before he could utter a word. "I know that you love her and that you've been dying to be with her since, well, since you met. You'll finally be reunited with her here. Isn't that what you want?"

It was everything Chad wanted and the part of him that used to gaze at Sonny from afar, argue with her for the sheer thrill of it and hold her because he could get away with it begged him to consider it. Sonny and Chad would finally be together in a stress free environment and they would be happy, because she loved him. She had said it several times now and they wouldn't have to repress anything in the after life. Chad looked at the lifeless body and the amount of stressful situations their love would endure in life. Of course he wanted to be with her here. It was everyting he ever wanted. That was just it though; it was everything HE ever wanted. It wasn't about him.

"Sonny Munroe has so much potential," Chad sighed, making tiny shapes on the glass as he looked at her body. He couldn't see the dead body, he could only see the Sonny that he used to know and the girl he had loved unconditionally. "I love her and I want her more than anything, but she deserves everything. Being with me here isn't enough. She's the greatest person I know and you can't kill her! You just can't kill her!"

"Are you saying you would give up your happiness for hers?" The man asked.

"Without a doubt," Chad replied without any hesitation. Wasn't that what love was? Was love not meant to be about sacrificing your own happiness for the happiness of another? If so, then Chad was glad to do it. It would be a difficult after life and he couldn't imagine enduring watching her move on with her life, but he also couldn't imagine being so selfish and stifling her from experiencing the true recognition she deserved. Chad didn't want to let her go, because letting her go meant watching her fall in love with someone else, but he loved her too much to stifle her talent.

Chad was simply thinking about the way Sonny used to be and the amount of potential she had when the man walked up behind him. He turned around and then it all happened so quickly. The man took a deep breath, showing some empathy in his eyes and then he pushed Chad against the window pane, shattering the glass behind him. When Chad looked around him, the glass looked like a thousand shimmering stars.

And then there was darkness.

"Come back," Sonny's lowered voice whispered in his ear, the tingling feeling of her breath in his ear returning to him. At first she sounded like she was above the surface and he was underwater, but slowly her voice became clearer and he felt her desperate clutches on him. It pained him to hear her sobs and the desolate tone in her voice. He was desperate to assure her that he was alive. He was alive. "Come back to me."

Chad felt like he had been drowning and opening his eyes was like finally being taken out of the water. When he opened his sky blue eyes, he inhaled as much air as he could. He felt like he was being suffocated and it took him several minutes to breathe normally again. Suddenly he felt the pain of his wound return to him, taking over his whole body with an agonising sensation that had crippled his legs. He could feel his blood in his hands and the sickening scent of the metallic blood washed over him again. He felt incredibly weak again, but when he looked at Sonny, she could barely keep the smile from her face. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she clasped his hands and tried not to break down into sobs again.

"You came back," she managed to whisper, touching his lips with hers for just a few short seconds. He closed his eyes and the thrill of kissing her returned to him with full force. It was a force stronger than any bullet.

The kiss was cut short due to the sound of Ryan cocking his gun and pointing it to the back of her head.

TO BE CONTINUED…

**Author's Note: See! I told you that it would get better. The whole thing with Chad had actually been planned for a while and was not a last minute decision because I regretted killing him off. I thought the near-death experience would be cool. Plus, I've already killed Chad in another fic and it isn't a fun thing to do. So, let me know what you all think =]**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: So we come to the 2****nd**** last chapter of this story and I can't help but feel a little sad that it's coming to an end. I mean, we started this story in January and now it's actually almost over. Thanks so much for the wonderful reviews. They made me smile and gave me motivation to write more. The last chapter should be up by the end of this week at the very latest. So, please do what you've been doing the whole time because it works. Please enjoy! =]**

Sonny Munroe truly believed that someone pointing the barrel of a gun towards your head could actually be considered worse than being shot. She didn't know what would happen next and judging by the behaviour of her former lover it could go either way. When she heard the gun cock in her direction, she felt her body tense up and watched the intense look of horror spread across Chad's face. Once, Sonny would have considered asking Ryan to shoot the damn thing. In fact, moments earlier when she thought that her best friend was gone, she thought about the possibility of joining him. It was a thought that passed through her mind with such temptation that had he not breathed again then she might have actually said it. Now that he was alive again, Sonny couldn't imagine leaving him now. She couldn't leave him now! Not when things were turning back to the way they were, or at least allowing them to reconcile.

"Why the hell is he alive?" Ryan asked, the panic setting in. He had spent the last few minutes indulging in satisfaction and relief. He thought that his tracks were fully covered, but Chad's consciousness had ruined that. Sonny turned around, unwilling to face the gun with her eyes, and when she did, she came face to face with the black hole that had almost destroyed Chad's life with what came out of it. She didn't know what to say. What could she say? She wished to God that he hadn't been so loud and that she hadn't been so joyful. He couldn't play dead now and she was powerless. She couldn't stop him.

"Back pocket," Chad finally managed to whisper, blood spilling out of his mouth. Sonny turned around again and edged in so that her ear was close to his lips. He repeated the same words and she couldn't understand it. She began to worry that she only had minutes left until Chad was gone again. He might have returned to her, but there was no question that he needed urgent medical attention. His face was ghostly white and the emergence of blood from his mouth only made the sight of him look more unsettling. "Check his back pocket."

"What the fuck is the hold up here Sonny?" Ryan asked aggressively, his hands shaking as he pointed the gun towards her. Since she had been with Ryan, Sonny had realised just how much she despised guns; they were cold like insects and even the sight of one in the room made her fear for her life. Guns took everything away from her. It was a gun that stole her father away from her and it was a gun that almost stole Chad Dylan Cooper from her. "Move out of the way so I can kill him! He can't live!"

"Please don't!" Sonny cried out, imagining the scene unfolding towards her eyes. She had witnessed Chad enduring the aftermath of the shooting, but she didn't think that she could endure watching it happen before her eyes. She could imagine the pain expressing in his eyes, his agonising yelp and the sound of his heart stopping its beat once again. She stood up, blocking Chad, tears running down her face and courage she wasn't so certain she had. "You can't! He won't tell anyone! We can just go and-"

"I don't want you being with him Sonny!" Ryan yelled, his furious voice echoing throughout the hallway. The gun was still shaking and Portlyn was just standing there with her hands covered over her mouth. He stepped forward and cupped Sonny's face with his hands, the gun dangling in Chad's direction. Chad could barely move; he could only watch it. She wanted to move, but she feared that her sudden movements would provoke Ryan into doing the one thing she was trying to stop. "You belong with me! You've never belonged with him! He doesn't understand you like I do! He doesn't know your secret like I do!"

Sonny couldn't speak. No, he didn't just say that. Now it was her turn to cover her mouth. She had wanted to tell Chad in a quieter environment and preferrably when he wasn't close to death. Chad looked at her with a curious expression and she knew that she was only fuelling his suspicions when she couldn't even reply to Ryan. She clutched her stomach, because the scar was suddenly painful again after so many months of being dormant. She felt like it had started bleeding again, reveealing the one thing Chad should never have known. Ryan looked at her with a triumphant expression on his face, knowing that exposing her weakness would create the distraction that he needed to finish his job.

"Ryan, come on," Portlyn suddenly said, with a soft tone in her voice. "Why don't we get out of here now, huh? We can leave right now and those two can be left to deal with the consequences." She tugged at Ryan's arm and eventually he turned away from Chad, the gun dangling to his side now.

"Are you fucking crazy?" Ryan snapped at her, holding up his hand like he was about to strike her. As she screamed in defence that was when Sonny noticed the knife sticking out of his back pocket. When she first saw it, she gasped and covered her mouth. Why hadn't she noticed it before? She turned to Chad and suddenly she realised what he had been trying to tell her before. He was losing consciousness again and before Sonny could allow herself to start worrying about the status of her friend; she grabbed the knife from Ryan's back pocket. He didn't notice and only continued to yell at Portlyn, who was cowering in a corner. Apparently the girl could do a lot more than cry and hide in the background.

"Baby, it's okay," she said, imitating Portlyn's soft tone. Ryan turned and the moment he faced her, Sonny wrapped her arms around him tightly. She didn't want him to think that she was welcoming the idea of killing Chad Dylan Cooper. She felt sick when her arms touched the body of a killer; the lump in her throat grew higher, her heart started pounding and she felt dreadful that Chad had to watch this embrace. She prayed that he knew she wasn't serious. She prayed that he understood exactly what she planned to do. "You don't have to hurt her."

"I can't go to jail Sonny!" Ryan protested, grabbing her shoulders. She was uncomfortable with his tight grip and she could see Chad's protests from the corner of her eye. She slowly shook his grip off her and forced his arms around her body again, stroking his cheek and kissing him softly on the lips. It made her want to vomit and she hoped that he didn't see the tears in her eyes. "My dad went to jail! He died in there Sonny! We have to kill Chad! If I go down, don't you dare think I won't take you with me!"

Sonny did it before he could even entertain the thought of killing Chad at that moment. When she heard him say that they HAD to kill Chad, Sonny plunged the knife deep into his stomach just as he was about to turn around and finish the job. In the movies, the killers always looked like they got some secret thrill from stabbing their victims, but when Sonny stabbed Ryan, she didn't feel anything; only guilt.

Ryan remained standing for a few seconds after. The moment Sonny pulled the knife out, the unsettling noise of metal piercing through his flesh echoing in her ear, he held his hand over his wound and cried out when he saw his blood on his hand. Sonny could feel his blood leaking onto her hands as she held the knife. At first she didn't look at him, but she couldn't ignore him when he fell to the ground. She was taller than him for once in her life. Sonny had always looked up to Ryan, even when she stood up and he sat down. His power had had manipulated her and now that their roles had been reversed, she felt strange. She felt sick knowing what she did to him, but she didn't want to admit that she also felt some kind of thrill when she dug deeper into her brain. This was the man that had taken her away from the ones she loved when she was vulnerable. This was the man that had encouraged all of the dangerous toxins she filled her body with. This was the man that had killed his sister and almost killed her best friend. Why did she feel guilty when he had this coming? Sonny felt guilty because, no matter what Ryan had done he was now facing death and it was all because of her.

"Why?" He finally managed to choke, covering his stomach. When Sonny looked up, she saw that Portlyn was slowly backing away from the situation. When she caught Sonny's glance, she stopped immediately. Sonny considered demanding that she stay until the very end. Her feelings towards Portlyn had hardened and when she looked into her eyes, at first all she could see were all the lies and deceit. Perhaps if she'd stayed away from Chad, he wouldn't have been in his predicament. When Sonny looked deeper into her eyes, she saw that in fact, Portlyn was just a young woman involved in a terrible situation. She had always been in love with Chad; that much was obvious when they were teenagers. She might have entered his life under deceitful circumstances but she did love him. Sonny motioned for her to leave immediately and after a few seconds of tiptoeing away, Portlyn ran for her life. Sonny then looked at Ryan.

"Because death is too easy for you," she hissed, her fists clenched. She threw the knife in his direction and winced at the awful sound it made hitting against the hard ground. "I want to watch you die from the inside in that cell just like you watched your dad. Just like you watched me."

After that Sonny called the cops.

Chad woke up in a white room; there were white walls surrounding him, a white door, a white ceiling and his body was covered with a thin sheet. At first he thought that it all might have been a dream; he thought that perhaps he hadn't come back to life and that he was still stuck in that devilish after life. He could barely move due to the tubes sticking out of him, something he couldn't understand. His body was so weak that he couldn't even find the will to press his weight against his hand to sit up. One of his hands lay at his side, but he felt something warm against the other; something warm and soft that was stroking the surface. He opened his eyes further to see a blur or pink, purple and luminous blonde. He didn't have to guess who was in the room with him. So, it wasn't a dream then.

"Tawni?" He managed to whisper, but he could barely find the strength to say anything else. She leaned forward and as his eyesight became clearer, he saw how concerned she looked. "I didn't think you would come here."

"Well when they told me that you almost died it would look pretty bad to the tabloids if I didn't come and see how you were," she replied, but he could tell that she was lying. Despite the fact that their relationship had been built on a foundation of lies, jealousy and revenge, he knew her better than anyone. Tawni Hart was a proud woman and she would be damned if she admitted to caring for someone else.

"How long was I out?"

"Well I don't know, you left the house at – wait, you don't mean what time did you leave the apartment," she said, laughing nervously, but then she returned to her cold disposition. "I don't know, maybe about three days." Chad didn't need to say anything. All he had to do was narrow his eyes. "You've been in a coma for two days, eighteen hours and about five minutes...so I heard from a doctor."

"It was nice of you to come and see me," he replied, his voice sounding like it had been the victim of being ripped out. His voice sounded rugged and it was painful to speak. He knew what he had to say next and he thought it would have been easy, but looking into Tawni Hart's big eyes he was nervous. He thought that because she didn't act human most of the time that breaking any kind of bad news to her would be simple, but how wrong he was. "Look, I want to apologize for the way I-"

"The way you made me look like a total idiot?" She asked him, grimacing. But just like Tawni, she quickly returned to her cold demeanour and cleared her throat. "Listen Chad I simply came here to say that in light of everything that's happened with Sonny-"

"Oh my God Sonny!" Chad cried out, suddenly finding the strength to sit up. Where was she? Was she alright? Had she been arrested? Oh God, please don't let her have been arrested! He felt his heart rate speed up and when he tried to speak, his throat hurt more. Tawni gently laid him back down on the bed and soothed him softly, nodding her head towards the armchair next to the door. Sonny was sound asleep with a small blanket covering the nightgown the hospital had provided for her.

"I asked her if she wanted to borrow something a little nicer to wear from me, but obviously she's still a little mad," Tawni rolled her eyes and then she forced Chad to look at her again. "Anyway, as I was saying; considering you treated me so poorly for the past few weeks I am demanding that you object to doing any magazine or newspaper interviews about our break up. I have already promised 'People' magazine that I will speak to them and only them. If you even think of talking to someone I will ensure that my lawyer digs up every last piece of dirt on you and exposes them to every newspaper and magazine outlet in the world. Do you understand me?"

"I promise I won't say anything," Chad insisted and he was telling the truth. His relationship with Tawni hadn't brought him any joy and he was concerned about what the sleeping girl in the armchair would think if he spoke to any magazines about a split that didn't affect him in any way. All he cared about was Sonny Munroe and rebuilding the friendship that he thought they had lost.

"I thought so," Tawni said, before standing up and storming out of the hotel room. He could hear her high heels clipping against the floor with every step she took. He never saw her again and he was happy to say that it didn't matter to him.

Chad smiled when he saw that Tawni's heels had woken up Sonny. When she opened her eyes and saw that he was awake. Her heart pounded and she immediately took Tawni's place beside him. When he felt her hand stroking the surface of his, he knew that it had always belonged there. Her hand had always belonged on top of his. They had always belonged together.

"I thought I lost you again," she whispered and he saw that her big brown eyes were red and swollen from crying again. Chad hated knowing that she had been in any kind of pain and all he could do was wipe his tears away and smile reassuringly.

"Munroe, I told you that no matter how hard you tried you would never get rid of me," he smiled, but it was difficult to smile without wincing in pain. He managed it though, when he watched how it brought a small smile to Sonny's face. "And I meant it."

"I don't know what to say Chad," she said to him, looking away from him with shame. He took her other hand with his and forced her to look at him again. It hurt him to watch her face crumpling into tears when there was nothing he could do about it. "It's my fault you're here and it's my fault you almost died in the first place. I don't know what-"

"Don't say that," Chad insisted, cupping her chin with his hand. The hot tears that fell from her cheek felt like they burned his hand. She bit her lip nervously and rested her head on his chest like she used to, careful not to disturb the tubes keeping him alive. It felt so right when he held her like this. It felt so right when he could smell her hair and feel her breathing. He never wanted it to change. "I don't want you feeling guilty."

"I can't help myself," she told him quietly and he heard her sob a little. "I told the cops that Ryan was going to kill us and I had to act in self defence. I hated myself for lying."

"But you didn't lie," he assured her, kissing her forehead. Her skin felt so soft against his lips, another thing that felt so right. He never wanted to be parted from her again. Chad Dylan Cooper would do whatever it took to make her well again. "You did the right thing. I don't want you blaming yourself. Promise me you're going to convince yourself you did the right thing."

"I can try," she promised him, kissing him on the cheek. When he looked at her again, he saw that her face was crumpling into tears again. She looked away from him in a pitiful attempt to hide her anguish, but he put his arms around her regardless and then she took a deep breath. "Do you remember Ryan saying that he knew a secret of mine that no one else did?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Chad replied, shrugging his shoulders. There was no doubt that Ryan had watched Sonny take part in dangerous and illegal activities and he simply accepted that Ryan was threatening to expose those secrets to the people Sonny wanted left out of the life she had led for the past year. When he looked at her, she bit her lip and closed her eyes tightly, the tears squeezing out like a river. He didn't even want to ask the question that he knew he had to. "Why?"

"There's something you should know."

TO BE CONTINUED...

**Author's Note: *Gasps* How will Chad react to the news that Sonny spent half of this story hiding from him? Will Chad and Sonny be able to overcome this huge obstacle? Will they EVER be together? What do you think? Will Chad and Sonny be able to overcome this? If you want to read anymore of my work, I've just posted a new songfic on my personal account – pearlchavez – and it was a lot of fun to write so please let me know what you think! **


	17. Chapter 17

**Two Years Later...**

Sonny Munroe missed twelve hour shifts. She missed being surrounded by what felt like a million cameras, a million people with both eyes on her, sweat inducing lights and the final word of the director. She missed reading lines from a script. She missed interacting with fellow actors and pretending to be in love with men she had only known for a day; it was so much easier pretending to be in love. She missed being trapped inside a small studio and living in a superficial neighbourhood with a fake sky and one dimensional rooms. Yes, it was true: Sonny Munroe had missed her career dreadfully.

It hadn't been an easy journey: she'd had to endure the most horrible circumstances and she was amazed that she was even allowed a second chance on TV...on the same sitcom she had starred in before her life had been turned upside down. As she stood in her dressing room taking off the make-up she'd been wearing all day while playing someone else, she couldn't help but smile into the lighted mirror. It wasn't a change, not really, because she felt like she had been playing a series of different characters for the past three years. First she played the role of the woman who fucked up her own life when ironically; she was trying to protect her heart. Next she played the woman falling apart at the seams, dependent on poisonous toxins and the pretend love of a man who could have cared less. After that she played a killer; perhaps the most daunting role of all. And finally she played the patient, who, after many attempts at sobering up, had finally landed on her feet.

Whenever Sonny closed her eyes, she could still see thee bloodstained clothes on Ryan, his childlike expression and she could hear him asking her why. She always heard him asking her why when she was asleep and even in her subconscious she said the exact same thing. The guilt wasn't as overbearing as it used to be and she could actually spend her days not wishing to turn back time. During those first few months in rehab, she would often pray for time to be turned back. She would pray for her life to return to how it was when she and Chad were best friends and enjoying success in Young Hollywood. She would pray not to hear the sound of metal scraping against flesh and the yelp of pain coming from Ryan's mouth.

Sonny Munroe took a long time convincing herself that what she had done that day to Ryan Wright was the right thing to do. As far as she was concerned, she had almost killed a man, but the public and the ladies and gentleman of the jury and of the nation seemed to think that she had saved the country from a menace. She credited Chad Dylan Cooper's shocking rendition of the moment Ryan ended his sister's life mercilessly and then shot him with nothing but contempt in his eyes. They said that Ryan Wright had emotionally abused the woman he supposedly loved. They didn't know anything about it; he did love her and it was his love for her that destroyed him. When she watched him being led away to his future behind bars, she couldn't help but feel sympathetic towards him. She would watch him die from the inside. Was it what she really wanted? Needless to say she hadn't explored it, considering she promised herself seeing Ryan Wright again before she died would be too soon.

When Sonny eventually left her dressing room with the feeling of happiness and satisfaction she had been feeling since she returned over a month ago she was met by the always enthusiastic Jason Samson. He was the man that she'd been pretending to be in love with since she returned to the show with a triumphant bang. She envied her character – the charismatic Jennifer Westwick – because she did love him. When Sonny looked at Jason, she wished that she felt those butterflies. She wished that her heart almost stopped when he walked in the room and she wished that her throat did dry up just a little bit when they were rehearsing their passionate love scenes. Jason was the man she wanted to love. He was the man who would always be there for her and she could tell by the blush in his cheeks and that special smile of his that he certainly experienced those feelings when she walked into the room.

"We are finally finished at eight thirty," he remarked, not as grateful for the long days as Sonny was. He told her that he simply marvelled at her dedication. Well, actually he admired her for everything she had been through and he told her that he was honoured to know someone with strength like hers. Sonny always blushed, reluctant to look back on her stint in rehab. Nobody said it was easy, but nobody also said it was damn near impossible. How she had come through it clean on the other end, she would never know.

"Hey, at least you're rehearsing with this pretty face," she joked, nudging him in the sides. It wasn't the same though. She wouldn't admit it, but her heart did every single time.

"That's true, I'm not the poor guy who had to walk through the streets naked with a 'welcome' mat for underwear," Jason laughed, dwelling on the fate of one of their co-stars. Sonny was reminded of So Random when she worked on her current TV show. She thought that kind of comedy might have grown old, like her, but she was surprised and happy everyday when her supposed childlike suggestions were accepted.

"I don't think I'll be receiving a Christmas card from him this year," she giggled, taking Jason's arm like she always did. She felt him take a deep breath and she could have sworn she also felt the tingles sliding up and down his arm. Why couldn't she feel the same way? "So Jason, what are the plans tonight?"

"Well it's Friday night and I am riding solo," he winked, and then she sighed when she realised she knew exactly what he was going to say next. "Of course I don't have to be. What do you say Munroe? Do you wanna come and hang out for a little bit?"

"Jason, I'm going to be the only sober one in a room full of alcohol," she replied, playing it like it was lighthearted. Although she used it as an excuse, it was still a little difficult being in a room with alcohol and knowing that she couldn't even have one drink. "I'm afraid you'll have to actually ride solo tonight, because I've got to pick up my mom and then sign some papers so I can sell my old apartment."

"Oh yeah, that's the place you used to live in with Chad Dylan Cooper, right?" Jason asked and it still stung when she heard his name. She thought it might have stopped after hearing it almost everyday on TV but it still felt the exact same. Sonny allowed herself a few seconds to absorb her own tingling feeling before looking up and smiling at Jason.

"Yeah," she replied, looking down at her car keys, wondering what to say next. "So, where are you thinking of going tonight?"

She promised herself that one day she would tell Jason everything about what she and Chad Dylan Cooper had experienced. She would do it. Just not tonight.

Chad Dylan Cooper waited in the parking lot for Emma Hanson to finally leave work. He stood outside of his car and smoked the one cigarette a day he allowed himself to have. It was now eight forty and they were officially late for dinner. His golden hair blew in the soft breeze, as did the smoke, which he was thankful for, because Emma would kill him if she knew that he had been smoking again.

Finally he watched the fiery haired girl emerge from the studios in a short violet dress and high heels, the very fashion sense that had attracted him to her in the first place. He could hear Emma's shoes echoing all the way from the red carpet when they met at that awards show just a few weeks ago. When he heard them, it made his head turn and perhaps it was all the flashing lights and her signature smile, but he was infactuated immediately.

"Are you ever on time for a dinner reservation?" Chad asked her when she finally walked up to him. Emma checked her appearance in the car window and simply rolled her eyes. He asked her that every time they were late for dinner and she thought it was one of their personal in jokes now.

"Will you ever realise that I always smell that one cigarette on you?" She retorted, flashing him that smile again. Emma Hanson liked to win everything and the way he was feeling, Chad was perfectly happy for her to, considering it meant he wasn't alone most nights. "Where are we going tonight?"

"That new Italian place you've been hinting at all week," he smiled, winning a kiss from her. Everyday he kissed her with anticipation that her kisses would make him explode with a sensation he had once felt a long time ago when being kissed. He closed his eyes and gave the kiss every ounce of his passion, but everyday he was left lingering and wishing that his heart hadn't been taken a long time ago. Emma didn't realise it, but he couldn't stop realising it. He wondered if he would ever feel that way again. "I know, is there a better boyfriend than me?"

"Whoa, someone's getting a little optimistic here," Emma laughed as they stepped into the car. "Who said you were my boyfriend? I never took you for an eager beaver."

"We both know you've been dying to call me your boyfriend since our first date," he replied and his ego only inflated more when she didn't say anything in return. Even though his ego had taken a boost and he felt proud, it didn't fill him with as much joy as it should have. Nothing did these days. Still, he turned to Emma and smiled, turning on the radio and then clasping her hand with his. That didn't even thrill him a little. "So, how was work?"

"Oh my God it was so funny! Sonny suggested that Tom, you remember Tom? That guy who recreated the Thriller dance at the Christmas party? Anyway, Sonny suggested that he should wear underwear made out of a 'welcome' mat! It was so funny! He told me that his private parts are in agony now!" Emma laughed, and then she realised just how much significance her sentence had to Chad. He didn't mean for his grip on her hand to go limp and he didn't mean to suddenly frown when he heard her name.

"I'm guessing Sonny left before you tonight?" He asked, not really wanting his question to be answered. He always ensured that Sonny had left the studio before he entered the parking lot to collect Emma. It had been this way for a month now. It had been so much easier when their paths weren't expected to cross at all.

Chad couldn't believe that it had been two years since he had been shot. He expected the incident to just settle down into an unpleasant memory, but everyday he dwelled on the day he almost lost his life. He didn't know whether his experience in the apparent after life should have been put down to his overactive and badly injured imagination. It was strange; he could still see that man's face clearly. He could see every detail; down to the very last wrinkle on his worn out face. He remembered wondering why the man still looked like he probably did when he died and he remembered thinking in such a shallow manner; will I look old and withered when I die? It all seemed like such a blur now. Perhaps he meant for it to feel that way considering he blocked almost every part of it out. He only recollected it for the emotional trial of Ryan Wright and after that he swore that he would never speak of it again. To speak of it again would only provoke emotions deep within him that he preferred to keep hidden; emotions that had destroyed the closest thing to him two years before.

"There's something you should know," Sonny Munroe said to Chad when he was lying in that hospital bed. The scar in his stomach was causing him more pain than he would have liked and he supposed that he wasn't truly paying attention to the tone of Sonny's voice. Maybe if he had, then he wouldn't have asked the one question that had set off a series of unfortunate events.

"What do you mean?" Chad asked, and then he looked up to see Sonny wiping another tear from her eye and looking out the window, as if she could see something that he couldn't. He could have sworn that the look of guilt on her face was paralysing her. What was his friend hiding from him? He took her hand and kissed it, the feeling of her skin against his lips almost taking his breath away. "Sonny, what is it?"

"I didn't know what to do Chad," she sobbed, her voice more desolate than he would have liked. He would have given everything for Sonny never to cry again. "You have to know that I didn't realise what I was getting myself into. I didn't-"

"It's okay Sonny," Chad assured her, because whatever she told him about her past would always be alright with him. He had already read some terrible stories about her in the tabloids and he imagined she was about to give him a detailed version of something she had participated in when under the influence, but it would be okay. Chad would simply convince her that she could put that behind her. She didn't have to feel ashamed of the woman she used to be when the woman she was going to be would pick herself up from this mess. "I promise that whatever you tell me, we'll work through it and it'll be alright."

"You promise me that Chad?" She asked him hopefully, a small smile coming to her lips. He nodded his head, eager to see that smile stretch a little more. "Do you remember when things were awkward between us? When we still lived together? After we – you couldn't even look at me. Remember?"

"Yeah," he replied, ashamed of his behaviour then. If Chad had known how far he would push her away, he would have looked her in the eye every single day. Now it was his turn to look away and stop the lump in his throat from bursting out of his mouth. Things had been so fucked up. How could he have allowed things to get so fucked up?

"Something happened to me," Sonny confessed and then she had burst into tears again. Chad looked at her and sat up immediately, taking both her hands with his and looking at her urgently. She looked so upset and she could barely even meet his eye. What had happened? Was she alright? Why couldn't she look him in the eye? "Oh God, I didn't know – otherwise I would have – it's my fault-"

"Shh, I assure you that what happened back then was not your fault," Chad promised her, wiping the tears away from her face. What happened to her? Was the incident what pushed her over the edge? "What happened to you Sonny?"

"I thought that I was just stressed," she began, staring down at the white sheet that covered Chad's body. He wanted to ask why she couldn't look at him, but he didn't want to aggrivate her further. He simply accepted the fact that she hadn't come to terms with what she was about to tell him. "I thought that I was sick because of everything that was happening with us. I didn't realise it. I just didn't realise it. I should have. I mean, I'm a woman, I – everyday I pray that I might have realised it."

"What?" Chad asked her, almost desperately. He squeezed her hand and finally Sonny looked him in the eye. Why did it look like it was causing her so much pain? "What didn't you realise?" Sonny was quiet for several minutes, simply staring at the white sheet covering him. She bit her lip and the tears streamed from her eyes. Every time she opened her mouth, she was overcome with more sobs and she was trembling. Finally, she took a deep breath and told Chad what happened to her.

"I was pregnant Chad," Sonny confessed, taking the breath away from him the moment she said it. "I was pregnant and it was yours."

If she was pregnant, then where was the child? Why was she speaking in past tense? Why didn't she tell him that he would be a father? Had she given the child up for adoption? It didn't make sense, because she hadn't gained any weight and the tabloids documented her movements for months – the months that she would have been carrying the child. Chad didn't understand. Where was the child? Why was Sonny still crying? Why did she look like there was more to come? Why was she still looking so damn guilty? He stared at the white sheet when he was processing all these questions. His head was spinning, because he couldn't work it out. He thought that he knew the answer to everything, but he was baffled.

"You were pregnant?" He finally managed to say, but he ridiculed himself for asking the most stupid question on the planet. Chad didn't want to ask the next question, because the look on Sonny's expression suggested that he wouldn't like what he was going to hear. She was ghostly white, just like the sheet and her hands continued to tremble. She clutched the sheets instead of his hands. "What happened Sonny? I don't remember – I don't remember anything documenting your pregnancy and I think I would have known if you gave birth."

"I didn't give birth," Sonny told him and it made Chad feel a little sick. He had been expecting to hear it, but it didn't take away the unexplainable feelings within him. He had never experienced this before; how could he suddenly feel so much grief for something he never had? It overcame him like a virus and from the moment Sonny told him, it infected every inch of his body. She wasn't looking at him when their eyes met again and instead her tears were dripping onto the bed and she was covering her mouth and trying to stifle her sobs. No, surely she hadn't done the worst thing. Surely she hadn't taken matters into her own hands. Chad didn't want to think of Sonny the way he thought of her at that moment. He didn't want to think of her playing God in such a twisted manner. He didn't want to think that she had made a decision like that. He didn't want to think that she would do such a thing without telling him.

"Then what the hell happened?" Chad demanded. He didn't mean to sound so aggressive, but there was a new pain inside of him now and he didn't like it. He didn't like feeling this indescribable agony slowly descend on him so strongly that he was finding it difficult to breathe. It was as if a dark cloud was hovering over him. Sonny didn't say anything, and it only increased his suspicions further. No! He didn't want to think of her like that! It couldn't be true! She couldn't be like that! He wouldn't allow it! "Sonny, what the fuck happened?"

"I lost it!" Sonny screamed, her voice in a pitch that he had never heard before. Chad leaned back from her, unable to believe what he was hearing. Everything inside him was numb, except this new pain that spread all over him like poison ivy. It leaked inside of his veins and he could feel it pumping all over his body. It was strange and he didn't care for it. "I didn't fall down the fucking stairs Chad! I miscarried our baby! That's what happened!"

Chad had been there? He covered his mouth in shock, unable to believe that he had been present at the wake of his child's death. He had almost been a father? It was a thought that he couldn't believe he was entertaining. Chad Dylan Cooper had almost been a father. He and Sonny had almost become parents to a child. He knew what the consequences were of not practicing safe sex, but he never imagined – he especially never imagined what might happen to the child.

He lay back down on the hospital bed and attempted to absorb what Sonny just told him. When Sonny and Chad had sex, not only had he told her his true feelings for her, but their love had conceived a baby. They had actually conceived a child. No matter how many times he told himself, he just couldn't take it in. He thought of the child growing in Sonny's body. She must have only been a couple of months gone when she...lost it. Oh God, he couldn't believe that he had almost had a child and lost it on the very same day. He tugged at his hair and stared at the white ceiling, oblivious to the tears that spilled from his eyes. Now his hands were trembling and he couldn't bear to look Sonny in the eye.

"I don't – why didn't – you should have – I should have been told," he finally managed to say, after practicing what he might have said in his head. He could hear the sobs coming from Sonny's lips and he wanted to comfort her, but he could barely move. He was frozen in position. He felt an overwhelming sense of sickness in his stomach, but he sensed that it wouldn't disappear. He had just welcomed a new sensation into his life and he didn't like it.

"I couldn't tell you," she whispered, unable to raise her voice any longer. He stared at the ceiling and he tried to understand her logic. He simply had to understand! She was Sonny and she was always right. She couldn't make mistakes. Why couldn't he understand why she did this? "I hated myself so much. I still do. I thought I killed it; I thought I was the one responsible for its death and I had to do something. I had to block it all out."

"That's why you turned to drugs, isn't it?" Chad asked her, amazed that he could even speak. He still couldn't look at her, and instead focused on her trembling hand. It all made sense now; Sonny's paralysing sense of guilt about their child's death had pushed her into the seedy underworld of drugs and emotional abuse. When Sonny didn't reply he knew that he was right.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed, squeezing his hand. When she squeezed his hand before, he always felt a shiver go down his spine, but he could barely feel anything now. All he could feel was this agonising feeling in his chest and an overwhelming sense of sickness. Chad Dylan Cooper had lost a child. He had lost his child. He had lost the child that he and Sonny created. He had spent months wondering why she had driven herself away from him. He thought that the months they spent apart had been agony, but he truly didn't know what pain was until now. At night he would assess every little thing that might have driven her away. Why didn't he guess that it was something bigger than their one night stand? Her behaviour certainly suggested a mental breakdown. Why didn't he see it?

Everyday since Sonny Munroe told Chad the horrible truth; he knew that he should have said something else after that. He spent every night thinking of what he should have said and wishing that he could take it all back. Perhaps things would have been different if he had said something else.

"I think you should go Sonny."

He didn't know what else to say. It was dissgusting, but when Sonny told him everything, he couldn't bear to have her in the same room as him. He imagined he should have felt an overwhelming need to help her overcome the guilt she was feeling and the obvious trauma she had endured because of it, but all he could feel was the overwhelming sense of anger spreading through him. Why didn't she tell him? He understood that she was ashamed of what he might think, but he spent months blaming himself. He spent months thinking that his behaviour and telling her that he loved her had ruined everything between them. He spent months in agony wondering whether he would see her again or whether she would be dead before they ever spoke again. Why didn't she tell him? If she had told him then he would have stopped her from harming herself! He wouldn't have allowed her to go that far. Didn't she see it? Didn't she see how she had ruined everything they might ever be?

"What?" Sonny asked in shock and he finally managed to look her in the eye. Her eyes were red and swollen, but he no longer felt the need to wipe away her tears. When he looked at her he could only see the woman who had kept the most important thing he would ever know secret. "Chad, please don't-"

"I spent months blaming myself," he said, gritting his teeth. He was forced to clutch the sheets, not wanting to see the expression of fear spreading across her face. "I spent months thinking it was all my fault! I spent months thinking it was my fault that I couldn't save you! You should have told me! You should have fucking told me!"

"I know," she replied tearfully. Why did he feel this way towards her? He didn't want to feel this way towards her. Chad wanted to take her into his arms and assure her that everything would be alright. Didn't he promise her that no matter what, it would be alright? He willed himself to hold her and to promise her that they would overcome this, but he couldn't. Instead he said this.

"I don't think I can deal with this right now," he said, trying to remain calm, but it took all of his strength not to yell again. "I want you to go. I need to absorb it. I can't think. I want you out."

"I think we need to talk about it," Sonny insisted and she was probably right. When he looked into her big brown eyes he demanded to see reason. She had always been the sensible one, but he couldn't see it. He didn't want to talk to her. He didn't even want to look at her. "I think that-"

"Just get out!" Chad yelled, his voice reaching a volume he didn't think he had used since he was a teenager. His throat felt dry afterwards and when he looked at Sonny, she looked at him with so much fear. She did what he asked though. She quietly stepped away from the bed and walked out of the room. He wanted to go after her and when he heard her walking down the hall, he considered going after her. He willed himself to run after her, but the anger and pain within him stopped him in his tracks. He couldn't do it.

Every night he wished that he hadn't snapped at Sonny. Every night he prayed that it didn't happen. But it did. It did, and that was why they hadn't spoken since that day.

**Author's Note: Okay, so I suppose I should tell you all right now that this IS NOT the end. I know, I am a terrible person and I should be ridiculed for putting my readers through all this suspense. I can't help it; I have a huge thing for cliffhangers. So, was Chad out of line? Will he and Sonny ever speak again? will they EVER realise that they're in love with each other? Let me know what you think. Also, on my personal account – pearlchavez – I've just posted up a new story called 'Songs About Sonny' and it's a collection of oneshots based on songs. So if you like my writing and you're interested – or even bored – please give it a read and let me know what you think =]. Much love!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Okay wow, we are actually nearing the end of Ripping Wings and I don't want to see it go! I was also disappointed when Chad lost his temper at Sonny about what happened, but will our favourite two-some ever get past their differences? I can't thank you enough for the amazing reviews and I can't tell you how much it motivates me. Please enjoy! =]**

Sonny cried the day she found out that her mother was being released from the hospital. She had been visiting everyday just as she promised the moment she left rehab and was called into the office of the doctor that had been supervising her mother since she entered. Sonny didn't even want to know the things that man had witnessed and she would never ask him. She knew that her mother had been extremely difficult at first and if she was honest, she thought that she might have lost the woman forever. When Sonny looked back on those first few months of her mother's stay in the hospital tears still sprung to her eyes. She couldn't remember a time when she hadn't cried leaving the hospital those first few months.

The doctor was a man in his fifties with greying hair, premature wrinkles and a messy office. He had to clear the seat for Sonny when she sat down. Even though he had no doubt told many people the same thing he was telling Sonny, she saw a glimmer of pride in his eyes as if he was speaking of his own child. He spoke so fondly of her mother, listing all of her accomplishments like an enthusiastic father. That was when she knew that she liked this man; he humanised her mother. A lot of people hadn't humanised her mother when she first entered, but that doctor had been professional every time, just like the nurse Annie, that had worked with her mother from the beginning.

Sonny waited until she had left the doctor's office before she started crying. She ran into the nearest bathroom and allowed her sobs to be released in full force. She had never known just how deeply someone could cry tears of happiness. Her mother was well again; something Sonny didn't think she would see ever again. The night Sonny knew her mother needed professional help would always be a scar in her mind. It was a cold night and it was raining, unusual in Los Angeles, and Sonny and Chad were in their apartment watching television when the doorbell rang frantically. At time time, Sonny had ben heartily disappointed, considering she and Chad were having one of those nights where they subconsciously held each other in their arms and rested their heads on each other...just like a couple. Of course they didn't acknowledge, but they both knew that their behaviour wasn't that of platonic best friends. Sonny reluctantly pulled herself away from Chad's arms, much to his frustration.

"I'm telling you right now it is a crazed fan and you've just sealed our fates there Sonny," he shook his head jokingly, his eyes still on the movie. "I just hope you can live with the fact that you caused the death of Chad Dylan Cooper."

"Someone seriously needs to let go of the dramatic aspect of their personality," Sonny laughed as she walked towards the door. "And considering I would be dead along with you somehow I don't think I would dwell too much on the fact that you're dead."

"That hurts," Chad called as Sonny opened the door.

She was about to throw back another sarcastic remark, but when she saw her mother standing there with a summer dress on, her chocolate coloured hair soaked and no shoes on her feet. She covered her mouth in surprise, leaning against the door so she wouldn't collapse. It was the blank look in her eyes and the empty expression on her face that scared Sonny the most. Her mother had always been an expressive person, but she stood there clutching a small suitcase as if she was the living dead.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" She finally managed to ask, unable to believe she had managed to speak. "Why aren't you wearing a jacket? And where are your shoes?"

"I left him Sonny," she said, like a lost little girl. At first Sonny wasn't sure what she was talking about, but a few moments later it dawned on her. It should have been a joyful moment, knowing her mother had left the man who had abused her both physically and emotionally. It should have been a moment where Sonny held her mother fiercely close and promised to protect her. It shouldn't have scared her. She shouldn't have almost been brought to tears by her mother's appearance.

At first she didn't even notice it. She was too busy focusing on her mother's soaking appearance and the revelation she had revealed. She had left him; she had left Steve. She had left the man who had been the subject of Sonny's nightmares. Professionals said that woman scarcely left abusive partners and Sonny was proud to admit that she knew a woman who had. Her mother was a hero. Her mother had become a new role model with just one decision and Sonny would ensure that she received the recognition she deserved. Oh yes, she would make sure that her mother assured other women that they could do the same thing. There was no way that her mother's miraculous bravery would go unnoticed. As Sonny was picturing the success and the glorified reputation, she noticed the blood on her mother's arm. Now that she thought of it, both arms were behind her back.

"Mom, did he hurt your arm?" She asked, and that was when she pulled her mother's arms forward.

"He wanted to do it Sonny but I wouldn't let him have the satisfaction!" She hissed with more emotion than she had managed for the past few minutes. Sonny looked in horror at the cut wrists in front of her.

"Chad! Oh my God! Chad, call an ambulance!"

Sonny tried to block it out as she went to pick up her mother. Once, she had promised her mother that she wouldn't become a victim the way she had. She still felt like she had disappointed her mother greatly with what had happened with Ryan, but her mother simply called it her 'lost weekend'. She said everyone, including John Lennon had experienced it, but Sonny didn't agree. She promised her mother that she would never allow herself to be used or abused like that ever again. She promised that she would be the headstrong assertive woman that her mother had raised her to be.

Connie was standing outside the hospital with her suitcase beside her, a smile on her face. What must it have been like breathing fresh air and knowing that she had no obligation to return to that place? Sonny imagined it must have felt as refreshing as when she was released from rehab. She would always be grateful for the help she received, but she had absolutely no desire to return ever again. Sonny had made room in her new apartment for her mother, who would stay with her until she landed on her feet. If Sonny was honest, she never wanted her mother to land on her feet. She wanted to relive the childhood she felt she lost; she wanted it to be just her and her mother. Of course she wouldn't have objected if her father came back, but she knew that his return was something she wouldn't experience until she passed away.

"I haven't been in a car in over three years!" Her mother exclaimed when she climbed into the front seat with Sonny. She was simply going to reply with a humourous statement, but instead she threw her arms around her mother and clung onto her tightly. She tried not to cry, but she couldn't help herself and as always she felt secure when her mother stroked her hair and kissed her cheek. "Come on, you promised you wouldn't cry on me."

"I know," Sonny sniffed, straightening herself up and turning on the engine again. She wiped her eyes and then looked at her mother with a huge smile on her face. "I'm sorry, I'm just – I don't think I've ever been this happy. You have no idea how much I've missed seeing you outside."

"I know," Connie nodded, squeezing her daughter's hand. "You helped me kiddo. I have to say, you are the best thing that's ever been mine."

It was a comforting statement to Sonny, but also a bittersweet moment. This happened regularly; someone would say something that she remembered _him_ saying to her once and she would automatically be spirited away to the moment it was said. It was often good things and she would be taken back to a happy moment in her life with him, but sometimes she was reminded of the low points of their friendship and thwarted romance. This time she was taken back to the night they ruined their friendship and began what might have possibly been the greatest love story she ever knew. Sonny was lying on top of Chad, smiling down at him, blocking out the logic that screamed for her to stop and he was stroking her cheek with his hands. She could only focus on his bright sparkly eyes and he was staring deep into her eyes with a small smile on his face.

"You are the best thing that's ever been mine," he told her. Sonny never told him that he said it the next morning. Perhaps it was because she didn't want him to take it all back. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever said to her and she didn't want it to be a shallow reminder of what Chad was capable of when drunk.

"So, you want to order in pizza when we get in?" Sonny asked her mother. She didn't dwell on the comment and she looked straight ahead when she asked the question. She didn't want her mother to see that everything to do with Chad Dylan Cooper still haunted her.

"You know it," Connie replied. She had been deprived of anything like pizza since she had entered that institution and Sonny was only happy to make her simple wishes come true. Sonny could tell from the corner of her eye that her mother knew there was something wrong with her. Connie Munroe was unbelievably intuitive when it came to her daughter, but this was one thing Sonny wanted to keep guarded. Shedding light on such a painful subject would only bring out wounds from the past that she had not fully come to terms with.

"He's sorry Sonny," Connie said. Sonny thought that she might have just let it go like any other mother would. She was desperate for her mother just to turn a blind eye this once, but of course she won't. "I've spoken to him and he's so sorry. He just didn't think and when he realised –"

"I'm really in the mood for pepperoni pizza tonight," Sonny replied, refusing to acknowledge him like she had been for the past two years. She remembered that Chad had visited her mother in the hospital after his outburst forced Sonny to shut him out of her life forever. She didn't know what had been said, because she had asked her mother never to speak about him to her. "Yeah, pepperoni sounds awesome."

"Yeah, it does," Connie replied, and she was thankful that her mother took the hint. As they drove Sonny couldn't help but be ambushed by the feelings she had hidden for two years. She could still hear Chad speaking to her so sharply, she could still see the disappointed and devastated look in her eyes and she could still feel the tremendous guilt she had been trying to hide for so long. She knew it was a long shot and so naive of her, but she honestly thought that he might have understood. The majority of her assumed that he might have been upset, but there was a small part inside of her that thought he might actually want to talk about things with her. Sonny shook her head, attempting to shake out all the bad thoughts, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't forget everything she had lost within two days.

"Chad, are you sure your mom's going to be okay with you telling her we're moving in together after dating for only a few weeks?" Emma asked Chad as he dropped her off at the photoshoot she was due to attend for the rest of the day. Chad thought her absence would be the perfect time to tell his mother that he was moving in with the woman he had only known for a few weeks. Emma looked doubtful, echoing how Chad felt inside, but he was determined to prove to her – and himself – that it was the best decision he had ever made.

"Trust me she's going to be fine," he insisted, finding it difficult to make himself sound believable. Emma Hanson was perhaps the most beautiful woman on the planet. When Chad was sixteen years old and without a certain Sonny Munroe in his life, she was the woman he would have idealized. She was the woman everyone expected him to marry with her beautiful looks, social grace and respectable reputation in Hollywood. They would produce fine children and fantastic tabloid opportunities. "Emma seriously, you have to trust me."

"I do," she insisted, but was she also trying to cement her true feelings with the same pretend attitude he was? They were both fantastic actors, yet another bonus of their match. Emma didn't say anything else, and before Chad could try and convince her of his feelings once again she kissed him passionately on the lips. Still, he felt nothing, but as always he smiled and stroked her cheek.

"I'll see you later," she smiled, whispering in his ear. He knew exactly what it meant and he tried not to think of someone else when he thought of making love. As Chad watched Emma walk into the building shoot where men and woman would be ogling her all day and imagining her in provocative positions, he didn't even feel an ounce of jealousy. When Sonny went to photoshoots, Chad would despise her and he would hate every single person who watched her that day. He envied the stylists and the make-up artists for being allowed to be so close to her without it looking odd and suspicious.

When Chad walked into his mother's house, he was surprised to find his sister Brittany, Julia and the baby boy she had just given birth to a couple of days before. He had been hoping that his mom would tell him the day Brittany visited so that he could find some sort of reason to stay away. When Brittany saw him standing there, she galloped over to him and threw her arms around him.

"I didn't know you were coming today!" She exclaimed excitedly, and then she turned to her five year old daughter and pointed enthusiastically. "Look Julia, it's Uncle Chad! Yay! We've missed Uncle Chad, haven't we?"

"Yay!" Julia smiled, her hands covered with paint. Chad took a deep breath when the little girl ran over and hugged his knees, ruining his new jeans in the process. He tried to hold her, but when he wrapped his arms around him, something suddenly felt like it was suffocating his chest. It had been this way for a long time and it had come to the point where he could barely stand to be in the same room as Julia. It wasn't just Julia either; Chad couldn't stand to be in the room with any children.

"Hey little girl, why don't you show me what you're painting huh?" Chad suggested; anything to free him from her claustrophobic grip. He had managed to keep his new phobia under wraps considering his job didn't require him to spend much time with children and he had avoided his sister at any given chance. Julia didn't notice his hostility and his mother and Brittany certainly didn't notice as they both looked at the baby his mother was holding in her arms ever so proudly.

"Chad, have you seen your nephew?" His mother asked, looking down at the little boy. She had emailed him some photographs and Chad was ashamed to admit he hadn't even looked at them. He wanted to, but he couldn't bear the thought of experiencing the same pain and shortness of breath, symptoms that were bound to come. He couldn't understand it at first. It had happened about two years ago; he couldn't look at children without almost bursting into tears. He couldn't hold them without feeling sickeningly envious of their parents and he couldn't even talk to them without feeling like he might cry. The worst part was that his niece had felt the brunt of his new found phobia and Brittany often laughed off her claims that Uncle Chad didn't like hugging and kissing her as much as he used to.

"He's a gorgeous one, isn't he?" Chad asked, not wanting to lie to his mother, but at the same time he didn't want to tell her the truth. Brittany stepped away, and Chad was forced to lay eyes on the newborn child before him. The baby reminded him of his many baby photos. His mother had often commented just how much Brittany's children looked like Chad, something they should be thankful for apparently. When Chad looked at this baby, he didn't see his nephew. It was the same with any child he looked at, he didn't see them; he saw the child he would never have.

When he looked at any child, he was reminded of the fact that his child would never see the light of day, feel the touch of someone else and hear the sounds he took for granted everyday. He couldn't stand it; he couldn't stand that everyone else had been given such a wonderful opportunity and he hadn't. At first the immense grief meant that he couldn't even be in the same room as Julia. For about three months he made every excuse to avoid his family, something he and his sister fell out about. She assumed it had something to do with her husband and Chad had to pretend that she was right. It sounded sick to say that it was her defenceless little girl that made him squirm. Brittany's pregnancy had only worsened conditions when he remembered that Sonny had carried their baby before losing it. He resented his sister for being given the opportunity to carry a child full term when Sonny's baby had ben unfairly stolen away from them.

"Sean's with daddy today at the beach because he's a little jealous of the attention," Brittany laughed, referring to her seven year old son who despised the fact that he was no longer the only boy in the family. Clara laughed with her and Chad had to force himself to laugh.

"Oh Brit, you must tell him who you've named this little guy after!" His mother gasped excitedly, clasping her daughter's hand. Brittany blushed.

"Who is it?" He asked, finding it complicated to remain smiling when he could feel his niece tugging on his jeans. This was his worst nightmare; he couldn't stand to be in a room with two children that looked shockingly like him, but were not his. It wasn't fair! Why had his sister given birth to children that were so familiar to him, but he hadn't even been given the chance to be a father? Why did he take the baby away from him?

"I called him Dylan," Brittany smiled, putting her arm around her brother. When she said that, Chad knew that he should have felt tremendously honoured. When she had refused to give Julia 'Dylan' as a surname he had almost fallen out with her and called it an insult. Now, he could barely muster the energy to smile at what was probably the most amazing thing his sister would ever do with him. It was terrible and he hated himself for it, but all he could think about was how he had never been given the chance to name his own baby Dylan. His own baby hadn't even been born! He didn't even get to see that baby developing and now he would be forced to watch Brittany's son grow up with the name that should have been his baby's!

"You didn't have to do that," Chad smiled in reply, but Brittany mistook his honesty for modesty.

"I did, because you don't know what a huge help you've been with Julia and Sean," she replied, putting her arms around him.

"But that's my name Brit," he replied, and that was it: his temper was lost. "I know that I lost the kid I was supposed to have, but I might have had another one! What if I wanted to call my son Dylan? Did you think of that Brit, huh? DID YOU?" Brittany just stood there, her mouth covered in surprise and horror, but what more could she say to him? Chad didn't realise the horrible reality of his outburst until Julia burst into tears and his mother lay baby Dylan in his crib. She walked over to her son and put her arm around him.

"Why don't we talk in the kitchen?" She asked him softly, leading him away from Brittany who burst into tears as she comforted her own daughter. This was why Chad shouldn't be allowed in the company of children; clearly he couldn't be trusted! As he sat down at the table across from his mother, the guilt washed over him and his face fell into his hands.

"I should tell her I'm sorry," Chad said, standing up, but his mom put her hand over his and shook her head. He always thought his mother had been wise, so he sat down again. It was at that moment he heard Brittany's sob spreading into the hallway. He didn't mean to upset her like that. Why was it that he upset people all the time? Why couldn't Chad be soft tempered? Why did everything he say result in a fight?

"She needs a minute to calm herself and Julia down," Clara replied softly and then she sighed. "I suppose you do too. I didn't even think Chad, I didn't think about what Dylan might do to you."

"He's a gorgeous kid," Chad maintained and he wasn't lying. "Please don't think that I hate him or Julia for that matter, because I don't. I just can't – I can't –"

"I know it's hard for you son," she replied, stroking his hand. "I guess me and Brit just didn't realise that just because it happened a little while ago doesn't mean the scars have healed just yet."

"Look, it's not your fault," Chad assured her, placing his other hand on top of hers. Chad was well aware that his child's death was no one's fault. He had realised that when it was too late. He didn't deserve anyone's pity for something that was ultimately his fault. He couldn't understand why his mother still spoke to him so softly, because she knew everything about Chad's situation.

"Have you talked to Sonny?" She asked him, as if it was even a possibility. Whenever Chad heard her name, he was always forced to relive the moment he had ruined things between them forever. Every night he thought about what he should have said that day in the hospital. He knew that he shouldn't have snapped at her and spent every waking moment regretting it. Why did he snap at her? Why didn't he take a few more minutes and rationalise his thoughts before speaking again? If he had only waited a few more minutes to speak to her then he wouldn't be sitting with his mother in the kitchen after snapping at his sister about her newborn baby. What did he do to himself? He had participated in destroying his own life.

"Nope," he replied. He had tried to. When Sonny refused to take his calls and requested that she receive no visitors except a phone call from her mother in rehab, Chad went to see her mother. Sonny had told her everything, just as he suspected, and when he walked into her room, he was greeted with a tyrade of abuse. Of course she had every right to call him insensitive, a jerk, an asshole and a fucking son of a bitch. He deserved every one of those names for the way he had reacted towards her daughter that day.

"Chad, you don't understand how guilty she already feels about it! She thinks she killed the kid and you've only made it worse!" She cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. It was information that Chad already knew; did Connie really think that he was that insensitive? Chad didn't want to be that insensitive. How could he convince her that he had only reacted in that manner because he was so overwhelmed? "Why Chad? Why didn't you talk things through with her? Why did you act like that?"

"I was upset," Chad had replied, staring at the ground and refusing to show the woman that he had shed a tear or two in the past few moments.

He had been upset. Within minutes, Chad had learned that the love of his life had been destroying herself physically and emotionally because of the death of the unexpected child she had been carrying. Within minutes Chad learned that he was about to become a father and within minutes all the hopes and dreams he had of being a father had been taken away from him again. He wished to God that he had been calm. Everyday he wished to God that he had been calm instead of losing his temper at the one person he never wanted to lose again. One wrong decision had ruined their friendship forever. One wrong decision had given Chad a whole new reputation and apparently this was a reputation that he was unable to rid himself of. Sonny was gone forever and it was all because he chose to talk moments sooner than he should have.

"I'm sorry," Chad told Connie, attempting to remain calm, but whenever he thought about that day it always brought a tear to his eye. He had lost a child too. Not only that, he had lost Sonny Munroe and their child all on the same day. "You have no idea how sorry I am. I didn't think. I talked too soon and I want you to know that I don't blame her. I don't blame her one bit. You have to believe me; I overreacted and blamed her because I didn't think. You have to believe me."

Connie believed him, but Sonny didn't. Chad waited, but she never came to him. He was forced to realise that his mistake had cost him their friendship forever. He thought they might have saved it. He thought that his near death experience meant something, but supposedly he was doomed to a future of no Sonny Munroe. Why was it that their joint presence drove them apart every time? They had played games and avoided each other throughout their careers as stars of prominent teen shows and they had sabotaged their friendship even as adults. Did Chad and Sonny know the meaning of friendship? Perhaps they were never meant to be friends. Perhaps they were meant to be a passing influence in each other's lives. That was why Chad had convinced himself to date Emma and that was why he would never mention Sonny Munroe again.

"Mom, I have something I want to tell you," he took a deep breath. There was a reason he hadn't brought Emma with him that day. Chad's mother was an objective woman, but she had always admired Sonny and he knew that she still fought for their dead relationship, even when she didn't say anything. "I'm going to move in with Emma."

She didn't say anything at first. She gripped his hand a little tighter and he heard her sigh even though she disguised it with a cough. His mother thought that he was moving too fast, it was something that he didn't need to hear. Clara wanted what was best for him and apparently what was best was Sonny Munroe. He wondered why she had so much hope in theirr relationship considering everything he had done. Chad had accepted the fact that he was no longer good enough for Sonny. Why couldn't she?

"Why do you never think things through Chad?" She asked him softly, shaking her head. Within the last few years, Chad noticed how much his mother had aged. Her son had provided her with more drama than a season of Mackenzie Falls, but she didn't seem to tire of it. Even now she seemed desperate to provoke a confrontation with him. "You never think, you act on impulse."

"I like her," Chad shrugged his shoulders, looking away from his mother. She would say that liking someone wasn't enough. She would say that in order to move in together, two people ought to be in love with each other and she was right. Once Chad took her advice and he moved in with someone he did love, but it ruined everything. Perhaps if he didn't have high hopes then he wouldn't get hurt again. "I know you don't agree mom, but I'm doing it. I know you wanted things to be different, but I fuck – it didn't work out."

Before Clara could come in with some bullshit statement about Chad and Sonny patching something up that couldn't be repaired, his cell phone rang. Every time Chad's cell phone rang, he subconsciously prayed that it was Sonny. It was a habit he'd obtained from when he played Mackenzie and apparently it died hard. It was never Sonny now. No matter how much he wanted it, it would never be Sonny again.

"Hello, Mr Condor?"

**Author's Note: I guess you could call this the first part of the final chapter. The last chapter was almost 12,000 words so I thought that I should probably separate them because that is a lot of reading to do in one sitting. So, what did you think? What does Mr Condor want? Will Chad move in with the girl so not right for him? Will Sonny face the past she's been so desperate to escape from? Will Chad and Sonny EVER end up in the same room again? Let me know what you think!**

**Oh yeah, and here's a nice little preview of what's to come…**

**PREVIEW**

It was the Mackenzie Falls set that brought back the most memories for Sonny. She was on that set when she wanted to prove her loyalty towards her castmates. She was on that set when she doubted the loyalty of her castmates. Somehow Sonny had always ended up on the set of Mackenzie Falls and even now she hesitated to admit that it wasn't because of its glorious decor. It wasn't the same when she and Chad didn't fight and everyday she ensured that they always made some form of contact.

Amazingly, Mackenzie Falls was still airing to audiences all over the world. When Chad sensationally announced that he was leaving to pursue other projects a storyline had to be construed allowing the show to go on. So, in Chad's last ever finale, he found out that he had a secret long lost brother, the product of his mother's affair with the evil landlord Mackenzie Miller. So, in Chad's last ever show, he met his brother, the mysterious Mackenzie Junior; a boy torn between the good from his mother's side and the evil from his father's side. To further lament Chad's stance on the show, his long lost brother murdered the original Mackenzie - obviously revelling in his father's evil side. Chad had been a little pissed off when he saw that the new Mackenzie was just as popular as he had been.

It was the balcony that offered the most memories for Sonny. It was the balcony scene with Selena Gomez that had made both Chad and Sonny explode. She could still see herself and Chad arguing about their supposed lack of feelings towards each other. She could remember watching the cheesy scene where she and Chad were supposed to be in love and growing more annoyed at how addictive...and good it was to watch. At that point Sonny wasn't ready to admit the feelings she harboured towards Chad. The only solution she could see was to deny it until the very end, but even that failed her. Their anger towards each other and towards Selena Gomez had forced them both to admit that they did actually feel something for the other. It was something she wished she could take back everyday, remembering what had happened shortly afterwards between Tawni and Chad.

"I didn't think that you would be here," Sonny almost jumped out of her skin when standing before her was Chad Dylan Cooper.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: Surprise! Part 2 of the finale. I can't believe I have to end this story because I'm seriously going to miss it. I'm going to miss any kind of storywriting because of college and that whole needing a degree thing. Again I want to thank you all for the tremendous support you've given me and the kind reviews. Your input and suggestions have really helped me out and I seriously appreciate all the honesty. I think you're all going to be surprised at the end. Please read/review and enjoy! =]**

"Mr Condor's having a party for being in the business 25 long years," Sonny told Lucy over coffee that afternoon. Her old boss had called her the day before and told her that she and some of her former colleagues were invited to a party of his the following night. He said it was a last minute thing because initially he wasn't going to celebrate it, but his daughter was desperate to mingle with the stars just one more time. Even though Sonny had left So Random long ago Dakota never changed. She hated the girl and she imagined it would be a nightmare having to socialise with her again, but it was refreshing to return to something that never changed.

"Wow, it's hard to imagine that he's been working in showbiz for that long," Lucy replied, sipping a bottle of water. Since she and Nick announced that she would be expecting his baby the following spring, she and Sonny had both been extremely wary about how the baby should be taken care of. Even though her friend was just a couple of months pregnant, she could see the baby bump, or perhaps she was imagining it. Every time she looked at it, she felt her scar sting. She wondered if a day would pass when it wouldn't sting. She wondered when she'd be able to look children in the eye again. "Do you know who's going?"

"I think he's trying to get all of us back, So Random and The Falls," Sonny replied, staring at her coffee mug deeply, as if it would make her forget the words she didn't want to say. "I haven't stepped foot in that building since I left. It's weird; do you ever get scared of the past?"

"You're only scared of the past if you haven't confronted it," Lucy told her and when she said it Sonny felt a small lump in her throat arise. She thought that she'd accepted everything that happened in her past, but thinking about _him_ being there and being forced to confront the one thing that she'd never fully accepted terrified her. "Is Chad going tonight?"

"I don't know," she replied, trying to shrug her shoulders, but why had it become such a burden? Why could she never shrug off Chad? "Probably."

"And you guys still haven't talked?" Lucy asked her, the awkwardness in her tone obvious. Sonny shook her head and sipped her coffee so she didn't have to say anything. "He's sorry, you know. I know it doesn't really mean anything, but I talked to him a while back and-"

"Everyone's fucking talked to him, haven't they?" Sonny snapped, slamming her hand on the table. When she looked up, Lucy was biting her lip nervously and her eyes were so wide. Lucy wasn't used to fighting with Sonny and had done everything in her power to ensure it didn't happen again. Sonny knew that their friendship was still in the early stages of reconciliation and there she was destroying it all over again. "Shit Lucy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, it's just – we haven't talked and as far as I know he still blames me."

"No he doesn't," Lucy promised her, putting her arm around her. Sonny couldn't believe that she felt anxious knowing that the baby in Lucy's stomach was edging closer to her. Sometimes she still considered herself a threat to children. Sometimes she thought that she was cursed and when she first learned of Lucy's pregnancy she avoided her for a few days. "He was mad and he overreacted. He was so overwhelmed with everything and I guess he spoke when he shouldn't have. He doesn't blame you. He blames himself for everything Sonny."

"It doesn't seem like he does," she replied, tears coming to her eyes. She didn't mean to start talking about it and she certainly didn't mean to cry. "Have you seen him lately? He must be over it if he's dating my co-star."

"You know Chad," Lucy replied. "When things aren't going so well and he's in denial about you he always gets a girlfriend. He doesn't love Emma, just like he didn't love Tawni or Portlyn."

Sonny wanted to believe her friend, but she couldn't. She wanted to believe that Chad still cared for her, but she couldn't get what he said in the hospital out of her mind. He looked at her like a monster and he snapped at her unlike he had snapped at anyone. He sincerley believed that she was responsible for their child's death and she would never forget it. She often tried to and she certainly acted like she did in public, but when she was alone in bed she allowed herself to cry for the man she would never have. She often wondered why he hadn't died that day Ryan had shot him. She thought that they would reconcile and finally be together like they were meant to be, but she told him too soon. She should never have told him, but it was like vomit that day. The decision to tell him was so sudden and she felt that she couldn't wait one more day. What would have happened if she waited one more day? Would things have been different? God, she and Chad had been through so much; from immature sexual tension to thwarting a grown up friendship. Were they even meant to be in each other's lives? Obviously not. Missed encounters, wrong decisions, short tempers and tragedies seemed to have sealed their fates. Why couldn't she accept it?

"I don't think we were ever meant to be in each other's lives for a long time, you know?" Sonny said out loud, needing someone to help her delude herself. It was much easier that way instead of confronting the emotions within herself. "We've never gotten it right."

"This is reality," Lucy remarked, trying to make her friend feel better by smiling about it. "Life isn't like a movie; nothing just works itself out in the end. There's no such thing as happily ever after."

"I miss it when you were comparing Chad and I to 'When Harry Met Sally'," Sonny smiled. Life had been so much simpler then. Why couldn't things return to the way they were? She wasn't even asking for them to be harmonious, but she greatly regretted how hard she thought things had been when they had simply slept together. She would trade anything to return to that time; before Ryan, before the drugs and before the baby's life had been lost.

"Sonny, can I tell you something?" Lucy asked and her expression alerted her immediately. She rarely had anything to say that might taint her character. Sonny had always placed Lucy on a pedostol especially since she had chosen to rekindle their friendship despite everything Sonny had done.

"You can tell me anything," Sonny assured her, because it was true. If they wanted to get back to the place they used to be before everything had been ruined, it required always being there on both sides. Sonny had a hell of a lot more being there to do though.

"I feel ashamed of it really," she replied, looking down at the ground guiltily. "Do you know that sometimes I still hate Keisha for what happened?"

"What do you mean?" Sonny asked her curiously. How could she still hate Keisha? Keisha was no longer a threat; something else Sonny would always take the blame for.

"Nick blames himself for not meeting with her sooner," she said, her voice crackling as if she was about to burst into tears. Sonny leaned over and put her hand on top of Lucy's. "He doesn't tell me, but sometimes when she's on TV or something he'll suddenly get this sad look in his eyes and I know he's thinking about it. I know it's not Keisha's fault because it's not as if she chose her fate, is it? I don't know what it is. I can't yell at Nick for being so caring and I guess I'm mad at her because I don't know who else to be mad at."

"Lucy, it's not terrible," Sonny said and she sincerley meant it. At first she thought her friend was being selfish, but when she heard the rest of the story there was no way she could be mad at her. When she watched Lucy break down into tears for feeling something she too had felt about various things she put her arms around her. "I've felt the same way. I used to get mad at people all the time about something I was truly mad at myself for."

"He was being cautious with her at the time because he didn't want to upset me," she cried, wiping her eyes. She couldn't allow herself to get so stressed when she was carrying the one ray of hope in Nick's life. Once, Sonny might have considered the thwarted life of her child a ray of hope. "I hate it Sonny. I don't want to be mad at her and I hate myself every single time." When Sonny heard her say that, it reminded her immediately of Chad Dylan Cooper and what her mother had told her about him. She didn't want to believe at the time, content to hate him until the day she died, but could it be? Did he blame himself instead?

"It's okay Lucy, you'll get past it," Sonny assured her, but in her heart she wasn't only talking to Lucy. "I promise that you won't be mad at her all the time and Nick won't always feel guilty. You'll be amazed at what time can do."

"Why can't you follow your own advice?" Lucy asked her, and for the first time since she could remember, Sonny was left speechless.

Sonny Munroe dressed in a violet ballgown for the gathering at Condor Studios that night. She considered not going at all, after learning that it was confirmed Chad Dylan Cooper would be attending. When she heard the news her knees felt weak and she'd had to sit down for a few minutes.

When she thought about it, she had nothing left to lose. She couldn't deny it any longer; she had been denying it for two years and it hadn't brought her any peace. She would have to speak to Chad tonight, about everything. It was the conversation they were meant to have two years ago in the hospital. Her demons were supposed to have been put to rest by now. When she thought about speaking to Chad again it made her feel sick and she wanted to run far away. She didn't want to face the demons that had been haunting her. She was quite content to live her life in denial, like she had been before. It was strange though, now that she was completely sober her guilty thoughts took more concentration to block out, unlike before. Sonny had to talk to Chad, if not for him then for her sobriety.

"You look wonderful sweetie," her mom remarked as she stood in the living room of their new home admiring herself in the dress. It had been such a long time since she wore such an exquisite gown. She missed those days and she promised that she would redeem herself long enough to wear one again in Hollywood.

"Thanks," Sonny replied. When she looked at her mother, everything seemed to have come together for her. She was sitting on the couch with a t-shirt and jeans on with a chinese takeaway on her lap having just paused the programme she was watching. It was exactly the way it should have been. Her mother had come so far, it was no wonder she was Sonny's role model. "I'm going to talk to Chad tonight by the way."

"I think that's a great idea," her mom nodded, smiling proudly at her daughter. Sonny thought that was all they had to say to each other on the matter and continued dancing in front of the mirror. "You know it's not your fault, right? You know that you have nothing to feel guilty about?"

"I'm still getting there," she confessed, biting her lip nervously. It was the truth; Sonny would always hold herself responsible for the child's death to an extent, but she was sure that speaking to Chad would ease her mind a little. "It's all because of you. I don't think I could ever be so brave if it wasn't for you." Connie didn't say anything. She simply smiled and nodded, it was time for her to take the credit she hadn't taken in so long.

Sonny hadn't been inside Condor Studios since she had been in So Random, mostly because she was afraid to return after her sensational exit. She was surprised Mr Condor even asked her to return considering she quit only a few years into her job on So Random. As she parked her car, she rehearsed the apology speech she would give him. After this, Sonny looked around her and mouthed 'wow', realising that she hadn't parked here since she was a teenager. She felt like an old woman returning to her youth instead of the twenty-something woman she actually was. It was at that moment she was grateful that Mr Condor hadn't requested a red carpet for this party in favour of nostalgia.

Sonny gasped when she walked into the building and realised that not one thing had changed. The halls were still white and the carpeting was even the same. When she came to her dressing room, she stopped outside the door and suddenly all of the memories flooded back to her. She could see her teenage self pounding on the door and begging for Tawni to let her in after the failed basketball date with Hayden. She could laugh about it now, but at the time she had felt her feelings go into emotional overdrive when she and Hayden were forced to give into the kiss cam. At the time Sonny wasn't sure that she wanted her friend to date the boy that she actually deemed suitable for herself. Of course she would never say it out loud and she played the role of the best friend perfectly. When Hayden left, she had to force herself not to call him.

She could see Chad Dylan Cooper storming down the hall shoving the magazine article in her face and furious about what had happened. Sonny didn't understand it at the time, not fully realising the crush that he confessed harbouring on her when she started So Random. Had Chad loved her from then until when they slept together? She didn't know whether he loved her afterwards, but she chose to deny that fact after what happened. It had given her so much pleasure watching him so angry about the fact that she had kissed Hayden. He didn't know the details and she was perfectly fine letting him believe what he wanted to. She didn't know what she wanted from him at that point, but she was content allowing her heart to pound with excitement when he seemed jealous.

Sonny probably shouldn't have explored as much as she did, but soon she was on the set of an old So Random sketch that might have involved a certain jerkthrob. Sonny laughed heartily when she remembered how scared she was of kissing Chad in that scene. She had been so naive then and even now she still wondered why she had been so afraid of kissing him. She supposed it was the denial factor; until then she had admired had from afar and kept her crush on him something of a secret. She worried that kissing him would mean her feelings being exposed to the world and her heart being forced on her sleeve.

She thought that Chad might have given her a clue towards his feelings and she remembered dissecting his every word and his tone of voice when he said these words:

"After this you know we'll be in love."

Sonny didn't want to admit that her heart was racing at this point and she could barely find the strength to say anything to him. She didn't know what she wanted to say, but she knew with everyone standing around her what she had to say to him. As always, Sonny challenged him, something she had continued to do until their friendship was set in stone. Sometimes she wished that she had just accepted it. When she challenged him she was crushed when he said these words:

"'We' is my nickname for you," he had insisted in that shaky tone he used whenever she dwelled on something he didn't want to acknowledge. "We happy?" No, Sonny wasn't happy and she wondered whether Chad was happy that she had caught onto something he desperately wanted to tell her.

It was the Mackenzie Falls set that brought back the most memories for Sonny. She was on that set when she wanted to prove her loyalty towards her castmates. She was on that set when she doubted the loyalty of her castmates. Somehow Sonny had always ended up on the set of Mackenzie Falls and even now she hesitated to admit that it wasn't because of its glorious decor. It wasn't the same when she and Chad didn't fight and everyday she ensured that they always made some form of contact.

Amazingly, Mackenzie Falls was still airing to audiences all over the world. When Chad sensationally announced that he was leaving to pursue other projects a storyline had to be construed allowing the show to go on. So, in Chad's last ever finale, he found out that he had a secret long lost brother, the product of his mother's affair with the evil landlord Mackenzie Miller. So, in Chad's last ever show, he met his brother, the mysterious Mackenzie Junior; a boy torn between the good from his mother's side and the evil from his father's side. To further lament Chad's stance on the show, his long lost brother murdered the original Mackenzie - obviously revelling in his father's evil side. Chad had been a little pissed off when he saw that the new Mackenzie was just as popular as he had been.

It was the balcony that offered the most memories for Sonny. It was the balcony scene with Selena Gomez that had made both Chad and Sonny explode. She could still see herself and Chad arguing about their supposed lack of feelings towards each other. She could remember watching the cheesy scene where she and Chad were supposed to be in love and growing more annoyed at how addictive...and good it was to watch. At that point Sonny wasn't ready to admit the feelings she harboured towards Chad. The only solution she could see was to deny it until the very end, but even that failed her. Their anger towards each other and towards Selena Gomez had forced them both to admit that they did actually feel something for the other. It was something she wished she could take back everyday, remembering what had happened shortly afterwards between Tawni and Chad.

"I didn't think that you would be here," Sonny almost jumped out of her skin when standing before her was Chad Dylan Cooper. Of course he would return to the set that had made him a household name all over the world. She didn't know what to say to him. It was strange being in the same room with him considering they hadn't been in the same room for two years now. He looked at the floor and she looked away from him for a minute, before remembering why she had even agreed to come to this stupid party. Her mind had been distracted from all the memories from the past. How she wished she could return to those days when they were teenagers in denial.

"I just thought I'd take a walk down memory lane," she replied, and he nodded his head quickly, as if hoping to get their reunion over and done with. "I didn't realise that Mackenzie Falls was one of the main destinations of that lane."

"I didn't think that So Random brought back so many memories for me," he smirked, and for just one moment the awkwardness between them melted away. They were Chad and Sonny again, just like they used to be before everything had torn them apart. "Do you remember when you tried to stage that ridiculous prom and I danced with you in that mermaid costume?"

"Yes! Oh my God I still can't believe someone leaked a photo of that to Tween Weekly," she laughed, shaking her head even though she highly suspected it was Chad. "Remember that time you thought I was being attacked when Tawni had that date with Hayden?" It was another memory she wanted to keep close to her heart. She remembered him insisting that he had still gone for a massage even after the distressing phone call, but she didn't believe it.

"Yeah," he laughed and then suddenly the awkwardness found a way to squeeze in the space between them. Chad's laughter died out and suddenly they were avoiding each other again. He looked good; that much she couldn't deny. He had always carried off a suit effortlessly with those golden locks of hair and the dazzling blue eyes she would lose herself in if he looked at her. She was desperate to run into his arms and beg him to talk to her just like he used to before things changed. Why couldn't things be the way they were when they were best friends? Why couldn't they even stand in the same room without things being awkward? "I'm sorry Sonny."

Finally, progress.

"What?" She asked him, unable to believe that he had said it. She was convinced that he would avoid the subject and she would have to be the one to bring it up. They finally looked into each other's eyes and were surprised when they didn't look away almost instantly. "What are you sorry for?"

"You know what I'm sorry for," he said and it was true, she did. He sighed and she saw his sparkling eyes glimmering with what looked like tears. "It's not your fault. I have never blamed you. I was upset and I want you to know that it was not your fault. I was an asshole for saying what I did."

"You were upset," she said. Why was she continuing to defend him? Chad shouldn't have snapped at her because it wasn't her fault for any of it. It was the first time that Sonny realised she had nothing left to apologize for. She had paid her dues and it was his turn to apologize for everything. "But you still shouldn't have said it. It wasn't my fault Chad. It wasn't my fault."

"I know," he nodded and he stopped himself from edging closer to her? Why didn't he take her into his arms? That was what she deserved. That was what she wanted. "I was such a dick to you and I didn't mean to be. I was just upset and I guess I blame myself for it. I shouldn't have said it and I am so sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was drive you away. I've never wanted to drive you away."

"I think we should talk about-"

"I thought I heard voices in here," Sonny was forced to stopwhen her co-star and Chad's latest squeeze walked onto the set in a dazzling midnight blue ballgown with diamonds on it that made it look like the stars were shining. She was so beautiful and when she looked at herself in comparison Chad's choice was obvious. When Sonny looked at him, she was surprised to see that he was trying to suppress a frown.

"Sonny and I were just talking about old times Emma," he laughed, putting his arm around her. Watching his arm slide so casually around her skinny waist made Sonny's whole body sting with jealousy. It shouldn't have been her he was holding. He was never supposed to hold anyone except her. They hadn't realised it when they were teenagers and apparently they still didn't realise it now.

"It's weird to look back on it all," Sonny laughed. She didn't think that she could bear watching Emma and Chad together for one more minute. She couldn't bear knowing that Emma was the one kissing him, touching him, leaning against him and waking up next to him every morning. It should have been her. "I should probably get going, I hear Nico and Grady are showing up."

"Okay well I guess I'll see you at work," Emma beamed, her head resting on Chad's shoulder. Sonny wanted to ay something to Chad and she noticed him opening his mouth, but they had nothing left to say to each other, did they? She turned her back on him, trying not to cry. This couldn't have been it, but how come it was?

"Emma, we need to talk," Chad said to her in a serious manner, but Sonny walked out of the set before she could hear what he had to say. She had to be alone for just a few minutes before she attended this party. Where could she go that no one else would go?

Sonny walked into the cafeteria and when she turned on the lights she noticed Nico and Grady stealing frozen yoghurt from the same machine they had been banned from almost a decade ago. When she turned on the lights, they both looked up with the same guilty expressions she thought they might have abandoned when they were no longer teenagers.

"Really guys, really?" She asked them, bursting into fits of laughter. She was worried about how they might act towards her considering she was the one that had essentially torn them all apart. Nico and Grady had found success after the show though. When the show ended, they decided to take advantage of their 'bromance' and toured the country putting on comedy sketches similiar to those of So Random. When those comedy shows brought in the money, the boys were offered their own late night talk show, much like Letterman and Ferguson. Nico and Grady were now distinguished members of the comedy society. She was glad that they hadn't lost the childlike behaviour she had grown so fond of.

"There's none in the fancy hall," Grady insisted, cleaning himself up. When he stood up she saw exactly what she expected; frozen yoghurt all over his fancy suit. "I should ask you why you're in here."

"I'm taking a trip down memory lane," she protested, shaking her head. Both parties were extremely nervous in the presence of each other. Sonny realised that just like she had done with Chad, she would have to initiate the conversation. "So, congratulations on all the success and stuff. I watch your show all the time."

"Same here," Nico replied, and she was still waiting for the awkwardness to melt away like it had before. Luckily she didn't have any tragic history with Nico or Grady unless they blamed her for ruining So Random. Tawni certainly did and had declined coming to this party. "You know Sonny, we've never had anyone from So Random on our show, what with Tawni being a bitch and Zora refusing to acknowledge she was on the show considering she's in Yale Drama School now."

"Are you trying to make a proposition there?" Sonny asked them, but she didn't mind at all.

"Come on, we both know you're the one with the best stories!" Grady insisted. "You lived with Chad Dylan Pooper, you've got your own TV show and you know...you took part in a murder trial." Sonny laughed, even though she could have cried. She was grateful that they hadn't mentioned her plunge into drug addiction, her miscarriage or her lengthy stay in rehab. If anything, she was glad that they had only mentioned the murder trial.

"So, you're not mad at me for leaving So Random then?" Sonny asked them, and she felt just like a young teenager again when she turned to see Mr Condor standing in the doorway with his arms crossed.

"I'd say it worked out for the best, don't you?" He told her, narrowing her eyes. She was glad that she didn't have to use her apology speech on him, because when she looked into his eyes she was reminded of everything she feared when she was a teenager. Even though he had been involved in showbiz for 25 years, Sonny was surprised to admit that he didn't look much older than when she first met him.

"Thank you Sir," she smiled, nodding her head. At least that was one piece of guilt she could put to the side; the guilt she had always felt when So Random went off the air thanks to her. She looked at Nico and Grady and couldn't believe that it had taken her so long to speak to them again.

"Sir, we were just taking a trip down memory lane. Ain't no frozen yoghurt in my belly," Grady insisted, not even realising that he had spilled anything down his suit. Mr Condor decided that he would turn a blind eye and simply nodded his head while Nico slapped his forehead and shook his head. "Well Sonny, we expect to see you soon."

Sonny left the party feeling refreshed and disappointed at the same time. She should have been thrilled that she had renewed her friendship with Nico and Grady and made peace with the people that had haunted her for many years. Mr Condor even told her that on her new show she was just as funny as she had been on So Random and receiving a compliment from him was like...well it was so shocking and new that no one had even thought of a comparison. She decided to avoid Chad and Emma and sat with Nico and Grady instead, unable to believe that everyone was so grown up now. When she looked around to see the old stars of The Falls and even Marshall applauding Mr Condor for all his years of service, she saw how the past had to be let go. She remembered Lucy's words all night; that people were only afraid of the past when they hadn't faced it. Everyone else in that room had faced the past and was moving on, unlike Sonny. There was one more place Sonny had to go before she could let go of the past completely.

Sonny loved the view from the old apartment she and Chad shared and remembered that it was one of the reasons she had convinced him to stay in it with her. She could remember the day they went house hunting like it was yesterday. Their friendship had been going strong since they called a truce in Condor Studios and now they had decided to rent an apartment together. They had officially decided that it was simply to save money and because they had become close friends, but unofficially the reasons were more complicated than that. She put her purse down on the old sofa she was selling and proceeded to look around.

Sonny missed the days they spent in this apartment. She missed when they would spend all day in their pyjamas and watch trashy daytime TV. She missed when they made dinners together in the evening and had flour fights almost every single night. She missed making dinner for him and vice versa after a long day of work. She missed the excited feeling knowing that she was going home to him. She especially missed the long conversations they would have in the dead of night. They would talk about everything and anything. They had shared their deepest darkest secrets in this apartment. If only walls could talk.

Sonny and Chad would never be in this apartment again. She had realised that much when they were reunited earlier that evening. They didn't speak again that night, but it was obvious that he had moved on and she was stuck in the past she couldn't fix. She had spent years praying for things to be different instead of adapting to what had happened, yet Chad had not. She never thought that they wouldn't speak again. Sonny thought that they would be able to fix what had happened. She thought that they would be able to talk things over and even reconcile and rekindle the romance that had made her so happy at the time. How wrong she was. She thought the apartment would bring her some sort of closure, but as she left, she still felt a dark shadow over her, a shadow she feared she would never be rid of.

Chad parked outside his old apartment just as another car drove away. They were showing people apartments this late in the evening? He wasn't going to take a trip down into his old apartment, but when he left that party without saying another word to Sonny, he felt like he needed to indulge in some more memories, just for a little while. When he unlocked the door with his key that he was unwilling to give the new tenants, he was sure that he could smell Sonny. It was ridiculous and probably a sign of madness, but he could feel her all around him.

He left Emma that night. The decision was so sudden, but then again, so was his reunion with Sonny Munroe. He didn't expect to see her standing there on the set of The Falls. Was she reliving the moment they met Selena Gomez as well? Was she also thinking of his betrayal? When Chad stepped into his dressing room, he was reminded of everything that had happened between him and Sonny. It was so loud, so contrived and so wrong. He had escaped onto the set of The Falls to remember what had happened when they met Selena Gomez. She had brought out their vulnerable sides. She had made them confess their secrets to each other; secrets that would inevitably lead to Chad's betrayal.

Chad left Emma because of Sonny. He might as well admit it now while he still could, while he could still indulge in feelings that should have passed a long time ago. When Emma walked onto the set, she just didn't belong. Maybe it was because she had never been on The Falls set, but somehow she just didn't fit into Chad's life like Sonny did and she never would. When he looked at both women, he knew right away that he was still in love with Sonny, but she looked away from him as if she was ashamed of him. She had every right to be ashamed of him after everything he said, but he was so stupid that he actually thought she might still have feelings for him. It hurt him deeply when she avoided him that night. He had driven to the apartment with a dark shadow lingering over him and he was left to wonder whether it would ever disappear.

Looking around the apartment, it was obvious that it would always hold the memories and the life that Chad would easily dive right back into if he had the chance. Sonny was here; not only that, but he had been in love with Sonny here and that was all he needed. He would gladly live in the time when his love was hidden and unrequited and he would give anything to do it. He didn't care; he just wanted things to be the way they were. He knew that Sonny had moved on and was attempting to rebuild her life, but he hadn't moved on. He would never move on.

Chad was about to walk out of the apartment before it sucked him away from reality, but from the corner of his eye, he could see something glimmering under the moonlight. That was another thing he liked about this apartment; how it looked at night. He remembered the night he and Sonny slept together and how beautiful she looked in the moonlight. When he walked over to the glimmering object, he saw that it was a black purse with diamonds on it, much like the sky above him. It had probably been left by someone viewing the apartment, he decided, as he picked it up. He would take it home before calling the estate agent tomorrow. He didn't want to risk leaving it in an empty apartment. He probably shouldn't have opened the purse, but he did. He probably shouldn't have taken out the wallet inside and opened it up. He told himself that he simply wanted to ID the person so that he would save the police the hassle, but if he was honest he wanted to know who was interested in his home. He knew he should have been detaching himself from the house, but there were so many memories he couldn't let go. Why did he have to let them go? If it wasn't for him, then he wouldn't have to let them go. He and Sonny could have continued to make memories, but instead he had ruined everything between them.

Chad was about to take out the person's social security card when he almost dropped the purse in shock. No, it couldn't be. There was no way; it tampered with every theory he had regarding the strange near death experience he was convinced was merely his subconscious willing him to fight. He took out the photograph slowly, as if tugging as it would make it disappear. It was him. It was the man that had watched Chad scream, cry and mourn the love of his life from behind the strong glass frame. It was the man who said nothing when he watched Sonny die. It was the man that had given Chad a second chance. How could that be? Did that man really exist? Had he haunted Chad's dream that night. He turned the photo around for any information on the man, but was met with the vague handwritten 'Dad' in the centre. Was this man a father? Had he been a father? Did he still exist? Chad had to meet the person who owned this purse. He just had to.

Chad turned round and headed towards the front door and it was as if every memory suddenly returned to him as his footsteps echoed all over the place. He sighed, and he was about to turn the handle when the front door opened and there stood Sonny Munroe herself at the door.

He stepped back a little and she walked in, their eyes glued to each other as if suspicious of the other. When Chad looked at her, she was just as beautiful as she had been the night they slept together. Under the moonlight her eyes sparkled and her hair was shining. His breath was taken away by just one look at her, his heart raced and the feeling of jealousy stung like a thousand bee stings when he realised that she would never be his.

"That's my purse," she told him. Had she been here before him? Why had she come to the apartment at such a late hour? Had she wanted to take a trip down memory lane just like he did? Chad then remembered the photograph and suddenly everything became clear to him. He had been asking himself every single day why that man had given him another chance and this was it. This was the reason he had been wishing for each and everyday. He knew his purpose.

"I'm ready to talk about it."

**Author's Note: Okay, I think it's pretty obvious I have a sickness and that I'm either just extremely bitter/anti-romantic or I like putting people through as much pain as a story can cause you. I'd say it's a bit of both. So I have decided to leave the final decision up to…you guys! If you liked the open ending and you want to figure out what happened between them for yourselves then let me know in the reviews. However, if you want a prologue for some closure, then you also need to let me know in the reviews. The majority vote will win so please let me know what you think! Your thoughts have never been so important! Thanks again for the tremendous support and love =]**

**Oh, ps, if you like this story and you want more angst, drama and romance then please check out the story I've just posted on my personal account – pearlchavez – it's called Twenty One and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it =]**


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: I am SO sorry for the long wait guys. I seriously didn't think it would take me this long to upload this last chapter. I had some writer's block because I wanted to end it perfectly and it didn't help that I've just started university and have like 8 books to read every week. It's been a stressful couple of weeks and I want to thank you all for being so patient with me. I'm feeling sad that this story's coming to and end because I loved writing it so much and the support has been phenomenal :). This is it, the final chapter. Will Chad and Sonny FINALLY get together? Or do their unresolved issues prove to be too much and drive them apart? I guess you'll have to read and find out. Please read/review/favourite and enjoy! Much love! :) **

_**Time it was **_

_**And what a time it was, it was**_

_**A time of innocence**_

_**A time of confidences**_

_**Simon and Garfunkel**_

"_So, tell me you're coming for drinks tonight," Sonny pleaded with her best friend as he finished hanging what he considered to be a 'work of art' on the wall. He called it a 'masterpiece' and she simply called it 'a bunch of colourings on a white sheet called art'. That was something she loved about her best friend; how he managed to see beauty in everything even when she couldn't. _

"_If you really want me to I'll come," Chad sighed, shaking his head. "It's supposed to be a drink with your workmates and let's face it; when they see me you're going to be completely forgotten." Of course there were certain things Sonny had learned to endure when it came to Chad Dylan Cooper and this characteristic was just one of those things. Strangely enough, she was starting to find it endearing._

"_Did I ever tell you how modest you are these days?" She smiled sarcastically, prompting a chuckle from him that only made her blush a little. That was something else she had learned to endure recently; how his smiles made her blush. "Of course I want you to come; no one else participates in my drinking games quite like you do."_

"_That's really not the best friend I want to be," Chad laughed, and then he tilted his head upwards and burst out laughing, probably remembering a drinking game they had played previously. "Who am I kidding? Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't do 'straight edge'. Tell me every drink you buy is going to be a double?"_

"_I don't get why you find me so hilarious when I'm drunk," Sonny rolled her eyes and when she looked into his eyes, they were eyeing her differently. They were eyeing her the way they had been for several months when he thought she wasn't paying attention. Truthfully, she couldn't stop paying attention. "But if you must know I like doubles because in the long run it saves you money and it doesn't take that long to get merry. I just hope you're buying doubles too."_

"_You're never going to let me live last week down, are you?" Chad sighed jokingly, shaking his head with shame. It was all a drunken blur to him, but he was sure that his best friend would re-enact it for him because she loved mocking him that much._

"'_Oh Sonny, I don't understand why Mufasa had to die! He was a good guy! Why must all good things come to an end?'" She imitated his dramatic tone and then she burst out laughing. Oh how he liked to hear her laugh. It wasn't aspirin that saved his headache that day, it was the sight of her smile and the sound of her giggling as they relived the night before. "I had no idea you had such Disney issues."_

"_Oh you're so funny," he replied, before looking at the cover of the latest magazine cover and rolling his eyes once more. "Oh God, Keisha Wright is on the cover of your favourite gossip weekly reminding us again just how much it hurt breaking up with Nick Darcy...months ago."_

"_Of course she is," Sonny remarked, serving them both the sandwiches she had prepared for lunch. She sat down beside him on the sofa and took the magazine from his hands. Why did she have to sit so close to him? Didn't she know the scent of her hair drove him wild? "She's been reported for her nonstop partying and I suppose she wants the whole world to think it was her traumatizing break up that made her go downhill."_

"_I think she's taught us a valuable lesson," Chad remarked, feeling some sympathy for the girl he used to be such good friends with. Yes, he and Keisha used to be close and he couldn't help but feel a pinch of guilt considering he hadn't been there for her. Perhaps if he had been there she wouldn't have surrounded herself with dangerous characters. "There's no point falling in love at our age because it never lasts."_

"_Sweetie, you're preaching to the converted," Sonny replied to Chad, kissing his cheek softly. A long time ago, Sonny had convinced herself that she was comfortable with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk. Watching her Mother's descent into madness made Sonny subconsciously promise herself never to fall in love. For months Lucy had tried to convince her otherwise, but Sonny had made her mind up and was content trying to find a man for her best friend_.

"You're the only exception," Sonny said out loud, looking in the mirror.

As she had been fitting the ruby coloured rose into her hair, she noticed a painting similiar to the one Chad had hung in their pre-war apartment. She didn't even realise she had drifted into the past until the sunlight streaming through the window and the sound of Lucy's voice brought her back to the present day. Why couldn't she have stayed there? It was a time of innocence she didn't fully appreciate until it was gone.

"What did you say?" Lucy asked, rocking her son in her arms and kissing his brown coloured hair. Kevin had taken after his father in everything, except his hazel eyes, the best thing he could have inherited from his mother. Nick had often said that it was Lucy's charismatic eyes that had drawn him to her in the first place.

"Nothing," Sonny insisted, applying lipstick for the millionth time. It was wrong for her to be nervous. She wasn't the one who should have been nervous, but as she admired herself in the mirror, her heart was pounding and the colour of the rose seemed to leak onto her cheeks. Sonny looked at herself in the dress and wondered what had taken her to this place. It was so far from what she imagined. It was so far from the scenarios she and Lucy had envisioned as children.

"Kevin didn't keep you up all night, did he?" She asked, kissing her one year old son on the cheek. When Sonny looked at her best friend and the way she handled her son, she couldn't help but envy her. Lucy told her in the hospital soon after his birth that she didn't think she could love someone so much within seconds. She said the moment she looked into his eyes, she fell in love. She didn't realise the significant impact her words had on Sonny and she wouldn't dare tell her friend just how hurtful her words could be. Of course, anything said about children and the wonders of children triggered a crippling feeling in her stomach and the need to cry. It had taken her a long time to step into the room a child was occupying. It had taken her a long time not to feel hatred towards herself when she looked at a child. She didn't think she would ever get to this place.

"I don't mind," Sonny smiled and when Lucy handed the boy to her with the simplest of ease, Sonny inhaled deeply and opened up her arms. One day she wouldn't feel like her throat was closing up. One day she would be able to hold a child without fearing that she was still cursed. It would take time though; she was told that it would take time. She just wished it didn't take so long.

"Weddings are stressful!" Lucy exclaimed, shaking her head. "Remind me never to be part of one again. I'm ready to run away right here, right now."

_**I remember that fight**_

_**Two-thirty am**_

_**Thought everything was slipping right out of our hands**_

_**Taylor Swift**_

"_I'm ready to talk about it," Chad Dylan Cooper told Sonny that night in their post-war apartment in the middle of the night. Everything in his heart and mind agreed for once as he looked at his former best friend under the moonlight just like he used to. She looked beautiful; she looked more beautiful than she did when they were best friends and he suppressed his love for her._

"_You are?" Sonny asked him, her eyes glimmering with tears; tears he wanted to wipe away almost instantly, but he felt his own eyes welling up with tears. They hadn't talked in this apartment for such a long time and not only were they flooded with confrontational emotions, but also nostalgic emotions. Chad wasn't surprised when Sonny immediately wiped her tears away and sniffed. "Does Emma know you're here?"_

"_I left her tonight," Chad replied. He almost expected her to smile and run into his arms. Why couldn't their relationship have a happy ending? However, life wasn't a movie and instead Sonny continued standing there trying to look indifferent. "It didn't feel right with her. You know there's no one else-"_

"_I don't Chad, because we haven't had a conversation in two years," she replied sharply and Chad felt his skin nipping him, like a blade was slowly working its way into his skin. Evidently Chad and Sonny's relationship didn't have an ending yet. He wondered if it would ever end; he wondered if the outcome was a happy one. "So um, do you want to talk now? Or we could-"_

"_Now seems good," he nodded his head eagerly. Chad knew one thing; he and Sonny's relationship would never end the way love stories did in the movies. Nothing would wrap itself up within ninety minutes and he knew it wouldn't be easy between them. He sat down on their old sofa, remembering the many times they had sat together and she rested her head on his shoulder. It was different now; she was sitting on the very edge of her seat and staring straight ahead. Things had changed significantly._

"_I don't really know how to do this," she confessed, laughing nervously and looking to him like he had all the answers. He didn't know how to do it either; why was it so difficult? Chad remembered when the sound of Sonny's laughter and the sight of her big brown eyes could give him courage to do anything. Things had changed so much since then. "Um, you said that you don't blame me for the whole mis-mis-miscarriage thing so I guess that's a good place to start."_

"_I was an asshole for talking to you like that," Chad insisted and he watched her face crumple into tears for just a few seconds before she composed herself once more. Just saying the word 'miscarriage' also triggered a feeling of nausea within him. Even after two years he still hadn't come to terms with it. After two years it still felt like someone was tearing his heart out when he thought about it. "I think we should talk about what happened there, because I don't think I'm over it yet. I can't – I feel – I get angry every time I think about it."_

"_So do I," Sonny confessed and then something strange happened. Chad was sighing and wiping a tear from his eye when he felt Sonny rest her hand on top of his. It felt like a small glint of light in the darkest tunnel. "Sometimes it feels like it was just a horrible nightmare. It doesn't feel real; the whole thing is distorted images and feelings in my head. I was stressed; my mom was in bad shape and worst of all we had slept together and we couldn't be in the same room together. With the whole revelation about Tawni and the way you acted that night I just couldn't take-"_

"_Whoa, hold on a minute!" Chad exclaimed, wriggling his hand away from Sonny's grip. He didn't mean for the surge of emotion to pour through him, but he could barely contain his anger. "Are you saying that it's my fault you lost the baby?"_

"_No! I think it's pretty fucking obvious who I blame for losing the baby!" She snapped, shaking her head. Chad narrowed his eyes and Sonny Munroe was forced to admit the one thing she thought she could omit for all time. She looked up at her former best friend and sighed heavily. "Fine! Recently, I have been thinking that if we weren't on such volatile terms then it might not have been lost!"_

"_It is not my fault you lost that baby!" Chad snapped, pointing his finger. He felt like another angrier being had possessed him, but he couldn't stop. When he looked into her big brown eyes and caught sight of her lips he no longer felt the comfort and security he used to. "You were no victim after we slept together! It is not my fault that we ended up on such bad terms!"_

"_Hold on a minute!" Sonny exclaimed, shaking her head. "I am not the one who got a girlfriend to spite my best friend who was only trying to look out for me!"_

"_You know I regret dating her! And as for you 'looking out for me'? You should have just told me upfront Munroe but you acted like you couldn't bear the sight of me!"_

"_You had sex on my bed to spite me! That's acting like you couldn't bear the sight of someone! At least I'm the one who tried to reconcile us by throwing you a birthday party AND even bothering to show up at the apartment after the revelations!"_

"_Don't you dare accuse me of not trying to patch things up with you!" Chad yelled furiously. "As soon as you had your little accident I took care of you like nothing ever fucking happened!"_

"_Oh my God I can't believe you're fucking using that against me! You know why I left Chad! I was feeling guilty and practically suicidal!"_

"_You never told me Sonny! I understand why you didn't and you know that, but you can't say I didn't try to patch things up between us!"_

"_You still think I should have told you, don't you?" Sonny asked and she didn't have to wait for any sound to come from his mouth. His eyes said everything to her and she felt disgusted. "Come on Cooper just grow a pair and admit it! I know you feel bad about what you said, but a part of you still thinks I should have told you, right? Am I right?"_

"_YES!" He confessed, resting his hand on his forehead. "I hate how I reacted but you shouldn't have had to endure it alone! I would have been there for you! You didn't even give me a chance!"_

"_Oh my God will you stop acting like it's just about you?" Sonny screamed, the tears streaming down her cheeks. _

_It was at that moment they both realised it; they still hadn't recovered from what had happened._

"You know I thought I would have the love story we talked about when we were kids," Lucy remarked as she admired herself in the white mirror. Her pearls shone in the sunlight and Sonny finally understood why people cried when they witnessed women in wedding dresses. Watching her best friend waltzing about in her wedding dress like a princess made Sonny realise that she wanted the exact same thing. She could deny it all she wanted and she planned to do so that day, but she wanted everything Lucy had in front of her. She wanted the wonderful man with the heart of gold. She wanted the child. Most of all she wanted the security and the love that radiated from the two of them every single day.

"What do you mean?" Sonny asked, sitting down on the bed sipping the apple juice Lucy's mother had so graciously poured her after an embarrassing moment where she accidentally tasted alcohol once again. It was strange; it was like receiving a postcard from her former self asking how she'd been. She felt the same longing she used to when she went a day without it. She looked at the glass of sparkling champagne and wondered whether she could have a glass. It would be a glass and nothing more. Sonny Munroe was an adult now and she had learned how to control herself. Why couldn't she have one fucking glass of champagne? Why did everyone look at her like a mental patient when she suggested it? It was so fucking unfair! Sonny was forced to leave the room with the champagne, finally understanding what her sponsor told her in rehab. Everyday would be a battle and everyday her addictive demons would haunt her. She would want alcohol and drugs for a very long time after she got sober.

"I've always wanted a love story like 'Wuthering Heights' or 'Pride and Prejudice' or something," Lucy confessed to the fantasy that every woman had whether she admitted it or not. "Haven't you ever wanted that? Well, in saying that you and Chad could be a movie with Lana Turner playing the part of you."

"I don't think you want a romance like the one in 'Wuthering Heights' unless you're a masochist and Nick's last name is Darcy," Sonny replied, trying to disguise the sting that came with confronting her thwarted love with Chad Dylan Cooper. "I seem to remember you once told me that reality isn't like the movies."

"I know what I told you," Lucy sighed, angered that she had been contradicted on her wedding day. "You know, of all the people I've met you're the one who deserves the fairytale ending. You don't know how much I want to see you and Chad work things out."

"It's all too much," Sonny replied, looking away from her best friend. "It seems like something's telling me I'm in too deep with this one." She could hear Lucy sigh and this time it proved more complicated to hide the fact that her heart was breaking. It was true; she and Chad would never have an ending like they did in the movies.

_**It's in the air now**_

_**Bitter tears and broken hearts**_

_**Hayley Williams**_

"_I don't know how we can make this right when we can't even have a conversation with each other without it exploding into a fight," Sonny told her mother after another infuriating session with Mary Wyman. She was sitting on the sofa next to Connie, who put her arms around her daughter. "Every time I leave that place I feel like tearing my hair out! I hate him mom! How the hell do we fix this thing if we can't stand each other?"_

_Sonny Munroe had never been a fan of psychology and everyday she became in increasingly convinced that it was tearing both her and Chad apart instead of bringing them together. Every week she and Chad underwent separate therapy sessions in order to accept everything that had torn them apart in the past and then they had a group session with their therapist to try and break down the wall that had been built up between them. However, every week it seemed that they both just kept adding bricks to it._

"_I know it seems hard, but honey you know that you wouldn't go if you didn't think there was anything worth saving," Connie said, kissing Sonny's forehead. Once, Sonny might have reluctantly agreed with her, but as she sat looking at a photograph of she and her mother shortly after her mother's release from the institution things became clear. She looked unbelievably happy in that photograph; it would represent a great memory in the future. When she thought about it, she was happy, well mostly happy. She thanked God everyday for restoring the life she once had. Everything in her life had worked out._

_Except one thing._

"_Mom, do you ever think that maybe people in your life aren't meant to stay there forever?" She asked, desperate to turn her distorted thoughts into words and a theory that made sense. Connie shrugged her shoulders, meaning she would have to elaborate. "Do you not think that maybe after an amount of time certain people just don't belong in your life anymore?"_

"_You're not talking about Chad, are you?" She replied worriedly and Sonny was ashamed to nod her head. What purpose did Chad serve her now? He made her cry every week and they no longer had conversations like they used to when they were friends. What friendship were they trying to maintain? Their friendship had died the moment they kissed. What if it was a sign? What if their constant arguing was a sign? What if Chad Dylan Cooper had served his purpose in her life? What if they were just delaying the goodbye that she had been longing to say for quite some time now?_

"_I think we've stretched this out long enough," Sonny was forced to admit. Wow, she had made more progress spending five minutes with her mother than she had in over a year of therapy. "I need to think about this."_

Sonny told herself that she would decide just how relevant Chad Dylan Cooper was to her life that day at the wedding. It would be the first time they were in a room without the neutral presence of Mary Wyman. If they couldn't even carry a decent conversation without it turning into an argument then she would perhaps consider him someone she could get to know again, but if they continued to fight then she knew when to say goodbye. Long ago, it was innocent. Long ago they were confident with each other. Did Chad think that their new found passion for confrontation was a sign of confidence? It was a sign of everything weak within the two of them. What happened to them being in love? Did that die with the truth?

"Are you ready to get married?" Sonny asked Lucy when she saw the limo parked outside. When Lucy looked into her friend's eyes, Sonny saw everything she wanted. She wanted all of this and more. She wanted a simple kind of life; she would never hope for a life similiar to The OC ever again. Sonny Munroe had regrets; she should have lived life without them but she wondered what she might change if she was ever given the chance.

"Is it alright that I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear?" Lucy smiled, her eyes brimming with tears. Sonny put both hands on her shoulders and giggled.

"Lucy, we both know you were always supposed to end up married," she insisted, because it was true. Even as children Sonny had the sneaky suspicion that her best friend would end up married before her. "I promise that you're totally making the right decision."

"Good, because I need to know one of us isn't wrapped up in a fantasy," she replied, wiping her tears and burying her head into Sonny's chest. She felt her son tugging on her wedding dress and she picked him up. When she kissed him on the cheek, Sonny had never seen her friend so content, so sure. "I need to give this little guy a proper family. I'll never find anyone better, we know that, right?"

"I'm telling you now he's the Rhett to your Scarlett, the Edward to your Bella, Darcy to your Elizabeth...he's the guy you prayed for Luce and you need to grab this opportunity while you've still got it," she insisted, kissing her on the cheek. Wow, weddings truly were emotional. Sonny never thought she was the kind of person to cry when it came to weddings, but it was so easy.

The ceremony was beautiful just as Sonny expected. She didn't want to admit that she actually thought weddings were a little boring and if it hadn't been her best friend marrying the guy of her dreams she might not have been so prompt. Okay, there was also the fact that Chad Dylan Cooper was sitting in the front row, but Sonny told herself she wouldn't even look at him. She needed a clear mind when she made her decision and she did not want to base it on the glances they shot each other throughout the ceremony.

Did he think it should have been them exchanging vows? Sonny had to admit that when Lucy first announced her engagement she thought; 'it should have been us'. Should it have though? Were she and Chad really meant to be together? Everyone certainly suggested it and sometimes when she looked at it, their twisted rollercoaster really was the stuff true love was made from? Was it true love? Who could even define true love anymore? What if she was just kidding herself because she didn't want to face the fact that they had to say goodbye? Sonny Munroe had been considered a masochist before and this could easily be an example of that side of her. Maybe she just loved the way it hurt. Maybe she loved chasing after something so unattainable. When she thought about it she had always loved the unattainable. When they were teenagers, she and Chad both chased after something unattainable and it was pretty damn obvious that having it didn't make them happy.

She would have to say goodbye. That was it.

"You know I like getting married," Lucy smiled as she and Nick sat on the white thrones Sonny had ordered for the both of them. Sonny was forced back into reality, but even as she listened to their conversation she was looking for Chad. They had avoided each other since the ceremony and she hadn't caught a glimpse of his sparkly blue eyes all day. She didn't realise how addictive they were.

"Well sweetie I hope you made the most of it because it's not happening again," Nick laughed and Sonny had to force herself to laugh too. Was it normal to envy your friends so soon after the wedding? Lucy had everything she ever wanted. Why couldn't Sonny have that?

"I'm going to get myself some frozen yoghurt," Sonny remarked, she felt like screaming 'ick' at the thought of being surrounded by that kind of cheesy nonsense for the rest of the night. It was strange; she had felt so happy for her friend just hours before. "I still can't bellieve that's the dessert you guys have considering what you could've had."

"Well, I had some inspiration," Lucy smiled knowingly. Sonny pretended that she had no idea what her friend was referring to. The last thing she needed to be reminded of was a time when she and Chad were innocent and naïve.

She walked over to the dessert counter and just as fate had it she watched Chad Dylan Cooper waltz over too, wearing a suit like he used to when they were teenagers. Wow, how times had changed. Sonny felt her heart weight heavier and heavier with every passing second and she knew that this was the moment she had to tell Chad how she was feeling. If she didn't tell him now then they might spend an unnecessary amount of time trying to save something that could never be saved. Time had stolen their affection and she had to accept it.

"It was a lovely ceremony," Chad remarked awkwardly, just as Sonny picked up her frozen yoghurt. She was taken by surprise and almost dropped it. Luckily he saved it for her. He looked handsome, just as she expected him to. He suited looking smart; he had always suited looking smart. He wasn't meant for simply jeans and a t-shirt. That was what she had loved about him. He was unique.

"Yeah, it really was," she smiled, nodding her head. Why couldn't she think to say what she was thinking? Why couldn't her lips spit out what her mind was screaming? Why was it so awkward?

"So, how have you been?" He asked her. This was turning out to be a lot more difficult than she thought it would be. When she looked at Chad, she couldn't imagine her life without him. It was as if he was dying and she was preserving the memories she wanted of him. This was something she would try and erase from her memory in years to come. "You didn't turn up to our group session on Friday there and I was just wondering-"

"I was busy," she replied, angered that he had brought up the therapy sessions. She didn't want to think of them now. She didn't want to think of anything they had tried to reconcile their relationship. "How have you been?"

"Yeah I've been busy too," he shook his head. There was silence for a few minutes. Silence; it seemed to be the third person in their relationship. Maybe it was a sign. The presence of silence in their lives represented everything they had left. They had nothing left. "You know what? I brought Brit with me today and she doesn't know anyone so I really should get back-"

"No, I totally understand," Sonny smiled nervously, nodding her head. "I am the maidd of honour so you know; I've got some mingling to do."

"Goodbye Sonny."

"Goodbye Chad."

And that was it. In just five awkward minutes Sonny and Chad had ended their friendship. It was just like pulling off a bandaid, but she couldn't deny that the repurcussions were not as simple. After that she went home.

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Sonny was home alone that night while her mother was at the movies with a friend. She had called Lucy a little while ago and was thrilled to hear the bride so excited about her honeymoon to Egypt. After the phone call Sonny sat watching one of her favourite movies on TV. It was a love story, but even from the beginning she could tell it was different from all the others. The main characters were stark opposites falling in love amidst war, politics and prejudice. In other movies it somehow always worked out. Love always conquered all. Love was supposed to conquer all in fiction. That was why she and Chad hadn't made it; it was reality. At the end of the movie, the main characters met after their painful break up. It turned out that love hadn't conquered all and all they had left was memories and repressed feelings for the other.

After that movie, Sonny Munroe sat in silence for a while. She tried not to compare herself and Chad to the protagonists she had just witnessed, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't help but wonder if she and Chad would meet up in years to come and look at each other knowing that they had unresolved issues. She wondered if they would hold each other knowing that they were always meant to be together. That wasn't what she wanted.

Sonny didn't know what she was thinking when she stood up and put on a pair of ballet shoes beside her. She looked ridiculous as her hair was still wet from taking a shower and she was wearing an old vest and sweats. Where would she go? What would she say? Why did she even want to say it? She didn't know. It wasn't logic; she had once heard that when it came to love nothing was logic.

She walked towards the front door, her heart heavy and her body stiff. She didn't know if she was doing the right thing, but she would have rather tried than to have sat there all night wondering what might have been. When Sonny was turning the handle of the front door, she felt pressure from the other side and stood back.

She knew who it was.

She watched as Chad Dylan Cooper stepped into the hall still wearing the suit he had worn to the wedding that day. His hair was slightly tousled and his face was red from the wind outside. He still took her breath away and she imagined that he would take her breath away every single day. There was nothing she could do about that.

"What are you doing here?" Sonny asked him, attempting to play it cool, but he could see right through her façade. He had always been able to see through her façade; she tended to block out the only time he didn't.

"I don't want this," he told her, shaking his head. Sonny knew it was ridiculous and something one would expect in a movie, but had he been watching the same film she had before? Did it make him think?

"What don't you want?" She asked him, again pretending she was clueless. Maybe it was better than assuming she knew it all.

"I don't want to see you in years to come and not be able to say hello to you," he told her sternly. "I don't want to look at you and know that we used to be made for each other. I don't want to look at you in years to come and know that we were meant to be together. I don't want it to be too late."

"Chad, I don't know –"

"I'm sorry," he told her, but he had said it so much now. "I don't want to keep living in the past. We've confronted the damn past; we don't have to keep going over it again and again! Why can't we just start afresh? I love you and I want to be together."

"I love you too, but –"

"Fuck the 'buts' then Sonny," he insisted and she had to admit she was very attracted to the assertive tone he had adopted. She had waited so long to hear that side of Chad again. If she was honest then it was the thing she most loved about him. "Let's just be together, okay? Let's put it all behind us."

"Fine," she agreed.

"Fine," he retorted.

"Good," she smiled, remembering the way it used to be. She never thought that they would ever return to the playful rappore they once had. She didn't think it was possible.

"Good," he replied, and then she captured his lips with hers and held him closely. She had wanted to do it for so long and when they exchanged glances she saw just how much he wanted to as well. They were worth saving.

_**If it's true**_

_**You can see it with your eyes**_

_**Even in the dark**_

_**And that's where I want to be**_

_**Paramore**_

THE END

**Author's Note: There! I did it, I actually wrote a happy ending. I didn't think it was possible and I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was a little hard. I thought I had made it impossible. If you can guess the film Sonny was watching before Chad came over then…you are an awesome person and I think you're brilliant haha (it's a shame you can't give real gifts online). So what did you think? Please tell me in the reviews and thanks again for the wonderful support :)**

**Oh yeah, I would really appreciate it if you guys went onto my private account - pearlchavez - and checked out my oneshot 'Epilogue'. Thanks again for all the support! :)  
**


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